How many of you have been involved in adoption?

Question

I have. Doesn't matter which end. Care to share some stories some time? It may help both of us.

Answer 1

I have. I'm an adopted mom. I brought my son home from the hospital 10 months ago. He's 10 months old today. Everything was pretty smooth. His first mom didn't want to even see him at first but now we have an open adoption. She sees him every 3 or 4 months. We had some trouble terminating the rights of his birth father but that was more legal stuff than his birth father actually wanting him. It turned out fine. We formally adopted him December 28. He's the cutest little boy ever. He's got 2 dimples, beautiful brown eyes, and the chubbiest cheeks ever.

Answer 2

My husband & I have been adoptive parents to 12 kids in last 15'ish years.  We have 5 girls & 7 boys.  They have come at various ages (4-15). There has been some very big heart ache for us and for them.  But we have fun and chaos and love.  Currently only 6 in school still @home and one adult with 2 beautiful grandkids live @home.  We won't trade any of it.  We love how our family is knit.  The stories of how they have come to us are amazing.  The stories of what they have been through are heartbreaking and horrifying.  But the stories we still have to tell as family are what we look forward to. I like to read about adoptees experience, attitudes and lives because sometimes my own have trouble sharing with me.  Maybe out of repression or fear of hurting my feeling, not really sure why.  I do know my family is only different from others in size not in love and acceptance.  I would highly recommend to any adoptive parent a book called "Twenty things adopted kids want their adoptive parents to know", very good insight.  Thank for you interest in "different" families

Answer 3

I was adopted at birth by parents who turned out to be very abusive and then my father committed suicide when I was 12. I had an older adopted brother who beat me, chased me with knives and tried to suffocate me constantly. I was sexually abused and was so happy to move out of home when I was 17 yrs old with my 1st real boyfriend. My mother was horrible to me and only now since I have become a mother to 5 wonderful kids has she tried to be interested or make amends with me. I don't talk to my brother and he lives in another state. I have been married for nearly 14 yrs now and am happy I turned my life around after such a crappy childhood.

Answer 4

I was adopted as a baby by British parents, who were living the the United States.  They then decided that they didn't want to raise me and my brothers (their natural born kids) there (there was a problem with 'alcohol' in the schools LOL!) and returned to the UK when I was a few years old.

I had a good upbringing with a wonderful family and miss my adoptive Dad alot.  He died when I was a kid.  My Mum, brothers and I are very close.

I have always wanted to know who my American natural family were, to trace my Irish Ancestors and to know the whole truth about my origins.  Unfortunately adoptees don't have equal civil rights in the United States and I am denied access to my own information.

I have dual citizenship but no birth certificate - weird or what

Answer 5

i am an adoptee that was born to young parents with very troubled lives back then. they had wonderful hearts but was unable to care for me. addictions, family incest, fresh out of vietnam, just a list of issues that was diffcult for everyday life, let alone raising a child in that.

my adoptive parents were the real life version of ward and june. i had a stable secure life. i had everything i needed and almost everything i wanted. i was rather spoiled i must say. i was always the oddball, but that was just my personality. they were country and quiet and i was rock and roll and out of control. they thought i was nuts!

thats ok, they loved me anyway.

in my case it couldnt have turned out better. i was adopted for the right reasons to the right people. i have found both my bioparents and simply think they are the most wonderful people on earth. i love them with all my heart and respect the choice they made for me. they have since taken care of the problems they had and became fantastic people. i couldnt be prouder of them.

overall i am one of the most fortunate adoptees you will ever meet. i dont harbor anger or hostility, i respect ALL my parents for what they gave me in my life, i am lucky.

many do not have my happy story, i learned that here. it makes my heart ache that i was given so much and so many have pain associated with adoption. why i was so fortunate and others so unlucky is beyond me. but this is the reason reform is needed. and we are working on that.

Answer 6

I am a step parent to an adopted Chinese girl.  She was 14 months at the time of adoption and is now 11....she has been through many splits in her life.  Her adopted mother left the marriage for another man when she was first adopted.  After their divorce, her dad and I met and married years later.  She has been very much a handful.  Has great potential to be a great kid but, is caught up in the mom's adult issues between the two households.  She has self esteem issues and behavior stuff constantly going on.  I only wish that I can have the power to help her...she doesn't have respect and is hard to deal with.  A very sad story!!!

I guess if you should adopt, please, please, please be sure that you are in a good stable relationship, for the child's sake.  They have already lived an unattached life, they need constant love and a good foundation!!!!!!

Answer 7

I gave my daughter up in 1972, the next 30 years took a tole on me, then I found her in 2001 and that turned out good. She has told me she had a good life but always felt abandoned, hated me when she was little because i carried her in my tummy and not her amom and some of her afamily shunned her becasue she was not one of them. I never forgot her but lived my life as I could and had 1 son, whom I spoiled, now I spoil her too.

Answer 8

I want to know to...  can you tell me

Answer 9

I'm an adoptee that was adopted at the age of three after my birthmother relenquished me due to her substance abuse problems.

I had a horrible childhood & was adopted by abusive parents that had no buisness adopted a cat let alone a human. I was never given any normal childhood experiences. I've never had a birthday party, a sleepover, a birthday present, and every day I was reminded about how I came from a no good white trash crack w.h**e

I was thankfully taken by child protection when I turned 11 and stayed in foster care until I hit 18.

I searched for & was reunited with my birthmother in 1996. Best day of my life. My mother had long since cleaned herself up & is now a great mother & person to me and my other 2 siblings (yes, I had siblings !! they were raised with her) She is now a typical middle class suburban wife.

I have long since turned my back on my adoptive family, and doubt I will ever speak or see them again. No regrets. I found everything I could've ever wanted with my birth family. Saddly I'll probably never find my birth father, and to be honest I don't think my mother knows who he is. But that's life

Answer 10

I'm not adopted myself, but one of my best friends is. She was adopted from Ireland when she was a baby, and raised by parents in Ohio. She's 19 now, and has recently found her birth parents. They talked for a while over email, and she went to visit them in Ireland fairly recently. They had given her up for heaps of reasons, because they had very little money in the family, and there was er, incest involved. She says her parents didn't really regret giving her up, because she had a better life with her adoptive family, but they also said that they thought about her often. They still talk through email, and as far I as I know, they get on pretty well.

Answer 11

I am an adoptee.  I was placed with my family as an infant.  I couldn't asked for a better situation.  I have three siblings who are much older than me.  My oldest niece is only 3 years younger so we grew up more like siblings.  Like most families we have had our shares of up and downs but overall we are very close and loving towards each other.  Although I feel very happy and secure with my family I still longed to know more about my birth family.  About 10 years ago I obtained my non-identifying information and it took me another 3-4 years to finally feel ready to search.  Because I knew very little about  my birth family and wished to case no further grief to them I chose to use an adoption searcher who managed to confirm and locate my birth mothers side of the family in just a couple of days.  This is where my story turns sad.  I received my birth mother's name the day she passed away and found out about her passing the day of her funeral.  I grew up in the same town where she lived and she even attended high school with my oldest sister.  I have since met most of her family and have become acquainted with her mother.  Although this has been tough I truly believe God knew what he was doing when things didn't work out for us to meet each other.  Just so you all know my birth mother lived a very physically painful life and spent most of her life in and out of hospitals.  It was do to her disabilities that she placed me.  If you trust in the Lord to guide you, he will always make sure you get what you need even when it's not what you want.

Answer 12

I am an adopted adult. My adoption was closed, and I know nothing about my birth mother other than that she was short, bond, and was about 16 when I was born.

I have no real desire to find my birth parents, but I wish she knew how much I respect her for making such a difficult decision. (I assume my birth father did as well, but oddly, even trying to imagine another father is difficult) I think it is because I was adopted as an infant, and my adoptive parents (my real parents, in my opinion) are the only ones I've ever known. I do not tell everyone about my situation because really, I do not feel it really makes a difference, but my friends that do know are very understanding. In fact, my best friend from college was also adopted, which actually gave us something in common on which we could build a friendship.

I have a wonderful family who gives my unconditional love, something EVERY child, whether adopted or not, should have. I know a LOT of people on this site are so negative about adoption and it really upsets me. There are so many times when it is the right decision. Too many people who can't care for their children well can give birth, and people who would make great parents can't give birth, so I think adoption is the great equalizer. Just my 2 cents. :)

Answer 13

We adopted two little boys through the foster care system.

Their parents are both drug addicts and both have criminal historys.  There is also a history of more severe problems with the family (violence, sexual abuse, etc).  The boys both where born addicted to drugs and had been passed from family member to family member while the mother tried to get herself cleaned up.  When they finally were placed in foster care (with us) they both had significant development, medical, and psychological problems.

We had about of year of fostering them while waiting for the final outcome of the case.  Eventually, their mother voluntarily relinquished her rights and their father had his taken away because he never responded to court notifications.  

The boys are the light of our lives.

Answer 14

I couldn't get into your blogs (couldn't find them) would love to read them

I am was adopted at birth and it's a soap opera.  My bio parents were married and had 2 girls when they found out they were preggers with me.  I was supposed to have been aborted but it didn't happen (whole 'nother story).

I went home from the hopstial with my parents (adoptive ones, but when I say parents that's who it is).

When I was 22, married and with 2 of my own, I got a call from my bio sister.  They wanted to meet and it all happened so fast.  I went to meet them and while it is a very long story, I'll sum it up by saying they had a whole preconceived notion of who I was.............and I wasn't...I didn't grow up as the imagined, I didn't look as they imagined, I didn't live where they imagined, etc...etc... slowly but surely I came to realize that they were never going to accept me for who I was, they were going to try to turn me into who they thought I should be.  

I was young and dumb when we met and I'll admit I said what I knew they wanted to hear but that didn't last long, before it started rubbing me the wrong way.  I could have easily made a place for them in my life but they needed to realize that in my heart my life turned out the way it was supposed to.  I was meant to be adopted. Yet they would show me pictures and wonder where I would have been in those pictures.  I looked at those pictures and never thought I was supposed to be in them!  

It's a long story but needless to say the only one I'm in contact with is my bio dad.  And that is just phone calls and emails.  He is not married to bio mom anymore, not for years upon years and he is not in contact with any of them.

My loyalty lies with my family...the ones who adopted me....the only family I know.  I didn't NEED my bio family, I had a mom, I had sisters, but we could have forged a wonderful relationship, I have no doubt but to me, they just would not let that happened unless it was on their terms.

If you want details or have any questions, just email me.

Answer 15

i gave my son up for adoption when he was born.  i didnt have the means to take care of him.  it was a private adoption and i knew the man who was taking him.  my son has a wonderful life and he is very well taken care of and loved.  he knows who i am and he calls me mom and we do  see eachother on the holidays.  his sisters love him very much too.  i did it because i love him and want the best for him, for me, it wasnt i could give that to him.

Answer 16

I adopted both my kids from China when they were infants.

Today, my oldest is in Middle School (and is taller than me!!!) My youngest is in Elementary School.

They are great kids!