How many times will you put up with your partner leaving during an argument? How long can they stay gone?

Question

Everyone argues. But, how many times would you put up with your partner actually leaving the house during a argument before you speak up?

And, how long would you allow them to be gone from the house each time, before you would call it quits or stop working on the marriage?

Answer 1

The response to this will certainly vary among different people. I can tell you from experience that when I used to walk out on arguments with my husband it was b/c we were yelling and shouting so much that we weren't listening to each other. I could never finish a sentence, and even if I was able to say something, it would fuel his anger further (b/c I was "talking back"). At those times I needed to get away b/c usually I would be crying uncontrollably and was too emotional to handle the situation.

This went on for several months and I would crash at different friends houses, my in-laws (not the ideal choice), my brother's apt - I went to different places so I never had to tell any of them what was really going on. The longest I stayed away during one of these fights was 5 days.

Eventually when I returned home, I was open and honest about where I had been b/c I never wanted him to have doubts about my fidelity. We are still working out our problems but this type of fighting no longer occurs. Instead, when we need to take a break from fighting, one of us just walks away and we have a rule - if I ask him to leave me alone, he must do it - and vice versa. This way we have a chance to cool down and resume at a later point.

So in answer to your question about how many times is enough, I don't think there is an exact answer. It just depends on whether both parties truly want to make it work... if so, then there is no magic number. But trust is a major issue in any relationship and any partner who takes off like that must be open about it so that there is never any doubt about where he/she has been during the time apart. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

Depends ...I would say the bigger issue is if your HEART is not in it why stay? there are no rules for the question your asking. If the same problems keep coming up over and over the relationship is not heading anywhere it's time to let go. If it's wonderful he keeps leaving well hon you can't have a relationship alone.

Answer 3

Does your partner tell you why he leaves?

Is it because he gets so angry leaving is the best thing to do?

It sounds like you need to go for counseling to talk about how to have a productive argument.

Leaving doesn't fix anything.

Answer 4

That is really a question only you can answer. How much are you willing to put up with...how much do you love them. Unconditional love is important but setting healthy boundaries is as well and you need to let your partner know that respect isnt an option in a relationship

Answer 5

Couples counseling is long overdue. The thing is if partner will not hear the other one and really get their point of view, it is hopeless. I knew someone who got granted a divorce based on bullying by the wife in similar situations.