How many of you are actually part of an adoption triad?

Question

Or at least have some first hand experience with adoption.

Obviously this is an open site where everyone has a right to answer. But I'm seeing some very firm opinions/answers on some serious adoption issues/questions being answered by folks who do not identify their relationship with adoption. Maybe it's for privacy reasons that you don't, but I do think it's helpful to your answer to know where your perspective comes from.

Answer 1

I'm not part of any triad. The adoptees aren't equal, nor are the mothers who surrender alot of the time ( notice I didn't say all ) a triad would mean that all sides are equal. I think the adoption industry / agencies / states need to also be involved because they are a huge part of adoption.

But I'm an adoptee to answer your question.

Answer 2

<--- Adoptive mother

Answer 3

I am an AP of a terrific daugther with a second placement on the way.

Answer 4

"triad" would mean we are equal.  we are not.  adoptee's don't have a say when we are babies.

Answer 5

Aussie adoptee traveling the rollercoaster of reunion.

Answer 6

I'm an adoptive mom.

*Kaluah, I'm so happy for you. Congrats.

Answer 7

I'm an adoptee and an adoptive mom.  I might have been a birthmother, but had a miscarriage instead.

Answer 8

I am a birthmom. Gave her up in 1972, found her in 2001.

Answer 9

I'm a happily reunited adoptee, although you'd question the happy part today if you've read some of my posts! LOL.  I'm at the end of my rope with a few folks and I've "let 'er rip" so to speak.  Oh, well, still in pretty good frame of mind otherwise.

Answer 10

I'm an adoptee, but I also don't find the term "triad" to be accurate or valid.

Answer 11

I am not part of the "triad."

I am a biological grandmother.

Answer 12

I am an adoptive mom of 2.

Answer 13

I am on certain days. Like Gershom says some times I'm not equal. It's okay, just don't call me a crack w***e and it's all good.

Question to a poster before me: you never had one what, an adoption?

Adoption triad means you are either an adoptee, an adoptive parent or a biological parent. Abortion is not part of the adoption triad. It is a decision made before the decision to relenquish on the part of the parents. If you have an abortion there is no decision to relenquish, as you have decided not to carry to term. That has to be done in order to decide to relenquish.

No disrespect to you or your friend.

Answer 14

I happen to have some very strong opinions on this topic (sorry if I get long winded)

  I am the mother of 4 adopted siblings.  My children have four more siblings we were unable to adopt. (two were adopted by another family and two chose to age out of the system)

  My oldest is the one I'm having the biggest trouble with...see she was 10 when all eight kids were removed from the home due to drugs, alcohol, physical and sexual abuse.  And she strongly believes it is her job to hold her bio family together.  This scares me to death!  Basicly because the two older sibs she insists on remaining in contact with have both chosen to remain in their previous way of life...they have no interest in bettering themselves and they continue to pressure her to do the same.  The same influence is true of her old friends that she wants to stay in contact with....not to mention that she believes it's her right to stay in contact with her bio mom and dad.  

  My biggest problem with this contact is that it doesn't allow her to take full advantage of the oppertunity she has to start over and build a new, better life for herself.  Not to mention the confusion she faces on a daily basis as to her loyality and where it should lye.

  I really believe that adopted children should be allowed the chance to take full advantage of the wonderful gift of a better life they have been give without the interuption of the bio family. Once the adopted kids reach the age of majority then they will be mature enough to make decisions regarding their biology that is right for them.

  Those are just my feelings and experience with a very difficult situation....take from it what you will.

Good luck and God Bless

Answer 15

"Triad" is agency-speak.

I'm an adoptee who has been in reunion for 20 yrs.

I know what you mean, there are several PAPs (potential adoptive parents), and siblings of adoptees, etc.

Answer 16

I'm new to this circle, but I'm a happily reunited adoptee.

Answer 17

i can't tell you the adoptive parent side but i can sure tell you my opinions about first being an adoptive child i was adopted just after birth by a couple who couldn't have any children of their own and neither me or my adoptive brother could have had a more loving upbringing even though i must admit that the question mark about my heritage made me a rebel when i was young  as far as i was always looking for someone to fulfill the part of me that i felt was missing and that brings me to the second part because of this i also am a relinquishing mother who gave her own daughter up because i knew[deep down]that as a young single mother in the late seventies i would have not had the ability to give her the life i felt she deserved and that i had and should have not needed anything else i have since had no luck finding my natural mother and am still trying to fill in the blanks in my heritage but know where my daughter is and she has made it clear to me that she doesn't want any contact with me but am hoping her feelings will change in the future and that she will ,at least try,to get over the hurt she obviously feels i have probably confused you even more but thought i would try to tell you a little of a story you probably haven't heard before

Answer 18

<<< Label me adoptee

Answer 19

My Name says it all. I am an Adoptee but I do not see it as a triad.

Answer 20

First, before I say anything, I want you to know, Cam, you've done nothing wrong.  I understand why you asked this question.  It bothers me that people speak for others's experiences.  That someone knows an adoptee/first parent/adoptive parent doesn't impress me much.  So this is a good question.

Having said that...  Some days...  Many days...  I'm tired of being an adoptee.  I'm tired of having to identify myself as an adoptee.  I'm tired of the baggage that comes with being an adoptee.  I want to be just a normal person who doesn't understand any of this stuff.  I don't want to come on to this site.  I don't want to have to point to my "source" as evidence that I know whereof I speak.  I am an adoptee.  And I'm sick of having to say it.  Because I'm sick of having to live it.

Answer 21

I am adopted and i found my mother 2/9/08 on my son's 9th birthday. yyeeeeaaaaahhhhhh. haven't met yet she's all the way across the country but i hope it is in the works sometime.

My strong feelings about adoption are due to mental and physical (more mental) abuse dished out by my amom. the neglegence i found by the courts and the people that handled my adoption, and by the pure lack of people caring how we feel. we tell them how we feel we're called ungreatful before our story is even heard as if because we were adopted we don't have a right to feel anything but what we're told to feel.

Answer 22

Adoptee here.  I just try to educate people on the realities of adoption.  I don't come on here too often anymore because its just so frustrating to me how some people can't stand to hear someone else's point of view.  Blocking, name calling, its just gotten too ridiculous for me.

Answer 23

Adoptive mom.

Answer 24

I'm an adoptive mom who has a great relationship with my son's bio grandparents.

And although I don't talk about it much, I've also been on the bio family side of things somewhat with cousins who were placed into foster care because of abuse.  We weren't allowed any contact until they became adults so as a child, I experienced the loss of extended family members due to adoption also.

Answer 25

I've never had one but one of my friends had on.i dont like the idea of an abortion i think its killing a baby.Its against my religion. so i mean its all about opinion, i think its wrong if you dont want the baby give it to someone who wants it..dont kill it..The friend i was talking about..she got one about 3 months ago and i was there with her while she got it..It's really really sad.

Answer 26

I am a happy, reunited adoptee.

I'm part of the tirade to be sure.

Answer 27

I'm a mother who relinquished my son for adoption.  (Only mildly related to role claiming... in a course I'm taking right now, it brought up the changes made in the last 40 years regarding reformation in how people who are disable are cared for and treated.  Part of the reform was that "people first" language should be used.  It was my aha! moment for the whole birth parent/firstparent debate for me.

Also, the triad is =oP

Answer 28

i am an adoptee. i have found my bioparents, in fact Lori A another answerer here is my biomother. i have a good relationship with my aparents and family.

i was able to find and maintain all sides, but gershom makes a good point (AS USUAL!) its not equal. but we keep working at it.

Answer 29

I have always wrote about my feeling about adoption. I'm not against it and not for it, so I guess you would say in the middle.

Answer 30

I am a birthmom who married an adoptee, had conversations with my brother-in-law who had a very different experience than my husband, as well as with my mother-in-law, who is obviously an adoptive parent.  I also have a half-brother that my mother relinquished before my birth that I've never met.