How many people who believe Americans should adopt domestically before looking international have adopted?

Question

I mean really, if you are that adament about the necessity of finding homes for the children in foster care why are you not adopting them? I am sure a few people who push domestic adoption over international adoption have adopted domestically from foster care but I believe most of the people that push domestic adoption first have never done it. It's just a soap box they use to critisize others.

People have their reasons for adopting international and I am sure it is right for their family. Maybe one of the parents is from another country and they want to bring a child into their family of that nationality. Maybe they have been on trying to adopt for a number of years and are tired of waiting. Maybe their God is leading them in that direction.

I started off the entire adoption process looking at domestic infant adoption, after checking into it with several agencies I had to look outside the US. If you want to critisize international adoption try adopting domestically.

Answer 1

There are probably more people than you realize who understand why someone would adopt a baby from another country.

There is a heartbreaking number of children in foster care and in need of permanent families, and there is a heartbreaking number of Special Needs children (if anyone goes to a site that shows their pictures, stories, and needs they'll cry because some of these little folks need round-the-clock, heavy-duty, care of their serious medical needs); but not all individuals and families are well suited to adopt older children or Special Needs children.    It is noted on the nation-wide Special Needs site that some children must have parents who have no other children or who have grown children.  Some need a mother who can devote 24 hours to them and not work - ever.   Older children often have emotional problems that need someone who is able to work with the child or at least can overlook some things.  

When an individual or couple wants to start a family and raise a baby right from the beginning they aren't necessarily looking to adopt a child for the sake of adoption.  They want the chance to raise a baby from infancy their own way and bond with that child just as they would a biological child.  They want to give one infant a chance at a "regular" and nice life.  Not everyone wants an infant either, so there are also people who would like to adopt older children - just not enough of them.  The two types of potential adoptive families fall into different categories, though.

For the families for whom adopting an infant or young toddler is right there is a shortage of healthy infants in the U.S.  A couple of years ago I saw a program on some orphanage (or such facility) in Canada, where there are Black American babies being cared for.  The reason is that in the U.S. there aren't enough Black families looking to adopt as there are Black babies who need to be adopted, and someone doesn't want non-Black couples adopting Black children.

With the shortage of healthy babies in the U.S., couples may turn to surrogate mothers, but that's about having babies that don't exist already.  It isn't about matching up existing infants with parents who are looking for infants.  Many people who adopt infants are perfectly happy to simply find an existing baby who needs a good family and childhood.  It is an altruistic factor for parents who seek infants who are already living over seeking a surrogate mother or "looming over" an expectant, American, mother and waiting to see what she decides to do with her baby.

Not all couples are willing or able to risk taking in an infant as a foster child, with the idea that he/she MIGHT be placed for adoption later - only to love an infant until he/she is three years old and learn that he/she will not be put up for adoption after all.

Not all poor children in the U.S. are up for adoption.  Many have loving, decent, parents.  Not all foster children even want to be adopted.  (I know of one little foster girl who was placed at six years and who became attached to her foster family and was devastated at being sent out of state to an adoptive family, after she had been included in a local news segment on children who needed permanent homes.)  For the most part, America's poor children are not usually in the dire situations the poorest children of other nations often are.

The motives behind, and circumstances for, adopting are different for people looking for infants and people who are better suited to adopting older children.   Older children may be right for the couple who will  become elderly before an adopted child reaches 18, but it is natural for young couples who want to build a family (and be a family for an adopted child) would want to raise a child from infancy - their way - and not just improve the life of the child but actually prevent problems the child may otherwise have had.

There is a shortage of healthy, adoptable, infants in the United States, and there has been for quite a while.  There is no shortage infants who need parents in other parts of the world, and feeding them where they are is often even a challenge

If there is such a thing as Heaven, it is very unlikely that when adoptive parents show up at the gates they will be met with, "Before you get in here could you assure us that the child to whom you gave such a good life, and whom you raised as your own and loved as your own, is American?"

Answer 2

As a parent of three internationally adopted children, I totally agree with you!

Answer 3

I don't have very many concerns about international verses domestic adoption.  For one thing, not all kids in foster care are available for adoption.

What I think is sadder is all of the people who only want to adopt an infant or toddler.  I wish more people would consider adopting older children.

Answer 4

I feel you should adopt domestically before internationally. Why not help the kids in YOUR country??????

Answer 5

I agree with you.  While I do wish that the children in this country could be adopted before international children, the truth is that our government doesn't make it easy to adopt children here.  Whether it be the cost, or the laws protecting the adoptive family, etc., it is not easy to adopt here.  I know because we did, and we were involved with the foster care program in NJ also.  If we chose to do it again, we would not rule out international adoption simply for the fact that we've heard it is much easier and the chance of the government trying to return the child to the biological family isn't there as much as it is here.  

You said you started the adoption process, but didn't say if you have finalized it yet.  Either way - congratulations and good luck!  It can certainly be a stressful journey, but it is worth every minute of it when you bring your child home!

Answer 6

i do feel we have plenty of children domestically that need homes, and it does make sense if you are looking to adopt to look into this, but i dont knock anyone that chooses to go international. each family is different and have a choice what they want to do, no one has any right to condem them for that.

personally, if i wanted to adopt i think i would look domestically, but that doesnt mean my way is the best way. people that are being so critical need to realize it flat out is none of their business, they control their life and their decisions, not anyone elses.

i hope your adoption story had a happy ending either way

Answer 7

I am completely 100% in adopting local before going global!!!

Answer 8

My husband and I are about to adopt two boys who are in foster care, age 9 and 10.  We live in Canada, and they live in the same province.  If we wanted an infant, we would have to wait, or go through private or international adoption.

We both feel that we need to help our own before we help those internationally.

Answer 9

I think that the great thing about adoption is that there really is something for everyone.  Some people are more comfortable with certain things that others may not be.  Travel, for example, is something that may eliminate some families or encourage others.  Some may look forward to adding a new culture to their family while others may prefer to blend more.

I don't think anyone should be criticized for their choices.  I always encourage people to do as much research as they can.  Understanding of socio-economic conditions around the world may affect your choices.

Answer 10

I was a child in foster care my whole life. I completly believe that couples who want babies or kids should get children from the usa. They try to say children in other countries have it worse and need help more but that is not true! I was in care forever, we were treated like animals, ate the same food they give inmates, wore clothes out of shared closets. Most of us didnt have underwear or shoes of our own. This was in the late 90s early 2000s, so dont let someone try to tell you its not like that anymore because it is. Most of those kids are there for reasons beyond thier control, and it's not fair to them or the future of our own country to leave them behind completly forgotten.

Answer 11

I think that some of it is cost. I think it cost less to adopt from another country. I am also tired of people just wanting to adopt the babies and they don't seem to care about you if you are over eight or nine. There should be a price cut for older kids.

Answer 12

This is EXACTLY how *I* feel: For those of you that think we should adopt domestically before going international... how many children have you adopted domestically through foster care?

Answer 13

You are so right!  There are many reasons people choose to adopt domestically or internationally.  Unfortunately, not ALL of those parents or all of those reasons make sense to everyone.  But that's o.k.  That's why we have choices within adoption.  I would never want a couple who thinks that adopting internationally is "saving a poor orphan" to adopt internationally.  Nor would I ever want a couple to adopt through domestic foster care who only wants only a child who has "no health or emotional issues".  It is time for Social Workers who conduct Adoption Homestudies to get rid of the idea that they are working for the adoptive parents.  They are working for the child who may be adopted!  As such, some couples (or singles) need to be qualified to adopt a specific child based on the parents abilities, lifestyle, openness, strengths, resources, education, family support, lack of prejudices, infertility resolution, etc., etc., etc.  Rather than approved based on the child they "want" to adopt.  Choices.  Yes.  But also we must always, always, always, look at the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD first.  Some Adoptive Parents, although it may be a very small number, may need to be denied.  For example, would you want to saddle a child with the enormous lifelong expectations of looking like their adoptive parents?  (Some parents do request or secretly want this.)  Or what about the lifelong expectation of being perfectly healthy (as some adoptive parents request), or being 100% Caucasian, or "no more than 1/4 African American"?  And what about the built in negative legacy of having your "story" of birth family poverty and deprivation preceding you everywhere you go, as in the case of some folks who adopt (mostly) internationally and then go about telling everyone what ruins their child was born into!  (Some people call this the "Rescue" syndrome, as if adopting a child is a philanthropic project, rather than just another way to have a family or increase a family.

Answer 14

Either way, you're doing something that deserves praise. Domestically or internationally, you're still making a difference and helping out. I'm a mother of 5. 3 adopted, 2 twins.

Answer 15

I understand where you're coming from but I believe that people should adopt from whereever their heart leads them whether that be the United States, China or Africa. Its really a personal choice.

Answer 16

This is a very hot and debated topic. It is in the press a lot due to Hollywood stars adopting internationally. Now there is a lot of press about Russia being "closed" to international adoptions to the U.S. However, that is not true. There just happens to be no accredited agencies in the U.S. to be able to work with Russia right now. Private adoptions still occur in Russia.

I agree with you. There seems to be a lot of people who believe if you are going to adopt, it should be domestically. My family just adopted a 6 year old girl from Russia in December 2006. So, she's been in this country for 6 months. She is doing wonderfully! She is a wonderful addition to our family. Our 2 sons love her, our family just loves her, she is still the talk of the town, everyone in her elementary school wants to be around her... and of course my wife and I love her dearly.

This is how our story ended. It did not start this way. We decided to adopt and looked into the Foster Care system. We got all the necessary training to become foster parents, got our homestudy completed and looked all over the U.S. for our little girl. DFS in our state is less than forthcoming. They were not willing to work with us. After filling out tons of paperwork on what type of child we would and would not consider, DFS kept sending us children we were not interested in. That may seem cold to some, but I am not the parent-of-the-decade in that I was willing to adopt a child; any child. We had an image in mind of who we wanted.

We found several girls in other states' Foster Care system, but because we were in another state, they would not even look at our application. They would rather find a family in their own state.

We networked with many foster parents. Some have been fostering for less than a year up to 10 years. A few loved it, a few were doing it out of duty for children who have no family and many were tired and trying to get out. The Foster Care system in this country is a wonderful idea. However, the practice is very flawed! These poor children are removed from their home, put into a foster home, moved to another home, given back to their parents, taken back away into another foster home, and on and on. Sure, there are wonderful stories as well, but my experience is not very pleasant with the Foster Care system.

When we decided to adopt from Russia, peopel asked WHY? "Why would you adopt from another country when we have children right here who need a family?!" Even some of our family asked us that!!! A lot of our answers to that question are stated above. However, the most important reason is because domestic adoptions in this country CAN be a legal nightmare. We have a friend who adopted their foster child and the state later gave custody back to the birth mother. And this was after 18 months. I have heard too many statistics about adoptions being overturned because the birht mother wants the child back.

We were not going to take a chance like that. Even when an adoption from Russia is $30,000+ and a domestic adoption is $5,000 or less... we were not going to take that chance.

What worked for our family will not work for everyone. Call me selfish, but I chose the route that worked best for us. And that was to adopt Elizaveta from Russia. No doubt has ever entered my mind.

I am with you on this one... Each family wishing to adopt has to make a very hard decision. They are embarking on a very long and emotional process. Domestic or international? It's only up to you if you are the one making that decision.