How might my serving wench prepare a good cup of tea?

Question

I was busy attending to my personal affairs the other day, when the notion of a cup of tea crossed my synapses. I summoned one of the serving wenches and ordered a gallon of tea.

Unfortunately, when the liquid was delivered to my boudoir, it had the consistency of porridge and the taste of excrement. Naturally, I horsewhipped every single member of staff to within an inch of their life.

How might I encourage the production of an acceptable cuppa?

Answer 1

My dear fellow i fear you have been far to lenient on the wench in question but far be it for me to involve myself in the household affairs of another.  But regardless of your liberal methods of discipline i was gripped by your question, so over a glass of port last night myself and Lord Chummily Wummliy have chanced upon the conclusion that you need to hire yourself a China man.

Answer 2

How do I brew a perfect cup of tea?

    Good quality water and proper brewing time are essential for a delicious cup of tea.

    1. Start with a preheated pot or cup (simply fill your teapot or cup with very hot water and let it stand for a moment).

    2. Use fresh cold water. In areas with poor tap water, use bottled or filtered water. Never use water from the hot water tap. Let the tap water run for a few seconds until it is quite cold; this ensures that the water is aerated (full of oxygen) to release the full flavor of the tea leaves.

    3. Bring water to a rolling boil. Don't let it boil too long, as it will boil away the flavor releasing oxygen and result in a flat tasting cup of tea.

    4. Pour boiling water on tea leaves or tea bag.

    5. Brew 3 to 5 minutes (for green teas, water should be a bit cooler and only steep for one to three minutes).

Answer 3

I could make you a very tasty brew that wouldn't taste of poo.

Answer 4

You have hit the nail on the head so to speak, beatings on a regular basis not only vents the spleen but has the effect of getting through to even the doziest of servants. It is, however, unlikely that they will ever learn, it has taken me the best part of 40 years to get Mrs Artinstall to make a half decent brew.

Answer 5

My good fellow,

Knowing that you will only whip them to within an inch of their life's keeps them from performing to your standards.  I might suggest that you give one staffer all whippings until death so the others may find that you are willing to go all the way.

Answer 6

Sir, you don't just order a gallon of tea. There are so many different types of tea and you specify the particular type you are after. Here is a link describing the preparation of various teas for your edification and that of your staff. http://www.planet-tea.com/preparation.ht...

Speaking of staff, make sure that for their own imbibing they stick to something suitable to their station, such as PG Tips. The posh varieties are for you and your entourage.

When recuiting serving wenches, it is highly desirable to ensure that they have, in their time, been Brownies. Brownies have to learn to make cups of tea in order to win their Golden Hand badge and have to be particular about every detail, including and especially warming the pot.

Answer 7

Horsewhipped staff invariably resort to serving excrement.

Answer 8

Ha!!  Serving wench!  Well, if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself.

Answer 9

PG tips  

Answer 10

Well now, as you know I am famed for my perfect cups of Rosy Lee (I suppose my name was a bit of self fulfilling prophecy).

Send the gel over to me and I will school her on the art of Tea.

My programme is not an easy one but if she succeeds you will be in Tea bliss.. however if she fails she will be punished and marked for all to see by the loss of her arms. She won't be able to make you any of that vile damaging liquid crud, she'll be armless.

Answer 11

The only way I know how - make it yourself!

Personally I love strong tea so you would hate mine too - I leave the tea in the pot for at least 5 minutes stirring it twice during that time.  I place a tiny splash of semi-skimmed milk in a cup (about 1/2 a teaspoon) and then top it up.  If I can see through the tea as I pour it, I leave it for another 5 minutes before pouring the rest of the cup!

Answer 12

I have been told that Rosy had wonderful cups so to speak......

are they c's, or d's  dear

Answer 13

God you're a freaking dork.  And there's like a whole group of you losers.  Sad.