How many times should the mother-in-law be allowed to visit?

Question

There really ought to be some limit, I usually allow one visit every four months, and one more during emergencies, "letter permitting received within 48 hours notice " I time it on a quarterly basis, as all unpleasantries "such as bills" are dealt with the same day to avoid contaminating the rest of the month. During this process, my wife is confined to the basement for a total of two hours, then it's time to ship the loon out back to the squalid bedsit she crawled from. I'm really fed up with the infernal racket, on how difficult it is nursing a sick husband, and constantly blistering on about my chums at the Raffles Club keeping me out through the early hours every morning. My wife is in floods of tears and making no sense whatsoever, all I can get out of her is 'Oh just do what you want' So I was thinking, any ideas on how to make them see sense in order to return to the peace and quiet I'm used to, as I have tried moving to another part of the manor but she keeps following me, I've even tried shouting but this just makes it worse?

Answer 1

Once a year....Christmas. Anything else is WAY to much!

Answer 2

mother in laws are great charactor builders.  

you should allow 3 times per day per your story  

Answer 3

Only one answer to this old chap, but it's rather...er...unorthodox.  You must sneak into her room one night festooned only with a panther skin posing pouch, and carrying an over-sized phallic object.  You must then declare in a caricaturial German accent that you "have always dreamed of this moment".

One suspects that this may mark the end of her visits old chap. However, if not, then you really are in trouble and may need to emigrate.  Toodle pip.

Answer 4

My dear Blackadder, why are you allowing this woman to visit at all? You're married  to her daughter not her.I understand you sometimes need your wife around to take care of things, including you when you come in "sick" but aren't there other lovely ladies in the village who would stay with you for a few days - or weeks- to attend to all of your needs, without constant tears & complaining? Find one or two of these ladies, engage their "services" for about a week every few months. Then send you wife away to visit her mother. Why should you have to tolerate their nonsense in your mansion? You deserve a little peace & quiet, not to mention the attentions of someone who appreciates you. Just quietly give your wife a ticket to visit her mum, hand her her packed bag, and gently shove her out the door. Be sure to lock it behind her so she does go away. Have fun!

Answer 5

Make a substantial enough "donation" to Mummy-in-Law's "cause" and trust me, she'll disappear with more speed than a pit bulll on a poodle.  *sigh* it's always so dreary when relations aren't "quality".....at least we have the means to solve most of these situations quite effectively....no matter how distastefull we find it.  Cheers.

Answer 6

Only on holidays ..more than that - the mother -in-law- is running your marriage

Answer 7

Never ever is the safest trouble free solution.

I hope this helps