How many stay-at-home moms not appreciated?

Question

Do you have a husband that thinks because he brings home the money he should be in control? I work part-time but still am a firm believer that stay-at-home moms work just as hard as their husbands. Taking care of kids is not easy it is a full time job and when the husband comes home he should help with everything because just like him we are at home working just as hard. When my husband starts complaining or making comments i tell him that he can start paying me then for day care and to clean the house. How many other people feel not appreciated because they choose to stay home?

Answer 1

On the contrary it's quite the opposite.  My husband is very appreciative of what I do as a SAHM.  He hands the finances over to me because I'm better at organizing and handling money.  When we first got married he had over $14,000 in debt in credit cards that I managed to clear up in two years.  I budgeted the money and was able to wipe it out quickly.  My husband pitches in a lot too when he can.  His work requires a lot of travel, as a matter of fact he's in Memphis, TN this week.  But he's very supportive and appreciative of me.  He's an amazing man.

He appreciated what I do with the children and how well I care for them.  I enjoy it.  Sure I have days where I feel like I'm just a nanny and housekeeper, but don't we all?  I feel very appreciated and I am appreciated.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband is not as appreciative.  SAHMs DO work just as hard as everyone else.  And we don't get paid to do what we do!  You are doing a very important job.  Don't let anyone, not even your husband, make you feel like it's not important.  You kids tell you otherwise.

-Add-

Oh, sorry!  I got the impression that you were upset with your husband.  My mistake.  I'm glad he does help out around the house too.  But I still don't believe that gives him the right to control all the money.

Answer 2

I stay at home and my husband has never once treated me the way yours is treating you. He started to grumble about it a few months ago, so for one week, I didn't clean the house (not even the dishes). I didn't cook or do laundry. If he wanted something done, he had to do it himself. He quickly realized how much of an asset I was just by staying home. It isn't an easy job. He might think you sit around and watch TV all day or something. Do what I did. Let him see how much hard work it is. Be open and honest with him. Tell him you feel that you equally contribute to your family's wellbeing and that he's hurting your feelings by treating you like this and that you're losing respect for him. Be honest.

Answer 3

I am very lucky, because my husband is amazing. He helps out with everything, even cooking and cleaning and I don't even have to ask! He just tells me to relax because he knows I've had a hard day. He tells me every day how much he loves me and appreciates the things I do, so I feel very blessed to have him, but in a way I know how you feel because that's how my dad treated my mom.

She would get very frustrated and upset with him because he comes home, demands dinner on the table, wonders why the laundry and dishes aren't 100% done, and asks when the last time she dusted was.. so I know it's fairly common and it makes me sad that men don't appreciate their wives and all of the hard work they do.

Answer 4

I know exactly what you mean I had this problem until my partner looked after our children as I was ill and he said to me I dont know how you cope it is so hard so now he helps me out in what ever way he can im so glad he realised.Hope your husband does too cos its not easy Good Luck.

Answer 5

yes i do feel a lack of appreciation.  i just went back to work 3 nights a week and my hubby was all like oh i'm going to start helping out blah blah blah... well... NO .... i don't think i've ever seen him do LESS than he's done since i went back to work!  I leave the house, kitchen, clean and even dinner is already made when i go to work... i come home at 1am to a sink full of dishes and sometimes he doesn't even clear the table.  it really ticks me off.  i told him so just yesterday, and i left for work in tears,, i told him i was already thinking of quitting my job because i can't stand the mess i have to clean 3 mornings a week!  when i leave the house is clean and food is made, i expect to come home to at least the kitchen cleaned up and leftovers put away, it would be a start.  soooo.. i came home this AM and yes he did clean up.. will it last?......  i don't know.. i hope so.. but.. i think moms that are home full time or even just most of the time, like me.. have felt this way for centuries.  Even when i was working full time, i came home from work and did all the laundry, cleaned bathrooms, cooked meals and froze them, did the errands.... it didn't matter that i worked as many hours as he did outside the home.  i think its just the way things are.

Answer 6

my hubby actually helps me out maybe not as much as i would like but i believe he knows it is a full time job to stay at home and do everythng that needs to be done.he will clean the kitchen if i cook,sometimes he cooks,he will wash the bottles and he does his own laundry and takes care of outside work so i am very appreciative of that.however i know people that their husbands thought that and it isnt fair b/c the women dont ever clock out it is a 24 hr.job

Answer 7

When i stayed at home with my daughter, my husband was very supportive.   He never complained and always helped out.

Answer 8

Sometimes I feel unappreciated.

My husband said to me a couple of weeks ago that I don't have that much to do at home being pregnant and taking care of our 14 month old twins and doing everything around the house.

That crushed me and made me feel 2 inches tall, really.

It's hard.

He does try to control things too but I have to stand up to him sometimes and do what I need to do.

It's long and complicated, but don't feel like you're alone because you're not alone.

Answer 9

Husbands, helpful or not, will never understand what a stay at home mom goes through in a day..(full of part time).  The work is not only physically tiring, but emotionally exhausting too.  We never switch off, even when the kids are at school or in bed.  

When my husband has those complaining days I just remind him that he has to trust me, and that if everything is not perfect in the house it is because the kids' needs for time and attention were more important than vaccuming!  Also when we agreed to have kids we made the decision together that I would be a stay at home mom.  I don't know if that is the case for you but if it is, a gentle reminder always helps.  The fact that you don't contribute as much financially should not be an issue, you are investing in to the lives of your kids and you can not put a price on that.

Yes, husbands should help, I find that instead of telling him to do something I give him a choice..."Would you like to do the dishes or start bathtime with the kids?"  or "The kids would love to spend some time with you at bathtime, you want to join us?"

I appreciate you as a fellow mom, I give you props...if your husband doesn't appreciate you....your kids always will !!!!!!!

Answer 10

I'm sorry i dont support the Poor Me's.  Whether I'm full time,  part time, or stay-home, I'm purposely holding back for now.  The answer might surprise you.  I have a huge amount of respect for stay at home moms.  What a sacrifice they make!  And full time workers?  Maybe even more.  How difficult it is to make the decision to go to work knowing those tykes are better off with you there.  But when either of these careers are backed by boo-hoo, well that respect dwindles.

As a mother, like any mother, I ram a lot into a day.  A full time working mother has problems too, and feels a lack of appreciation somewhere else.  So do fathers.  So do teachers.  Everyone has moments where they say Geez that's not fair.  I have four kids, one with special needs, and you'll never hear me asking you to light a candle for me.  Everything I do that I'm doing for my family, I do quietly because it's for my family.  It's what I chose.  If it's happening too much or consuming you then do something about it.  Best advice I ever got was from an old timer:  "Don't complain about your achin' feet if you're gonna continue to buy cheap shoes."  Switch roles with him for a day, get a part time job after he comes home, or somehow do something about it.