How many were part of a FAILED "open" adoption?

Question

what happened? what were you told?

Answer 1

I am not personally involved in the adoption I am about to refer to, but served as the birthmother counselor. The adoptive parents were great prior to placement and promised inclusiveness and an open relationship. However, after the baby was placed in their home, they have become very hesitant about allowing the birthmother access to the child and do not want her or her family sending gifts or participating in "family" functions. I think either way (open or closed adoption) is fine, but it needs to be communicated and agreed to BEFORE the paperwork is signed so that there are no long lasting issues between the two sets of parents.

Answer 2

I'm not sure if this applies to your question or not, but I'll let you decide.

We are in both a successful as well as failed open adoption.  Let me explain.

Our adoption is supposed to be Open.  However, the bio-parents have chosen not to be involved in any aspect of our son's life.  They refuse to give any info to the agency so that our letters or photos can be forwarded.  It is especially difficult because of our son's genetic disorder.  

However, we do also have a successful open adoption with my son's paternal bio-grandparents.  We visit with them on a regular basis and they are included in all of our family functions as "Grandma & Grandpa".  They are wonderful people and have tried talking to their son (the bio-dad) also, but he barely acknowledges my son's existence.  

From an adoptive parent point of view, it hurts me that I am not able to keep some type of connection with the bio-parents for my son's sake.  However, having the openness with his grandparents makes it a very nice experience for us.  

Again, not sure if my answer is relevant, but I wanted to share my experience as an adoptive parent.

Answer 3

I was told I would be sent yearly pictures and able to have visits when he was older. He is 13 this month. No pics, no visits, no letters, nada.

I don't blame his parents, I know they want to keep this agreement. They are emergency foster parents and in order to keep that going they have to bend to the child welfare rules. They are not allowed to have any contact with me outside of the post adoption registry. Once my son is 18 there may very well be 15 years worth of letters and photos for me. I guess I just have to wait and see.