How many people have left long term relationships because they just don't love the other person anymore?

Question

I know this subject has been brought up over and over again, but I have been with my live-in boyfriend (we call each other husband and wife) for over 12 years. He was very controlling in the beginning and he drank a lot. I was a self-sufficient person before I met him, still am, but his jealousy took the life right out of me, and I became a total *****. He will take any bullshit from me that I pass out, as long as he believes I'm not messing around. He also quit drinking a couple of years ago, and a couple of months ago after he thought I might leave him, he relented on his jealousy a little, but it's just too little too late. But I can't bring myself to leave him because I worry he'll start drinking again, which he's kind of started since I scared him to death over leaving, plus I feel sorry for the fact that he's almost 50 and I'm kicking him into starting a new life. I know I'm not his mother, that he should be able to live his own life, etc., but for some reason this feeling of "what will he do" is just choking me. Some days I think I can make a go of it, you know, tell myself that I've managed to stick it out this long, that he's really a good man, why would I want to start all over again, but other days, I just want to run for the door. Another thing is that we work in the same building and I feel it would be d**n near impossible for him to forget me; and don't even think about suggesting I get another job - I've been at this one for way too long and I am very successful at what I do. Can those of you who have been in my shoes please shed some light on why I'm glued to this man, and how you finally got out?

Answer 1

You both will survive a break up if that is what happens. His world is not gonna crumble into dust. I know you prefer to think that it will but he will be fine.

Answer 2

I was in a similar relationship for a number of years. When it came time to walk away he was going to kill himself, couldn't ever live without me, would never get over me, blah, blah, blah. That was about 5 years ago. He is fine today. He has even gotten to the point where he can talk to me without the whole "why did you do this to us". Your man will be fine. It'll take some healing time but he will be okay. If you know this is what's best for the two of you, don't wait. Just let him go so he can begin to move on. Staying isn't fair to either one of you.

Answer 3

Mine.  I used to love him in the beginning but he was too demanding and didn't want me to have a life outside our house even when he didn't want to come home.  He treated me like a possession and acted like when he walked out the front door that I and the kids should be on pause until he walked in again.  I worked several years and he gave me a cell phone so he could keep track of where I was and was constantly asking where I was.  I was working and he didn't want to believe me.  

I am a professional bookkeeper and worked long hours for CPAs and my ex could not understand that.  He would call my office phone number and ask where I was!  He has this need to be in control and I got tired of that and his demanding that I allow him to bring another into our bedroom.

Answer 4

well one of the stongest reasons why its hard to leave someone after a long period together is that when two people have sexual intercouse together you both become        ONE.

your not seperate any more, and you become one in spirit body and mind ,by the way you have stated that he is a control freak but then you are also a controller too. my best bet for you is get counselling together and consider marriage, as defacto relationships dont bring any type of security in a relationship regardless of how hard you try. cheers peter.