How many years older / younger are you than your spouse?

Question

A'salaamalaikum everyone :-)

I was just wondering what everyone's age difference is..

My dad always wanted me to get married to his friend's son and i'm 2 1/2 years older than him, the guy is okay with it but I'm not, i've always liked older guys. We kinda grew up together and I remember him as that 5 year-old kid that always bugged me lol i honestly dun think of him like that but my parents insist he's a great guy n would treat me like a princess. He's 17 yrs old now n his beard is coming out but he still feels like a kid to me lol if i do get married to him I dun think I'll have that respect for him cause he's younger than me n i would expect him to follow my rules lol i'm pretty controlling too. So do you think i'm overreacting? am i making a big deal out of it? Honestly..for all of you married people, what's your age gap? For all you single guys would it bother/intimidate you if your wife was a lil older? For all you single girls, do you agree with how I'm feeling about all this?

Answer 1

It wouldn't bother me if my wife was a few years older. Because there's this one that I really like, she's 20, and I'm 16, I'll see what happens.

Answer 2

walikum as'salam.

well actually the way youre thinking of this situation is not overreacting at all. my honest answer is, if you really get along with him, feel like u can spend the rest of ur life with him, then age shouldnt matter. if you dont think theres any respect between you and him now, it will come after marriage, because thats where to people become one. 17 and 19 is a little young for marriage, but im sure this isnt happening right now. just make sure that he is mature enough to accept this relationship before you give it your all.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Nah I would feel the same, I'd feel like I'm marrying a kid, especially at that age 'cos girls mature quicker than guys. Maybe in a few years time he'd be more mature.

Answer 4

my wife is older than I am by 14 months

Answer 5

He's 17 and he has decided he wants to get married to a girl two years older than him. (maybe because a 15 year old won't agree to marriage)

ehempervehem

Answer 6

My husband is ten years older than me, and I'm so happy for the age difference.  He tells me stories about the adolescent behavior he engaged in when he was my age, and I never would have married him in those circumstances.

Age aside, I think it would be a very big issue if you married someone that you disrespected and tried to control.  I'm not criticizing you for having a controlling personality, because I too can be very controlling.  Some people just have forceful personalities.  Because of this, it took me a long time to find someone to marry who I could see as an equal partner.  Nothing breeds resentment in a marriage like one party trying to make rules and control the other.  

Your parents probably want what's best for you, but it sounds like you know this isn't going to work, so you should probably respectfully decline.  You should perhaps think carefully about the type of person you do want to marry so you can tell them and they can help you find someone who will be a better fit.  There's nothing bad about wanting to marry an older man.  It's my opinion that it can sometimes take men a little longer to grow up.  In'shallah, your extra caution will lead to a good marriage.

Answer 7

I am 16 and my husband is 10.

Answer 8

I wouldn't have a problem with a guy being younger than me especially if he is mature. and if u like him, why not? but if u dont like him, just dont push urself.

My fiance is 8 years older than me.

Answer 9

Wow, I find some of the above answers quite shocking. I personally wont ever marry someone even a minute younger than me, the minimum is 1 year and the maximum is 5 years. When I'm around people my age (15), I feel like I'm around giggly little 8 year olds. If I married someone younger than me, then I'd feel like I've married a baby brother to be honest. I'd want my husband to be mature but not boring.

If you dont wanna marry the 17 year old lool then refuse this 'proposal'. I wouldnt blame you, I'd feel quite uncomfortable.

Answer 10

I would feel a little intimated with an older wife. It probably feels better for both persons when the husband is older and the wife is younger.

Answer 11

Whatever you feel happy with. It is your life, and it will be your future together that you must consider and feel happy with.

I can understand your feelings, though I knew someone as a boy in the family, theres 23 years difference but we are compatible in most ways (so far) now we will consider making a life together - for his security and our happiness. A tranquil life is common ground for both of us.

Answer 12

If you have these feelings then you should not marry him.  I am 15 years older than my husband and I respect him very much.  He is much more mature than his years and I am much more youthful than mine.  He is the head of our home and I've never once thought any difference just because I am older.  However, we are both over the age of 30 and were mature enough to realize what true love is.

Answer 13

do not marry someone younger than u!! men grow up slower than women thats why we are more mature n that n older man is grown up n you guys will get along much better

Answer 14

i would like my husband to be maximum 7yrs older than me

Answer 15

I think maturity has a lot to do with it, and looks too. If he looks like a little boy, than obviously I wouldn't think of him as someone I would want to marry but seriously, he's not gonna look that way forever. And if he acts like a little kid, I would feel no attraction either, unless I was the same ha! But again, it's not as if you are marrying now (right?) so when you both are older, it'll be different. I'm 18 right now, and I do not wanna marry any one who is more than 3 years older. And that's just me, my friends are like 6, 7 years max and I'm like EWWW but see that's just my opinion on age, inshallah I wanna marry someone who is the same age as me. I never thought about marrying someone younger....probably b/c I never thought someone younger would want to marry me :) I asked my older brother that question the other day, he said he wouldn't care, that it doesn't matter, but for himself he doesn't want her to be more than 12 or so years older...I think he said that b/c the Prophet pbuh was married first to someone older, and if it is okay with the Prophet pbuh, well then my brother wants to be just like him, as an example. But honestly, for the majority, its the way we have been raised. The guy is usually older than the girl, but nowadays the age gap is pretty close. Now you feel that way, but really, in the future who knows except Allah swt. I find you very lucky to know someone since your childhood who you might marry. B/c when you're kids of course you can be friends with boys and girls, and you should know him pretty well now.....I always wished that I could know the guy I would marry for years in childhood (and not think of him as a brother) so I would truly know his personality before marrying him. Well, people do change of course, but not completely all the time. Inshallah all goes well, and your parents do know best.

Answer 16

lol @ MSN, but, i agree with you about marrying someone younger than you, I would feel the same.>>>No respect and the whole he's younger than me thing would bother me. I dunno...that is just the way i think.

Good Luck! :-)

Answer 17

my fiance is older than me in 4 years

I think age is just a number, but its still your choice

Answer 18

am not married

u can refuse him coz it's ur right to do so ,but u should think and don't make a hasty decision

Answer 19

I am 19 and my wife is 35

Answer 20

I'm married to a wonderful man who is 13 years younger than i am.

I do respect him very much as he does me. I never, ever thought i could fall for some one younger than me and yet it happend! He always treats me with kindness and love. I feel like the most loved, cherished woman in the whole wide world!

my pervious marriage (when i was not a Muslim yet) was with a man a lot older than me. That did not work out, because he was just not such a nice man as he appeared to be.

You are both still very young though, so i do think you do not have to decide over night do you?

But in short..... age is nothing but a number.

May Allah give you the best sis!

Answer 21

my husband is 9 years older than me.  Bottom line dear, you have the right to accept or refuse any proposal.  If you do not want to marry him, its your right to say no even if your family does not agree.

Answer 22

Salam for you my dear sister I was 7 years older than my wife when I got married.