How much do you wipe after the bathroom? Am I weird?

Question

I seem to run through a lot of T.P. after I take an #2. At work, when I go to the bathroom I wipe and wipe and wipe until I can't even see even the faintest brown tint. But I have noticed that every time there is someone in a stall next to me, they finish wiping real quick. Like today, this guy next to me just exploded, so I knew it must have been a messy clean-up job. But he finished cleaning up in like 3 wipes while I was taking 10 or 12. At home, I'm so paranoid about being clean I use a babywipe t.p. combo (is this strange)?

How do you wipe? Do you not stop until you come away with a swipe that looks perfectly clean, or do you just stop when it seems like you probably got it all?

Answer 1

Wow!  I thought I was the only one who was like this!  Thanks for assuring me that I am not alone.

I am pretty much the same way that you are.  When I'm at home, I use the adult wet wipes, and I usually top it off with a wet wash cloth, just to make sure it's all gone.  When it's all said and done, it's probably better to be rid of as much fecal matter as possible.

Answer 2

Since you asked. First, not all the material you need to wipe is going to be the same each and every time - so you will have to make day to day adjustments based on the composition, viscosity and adhesive principles of the fecal material itself. Oh, and there is the matter of hair, no hair or a whole lot of hair. We shall discuss this issue in phases.

The first phase would be the assessment phase - and this is where we determine our course of action. In this phase the paper must be folded. Roll out about two feet of paper and fold it in half, fold it again in half then again. This should leave you with a square roughly 6 inches. Since you are male it is ok to start from front back to front. Using your left hand (this is the universaly accepted hand for wiping if you shake hands with your right) - grab your right cheek and pull out with your right hand -- then make one slow move from front to back stopping short about two inches past ground zero, -- stopping just short of the taint (southern term ... it taint *** and it taint balls or place appropriate slang for female parts here _________). Pull the paper up to view the Hershey-like striations or skid marks so to speak. This will tell you where you should concentrate your efforts. If your are on a tight budet or you are short on moon floss then you can fold the toilet paper again, with the chocolate swirls in on themselves. This can be used again and is a critical step for college students who must rely on procuring TP from the Student Union restrooms for their off campus apartments.

Phase two is the clean up - after having made your assessment you must move the banjo paper in with the skill of a Delta Force commando on a mission or a brain surgeon. As you can't see, where you are going you must go by intuition. Over time this ituition skill will come to you as if you were a Jedi Master. From back to rear repeat the method as first mentioned above but this time pay particular attention not to make but one stroke as not to smear. Get a fresh piece of sanitary paper, fold it as mentioned before and attack the remainder with one stroke only. Bring it up, check for target effect, fold then go back again with one stroke based on your sensing. You have one more chance to fold and mop things up. Do so at this time. Again, one stroke, one fold. Now you are ready for the last phase and possibly the optional OCD wiper hall of fame move.

The check wipe - Take your third and hopefully last pull from the roll of S**t wipe (Irish pronounciation so it rhimes) and fold in the established manner. Make sure you have a flat, folded 6 inch, re-enforced piece of paper. Start from back to front again, paying particular attention as not to drag it past the taint. Bring it up and make a determination.

Here is where we must do some deep soul searching and thought. Its not going to be completely clean and never is - you must make the deciesion. Do I stop and risk monkey butt or do I repeat some of the steps to make a final and clean go of it.

Here is what I recommend and this all depends on weather (sweat can do awful things to an unserviced butt crack), social status (are there many who will be kissing my @*** today?), situation ( at work, at home, going to take a shower before I go out, camping, with close freinds, at a nude beach, or on a date expecting sum later on, etc). A quick side bar note, should this happen on a date, you will have to go extremely fast or alert her to the fact you are pooping (this is a serious deal breaker) - quick in the aspect of she will know if you take a long time in the mens that its not the harmless #1 you have just engaged in but the dreaded dropping of the duce. Make quick work of it me boy. OK, once again my chivalry and sense of fair play compulses me to make this request. Should on the date as mentioned above you get to third base, please refrain from allowing her to drop down. Its what a gentlmen would do. Then again if an X or something it could be a dish best served cold.

Now comes possibly the gross or controvertial part and that is the final clean up. Again, this all depends on the situation. My situation for many years was that of a soldier in the feild where personal hygiene was never an option, it was a necessity to avoid sickness and major discomfort to you and your freinds who shared the tank with you. (oh and you learn big time how to conserve crack wipe as it is white gold in the feild).

The moist wipe - this is done by a little dripple of urine on the paper, not much just enough to create a moist wipe and not degrade the structural integrity of the paper. This serves as a cleaning agent as urine has certain antiseptic properties about it (your own urine that is). Now women, before you say gross, come on your use to this and will all know water runs down hill.

Its more like 6 for me. More sometimes should the situation and fecal circumstance dictate more. I hope you do well, good luck on the Holy Grail of wipe.

Answer 3

I wipe till after careful observation, no brown color comes off onto the t.p.

That depends on what my diet was the day before.  Sometimes it just takes one good swipe and everything is **** and span.  Other times, it takes more time and material.

Answer 4

Ooooohhh! you make me giggle and chuckle and guffaw! I love the very detailed answer of Mr. Jimmy. My suggestion is a simple one: carry around moist wipes, that come in a pre-packaged convenient form. Be careful not to get one with a lot alcohol in them so you don't irritate your poor bum more than you already are. Happy wiping! and please no thumbs down or poo-pooing

Answer 5

We use water to wash up after everytime we do a number #2. A combination of water and toilet paper dry works everytime.

Answer 6

why dont you try wet wipes?(toilet use ones not baby wipes)

Answer 7

I go through a roll in less then a week.

Answer 8

Watch out, excessive wiping can lead to a tear in the skin.  You might just have a little OCD or OCPD, but, to me, there's nothing wrong in trying to be clean.  Try using baby-wipes.  Of course, there are ones for adults (i.e. wet ones with anti bacterial).  Always carry them around for convenience.  

With baby-wipes, you should wipe about 3 times using 3 different plys, and then, with regular toilet paper, re-wipe- to rid of excess moisture.

But yes, you should wipe until you don't see any more traces of fecal matter.

-Jindy

Answer 9

Wipe well make sure the last piece of tp or wet wipe is spotless