How may you find out about biological parents after an adoption?

Question

My mother-in law was adopted and according to my sister-in law knows who her biological parents are. She (rightly so I believe) strongly believes that her adoptive parents are her only parents. However, because of this she won't let anyone of her children know who their biological grandparents are. I respect her wishes but at the same time some of her children would like to trace back their family heritage and I think it's important to know for medical reasons. Is it possible for my husband to uncover this inforamtion on his own without going through his mother? Please no rude comments.

Answer 1

I am adopted myself and there could be a reason that your mother-in-law wants the information about her biological parents left alone.

My parents when they adopted me found out some of the family history and I have gone with that information.  Why doesn't your husband and his siblings sit down with their mom and let her know that they want to find out if there is any medical concerns they should be made aware of.

Respect your mother-in-law and let her keep her private information private.

I don't want to find my birth parents because 30 years ago my birth mother wanted me, but 30 years later who knows she may have another family and did not tell them about me.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, you can do this but you have to be very sneaky and some how obtain information about the bio. family so that you can start your search.

Your sister-in-law, knowing who they are, can trace back using that info she has.  Maybe she can trace back through obits, birth annoucements, etc...This is how I found my family.  If she also knows where the location was or where they lived at the time of the adoption, what agency was used for the adoption, you should have no trouble tracing back history.

But, and this is just a thought, maybe you or someone can ask her about it.  I understand that her adoptive parents are her only parents, but she still knows.  If she is no help, maybe ask her parents themselves.  Who else could supply you with more than enough info.

If it is for medical reasons, you may be able to contact the agency and explain that you would like non-identifying information.  This request would have to be done by the adoptee.  

So your husband can trace back through obits, births, marrianges, etc....

Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for.

Answer 3

your husband should be able to get a birth certificate even though her name is changed or seek an agency who deal with that sort of thing ie adoption

Answer 4

It might be a good idea for her children to sit down and explain why they want to have more information about thier biological grandparents and explain what they will do with the information.

Answer 5

It really depends on how much you know.  If you only know your MIL's name, then there's probably not much you can do.  Especially because it was so long ago, they didn't keep the greatest adoption records until somewhat more recent years.  If you know where specifically she was born, what day, etc. you may be able to find out who was at the hospital, (if it was at a hospital)... there are people out there who will investigate it for you, I think you could "google it".   But you need as much information as you can get.  That's really not fair of your MIL to keep it to herself.  Maybe your husband and the others could find a way to let her know how important it is for him to know about his history.  My husband was adopted, and if our children want to find out their biological history, there's no way he would keep it from them.  That's just not right.  

But as far as "for medical reasons", I used to think that, too, because of having kids with my husband.  But really, just because you know what happened to people in the past, it doesn't mean that's what will happen in the future- it's no guarantee that that info will actually do you a bit of good.   Each of us needs to take good care of ourselves anyways, right?    Good luck~

Answer 6

As an adult adoptee I found that many states have lifted the lid on closed adoptions.  If you can get the file number on her birth certificate--amended adopted copy--you may be able to get with the registrar of deeds in the county of her birth and request the original document.  The names should appear there.  But, usually only the child named on the certificate and the parents may have access to this information.  You may also do some research as to adoption agencies in the area of her birth place.  See if any are still in operation.  This doesn't sound easy as it has been a few years.  Perhaps if enough kids/grandkids had a heartfelt talk with her, citing health history, she may relent??  Everyone deserves to know their heritage.  I wish you the best of luck with this.