How much importance do you place upon being honest and upfront?

Question

I'm posting my question on here because I'm hoping to get a better response from adults versus kids.

I met a man on an Internet dating site. We share a few common interests. We IM'd one another for about an hour. The conversation was good. And before we called it a night, he directed me over to his personal website.

On his website I made the discovery that he has Cerebral Palsy.

That information wasn't provided in his profile, nor did he bother to mention it during our conversation.

I'm rather taken aback by his condition. I even read up on it for a few days after our conversation.

Ultimately, as he ages, his muscles will tighten to the point of him needing to be in a wheelchair, and will need round the clock assistance from lack of motor control over his muscles.

It's been about 2 or 3 weeks since I last had any contact with him, and then out of the blue, he sent me an e-mail asking me if I wanted to go out with him.

I honestly don't want to go out with him.

And yes, in part because of his condition.

Am I being selfish?

Was he being deceptive for not providing that information from the beginning?

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Answer 1

I agree that you have to look at this from a long haul perspective.

If you went out on a date with him, then it only gets his hopes and expectations up that you are genuinely interested in him.

So in my opinion, it's better to let him down now than later.

I take care of my father, and that's pretty labor intensive, not to mention how much it takes to deal with him emotionally, verbally, and physically.

So I do understand where you are with this.

And if he is persistent, I would let him know that he should have been upfront with his condition and that your choice is not to be involved with him.

Why doesn't he post his ad on a website just for people with handicaps?  

Answer 2

I think that you should leave him alone. If you know you can not handle such conditions, then you are best to break it off clean, and leave it be. He has the condition, so I am sure he is aware of how people look at him and if they could maintain a relationship. There are variances in the amount of damage so to speak a disease can wreak on people. If he has a very minor case, it may never be a serious problem. Walk away and save the heart break you might cause later down the line.

Answer 3

Anytime, we meet someone on the internet, we are taking a chance. Anyone can pose as anyone on here. He may have cerebal palsy and may not.

Yes, i think he should have been upfront with you from the beginning. No, your not being selfish at all hun, dont even think that for a moment, its your life, and you know what you want out of life.

If I were you, I would delete him, and go on, with no more contact. Or i would tell him that you just want to be friends...and chat once in awhile.

Ive heard of people pulling pranks online like this also...and making people feel bad for them.

I would just cut all ties, and go on with my life...dont feel bad.

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

That's a tough call.  I'd say that since you guys had a good conversation on-line then there is some connection.  Most people don't get married on the first date so you don't have to worry about committing to him and ultimately caring for his well being in the long run.  There are also people out there with CP who live normal lives.  I'm not saying tat you have to live with a guy who has it I'm just saying that you might want to open your eyes a little more.

On a side note, I don't have CP or any other ailment aside from my immaturity.  I am 35 with a maturity level half my age.  I guess what I'm trying to say is will you ugo out with me next weekend?

Answer 5

Just because he has this condition does not oblige you to feel sorry for him and base a relationship on sympathy.  

Answer 6

No i don't think he was being deceptive but maybe worried/scared of your reaction. He did tell you to go to his website where you would obviously find the info. maybe he wanted you toget to know him first. but if you don't want to go out then don't  

Answer 7

Don't be so judgmental...If you've developed a friendship, nobody says that you have to take it any further if you don't want to be "stuck" with a man with a disability.  Just remember, people are placed in our lives to teach us lessons.  I feel sorry for you that you haven't figured it out yet!  Better luck next time around!

Answer 8

If you don't want to go out with him, then you don't have to.

He probably didn't put it on his website or talk to you about it because he wanted to meet and get to know people without it being a factor, but if you are considering a long-term relationship with him (or even a relationship that could develop into something long-term) then it certainly is relevant.

It doesn't make you selfish. Letting go now is better than getting into a relationship then leaving when he becomes sicker.

Answer 9

If you like him.........be with him.........you never know how God's miracles work........