How much longer should I wait for my boyfriend to propose?

Question

Now ladies and gentleman, I am a 26 year old, rather intelligent, not too too shabby looking girl with enough charisma to fill a tank at Sea World, I'm not saying I am a catch but I am important to me and I don't want to waste my time and my (laugh it's okay), child bearing years waiting for a guy who may never be ready, so here's the deal. I was engaged for 6 years, and during which became great friends with my current boyfriend. When things fizzled in my last relationship that I always knew deep down wasn't going to work, me and my current boyfriend started dating a short time after. Instantaneously I knew he was the one, it hit me like a brick wall hits a car at 90 mph. I thought it hit him too, we said I love you days after we started dating and it was so surreal and romantic I could hardly think otherwise. Now 2 years later, after all of our talks where I expressed how important marriage and children were to me,... here I am, still single, still waiting. It feels horrible to feel like you are begging someone to love you, to want you as much as you want them. He says the only thing standing in our way are financial "things". I have explained money should never get in the way of love, and I feel no matter what it was we could get passed it, but he stands firm. How much longer do I wait, because this seems like a convenient excuse to bypass his true feelings of fear that I may not be the one? I would really love to hear from some men as well, I appreciate all of your answers. Thank you.

Answer 1

You just need to ask yourself this - do you want to marry someone who isn't "the one" or do you want to wait until the person you know is "the one" is ready to take that step?

It would be a shame for you to leave this relationship knowing he is the one, but settling with someone else because they are willing to get married and have children - in the end that isn't fair to either person.

I know that it is hard because you don't want to wait - but other than the fact that he hasn't asked you to marry him does he show his love for you? Does he treat you right?

Give him a little more time. You never know - maybe he is trying to surprise you! Stop bringing it up for the time being, as hard as it may be, and let things just happen. It's hard to wait - but it will be worth it in the end to be with the one you are truly meant to be with.  

Answer 2

As intelligent as you think you are, your boyfriend is right. It's very naive of you to think that money is not a big issue. It is indeed an issue that has been at the root of many divorces. Do you have money? Do you have a career? By now, you should have begun saving towards your retirement. It sounds like you are in love with the idea of love. You are only 26, and already you've had a 6 year relationship, plus a 2 year relationship. That means you were a teenager with the first one? Anyway, believe me when I say that your indifference to money is something that is on his mind. Since making money or saving money is important to him and it's not important to you, he may realize that you are not the kind of woman he wants to marry. You should be on the same page when it comes to money.

Answer 3

At two years of dating, you are right on the cusp -- time to talk with him very seriously about this now. Don't give an ultimatum, but if he's your age or older he should know what he wants, and if YOU are the one he wants.

The money thing is really just an excuse, it's not a reason, and sometimes guys use it as a delaying tactic -- so just find out if this is the case with him or not.

If you truly think it is, and he's not ready to commit - either to you or anyone in general, then you two may love one another, but are not a match for marriage.

TALK to the dude, and good luck!

My husband and I knew each other a year (I was dating someone else), then dated for two before we got married - I was 28.

Answer 4

At 26 and after 2 years, I wouldn't be waiting. A great initial chemistry is not at all a predictor or a guarantee that you are compatible with the person long-term. Not everyone you feel infatuated with is "the one" to marry and have children with. It seems that, chemistry notwithstanding, you and your b/f have different relationship goals - at least right now. Whether you wait around or keep looking is a decision you need to make for yourself, as no one but you can judge the internal dynamics of your relationship. I would guess that your gut feeling is telling you that you might be waiting for a very long time. Is this something you are prepared to do?

Answer 5

I dated my husband 6 years before we got married.

Answer 6

Coming from a man, it sounds like marriage and children are more important to you than who your partner is.

Love really doesn't conquer all problems, you watch too many movies. Or too few.

You're only 26, you've got LOTS of "child-bearing" years ahead of you. Calm the **** down.

You ARE saying you're a catch and you seem to think quite highly of yourself, wondering what could be possibly wrong with you that your boyfriend hasn't proposed after 2 years. Honestly, I don't know, but there are any number of legitimate reasons. Finances is a huge one.

Answer 7

I wouldn't wait forever. I understand your predicament; I am also 26, and felt the same thing myself a few years ago (I know...)

Reassure him that financial things don't matter and that you don't expect him to support you. My now husband was afraid to marry me because he was a broke student with little cash. Five years later, he finally has a job, but probably still wouldn't be married to me because his older sister isn't married yet (he kept telling me he wanted to wait until she married--and she still isn't married) and his mother still hates me (another of his excuses--that it would be better for us to wait until she learned to love me--yeah, right). There are always excuses--and excuses breed excuses, but if you're willing to dispose of some of the bling, you can probably get him to agree to marry. I think that when guys claim it's about "finances" really they're afraid of the expense and responsibility of "supporting" you in a 1950's Lucy-Desi sort of way. They have to be told that you don't need to be financially supported for the rest of your days.  

Answer 8

Well, if I've got this straight, you were engaged from age 18 to age 24 to the first guy. Right?

And now you want to get engaged again? Honey, 26 is not old. You have plenty of time to have kids. And your boyfriend is smart to want to wait until your finances are both in order ... love alone can't solve problems. Money is one of the leading causes of divorce, so it's better to wait until you're financially ready to get married, instead of being unprepared financially but get married anyway because you think "love will get us through it!" Um, no, love will NOT always get you past your problems. Love is real-life, not a fairy tale.

If you feel like you've been waiting too long, and your boyfriend is dragging his feet or just making b.s. excuses not to marry you ... then by all means break it off with him and find someone else and start from square one. From the way you said that you want him to love you and want you as much as you want him, it sounds like you feel that he doesn't care for you as much as he should. And it's an AWFUL idea to stay in this kind of relationship simply because you think you're getting older and should get married soon.

But if you're in a good relationship and want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, then you need to wait until he's ready. Just like if he proposed when you weren't ready, you'd want him to respect you enough to wait until you WERE ready, right? Any smart adult would not agree to get married if they knew that there were factors in their life (like the financial "things," for example) that could put a strain on their marriage.  

Answer 9

Well, does he sound sincere about the money issues or is he using it as  an obvious excuse. You probably know this. 2 years isn't a long time. I've known people who weren't engaged until 3 to 5 years into it. You are only 26, which isn't old by any means. You still have time. I would wait another year or so. If you pressure him he'll do it but he'll resent you for it. Let it happen on his own time.

Answer 10

just ask him.. ask if he can see having a future with you. If he says yes then let him know your ready for the next step and tell him money doenst matter to you.

If he says he cant see any future.. well you have your answer.

Answer 11

what specifically are the things?   if he says he wants 100 grand in the bank before he marries that is a goal both of you can work towards. if he is just throwing out lame excuses because he doesnt really want to settle down and feels this is the only way to get you to 'shut up"  then you are in familiar territory.  you are spunky and you crack me up, you are delightful  and write well and certainly know what you want  and to a guy that may be a bit .........pushy.  

  if he is just giving you vague, silly excuses for not taking a relationship to a new level after two years, well, you would know.  are both of you working toward these goals or are these his goals and he never ever seems to be interested in achieving them, convenient for his freedom but not so good for you and your goals.  maybe your goals and his are not the same.  just because you are good at expressing yours doesnt mean he  is not good at ignoring them and giving you lame excuses as to why they are not his goals.  

take a breath and see him less and develop other interests.  you heard me i mean it.  read a book, why men marry some women and not others, by john molloy.  the bible for girls who want to be engaged.  also read the rules and he's just not that into you.