How much money should we expect to receive at wedding

Question

Ok we are not *expecting* any money..I just wanted to get your attention.

In-Laws offered to pay for all of the 115 guests they invited. Now that they found out we wont marry in their Church they are refusing to come or to pay for their guests.

The reason why I am asking about how much money a bride and groom might receive is because my fiance and I can't cover those extra costs easily. We will most likely have to get a loan out. So is it possible that we might get a good proportion of the loan money back so we can pay it off straight away?

We have stuck to our budget but now this has happend

In-Laws have told us never to talk to them ever again and they are refusing to take our calls.

All up the total guest list is just short of 200.

We even had to get a bigger more expensive venue so they could fit their guests too by the way.

Here is an old Q of mine to give you an idea of what's going on and why we wont marry in their church. And this reason is still not good enough for the in-laws..

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsikWxdPGyMSXLZF0f4vOrLh5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20080525224853AAMkdpf

Answer 1

Its your wedding not their wedding. I think they are being very selfish and petty. I wouldn't even want people attending my wedding if I don't even know them. I would want to celebrate the occasion with the people I love most. I would go over to the inlaws house if they won't take your calls and politely tell them that if they don't get over it, then THEY can call and uninvite THEIR guests (which would be embarrassing for them). If they still don't come to the party, cross their friends off your guest list and have someone on the door at your reception. That person can make sure that whoever was uninvited is not on the list. You won't have to deal with it as you'll be busy. Then you won't look like the bad guy (maybe to the inlaws but f*****k em) and you also won't have to pay for them to be there. I bet though when you tell them to uninvite their guests that they would rather deal with it than have to deal with the embarrassment of calling everyone and explaining why they can't come. Hope this helps. Best of luck.

Answer 2

we had 180 guests. we got some gifts off of our registry, then for money we got about $4,000

Answer 3

Yes, don't expect a thing.

However, sounds like you and your fiance need to drastically change plans and only have the kind of wedding the two of you can afford. Just re-tool and downsize everything.

Answer 4

Surely its about you and your partner, not the in-laws... That would make me go and get hitched on a beach somewhere by an opposing religious figure to the mythology they support. Casually mention to them that religion is just a trivial contest to see who has the coolest imaginary friend, so its no big deal whether they come or not.

Answer 5

Question:

When is your wedding?

Is it a Black tie wedding, Catered wedding?

If it is still far ahead of time and the 115 guests have not been sent out an invitation, then it's a good time to cut them off the list. As long as they don't know, it's not going to hurt them. But if they do, just explain that you have a budget that you have to follow. After all, it is a wedding between you and your fiance. You guys should be able to decide how to have your wedding, not let it be dictated by your in-laws.

Good Luck!

I don't believe that you'll get a returns on your money, depending on what you had registered for. My husband and I had a budget of 25k, and we only got a 10k return on it, so I'm not sure about your situation or how your family and in laws will do with presents.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

First of all congrats on your wedding. Amazing thing I have been in the same situation as you have. This was my story

My husband is catholic and I am just christian (dont really belong to a church as such). We went to the church to organize our wedding dates etc. Now the priest would not marry us as we have been living together before marriage (a sin in the catholic church). I have been baptised as a catholic and so forth when I was yonger so that was not the problem. My in laws were starting to intervene with the whole planning of my wedding, saying, or you have to get married in this church or it is sin! We argued constantly saying that this is our wedding and our day! They never offered to pay for it, nor did I expect them, although my dad offered to pay for it, as we did not have the money at the time. My husband and I discussed how much we would get back. (mind you we only had about 30 people at our wedding) we got back about $2000 aussie dollars, which was only half of what the wedding cost my dad.

So to answer your question. People will only give about $100 per family. The only thing you could do, is request for only money or have a wishing well at your reception so that it does not seem to awkward. Guests most of the time understand that money is far more better than just a material gift.

I know exactly how you feel with your inlaws. On a lighter note, once my husband and I were married, they got over it (and they are very strict catholics let me tell you!!!) They will see the happiness in your husband's and your eyes that they will not care how you got married. I hope my story helps you out a bit in comfort knowing your not alone in this kind of situation. All the best and good luck!

xo  

Answer 7

may sound rude but I would go over the in laws list and uninvite anyone I don't know.  And I would explain to them you were invited by them and now they won't pay for you so you can't come because I can't afford to have you there.  

Answer 8

You don't have to rationalize why you don't want to get married in a certain church.  It's your wedding, your decision.  

If your in-laws don't like it, they dont' have to come.

You can always uninvite their guests.... i would..

Answer 9

YIKES! I definitely would do premarriage counseling because this is not going to go away... once you get married it will be what faith will you raise your children in etc... I have a MIL from h**l and you are marrying that whole family... hopefully things will work out for you both but I would be very careful about uninviting anyone and I would still invite them... My bridesmaids all had orders to shoot to kill and both sets of parents were told if they did anything to ruin our wedding day they would be disowned. I am talking the Hatfields and the McCoy type wedding... for years our parents didn't have any contact and then we had a baby and well for years everything was at least tolerated because of the baby... well more drama and MIL pitched a fit and my parents won't come anywhere where they think my In law's will be.  Trust me in law's can cause a lot of problems... I would proceed very cautiously... Good Luck!  

Answer 10

what a mess!! and what a horrible, immature thing for your in-laws to do. they will regret their behavior later on trust me.

for now, if you have not sent out invitations-then go down the list and make sure to cross off the people your in-laws insisted be there. if you have sent out the invites, type up a letter (you can google a sample one) stating that you regret your decision, however due to unexpected financial hardship, you're going to have to scale back the guest list and have decided to have a close, intimate celebration with immediate family only. have a return postcard in the envelope that the people can mail back to you (with a box next to a sentence that states they've received the un-invite) so you know they've received it and won't be coming.

go to the venue (if you have time still) and explain the situation. they might be willing to either let you out of the contract or can at least reduce their cost or even set you up on a payment plan if that is necessary.

but the first thing I would do is go to your in-laws home with your fiance and have a sit down talk with them like adults. Explain to them that you were willing to go along with the church idea until the priest took away too much of you being able to be "you" at your own wedding!! what bride wants to get married not using her real name?!! point out to your in-laws how unhappy they would be if you for example were loaned their credit card to make purchases they agreed to let you make. but something happened and your in-laws upset you so you now refuse to pay for what you purchased and let them stuck paying the credit card bill. ask them how that would make them feel-tell them they did the same thing to their own son by making your wedding twice as big as planned and leaving you scrambling to come up with the money. point out that it's no way to start married life already in debt b/c his parents aren't sticking to what they agreed to and not being adults. tell them you have the right to have YOUR wedding where you want it and how you want it. if they don't come to their senses and agree to help you then tell them you're going to have to mail letters to everyone they invited (which i'm sure are friends and some family) and explain exactly what happned-that b/c you want your wedding your way, they've decided not to help you pay for a wedding you now can't afford so people will have to be un-invited. I'm sure you're mother in law won't have you embarrasing her and that simple fact alone will make her help pay.

I wish you luck and congrats on your upcoming wedding!!!

Answer 11

If I were you, I'd cut "their guests" down to a manageable amount that you can afford to pay for yourselves without taking a loan.

Obviously, if these guests were important to your fiance they would be on the groom's list not his parents so it really wouldn't matter if you cut them all out to keep costs down.

Good Luck.

Answer 12

I don't know if you sent out the invitations yet, however, if you haven't, figure out who you guys want to invite to the wedding.  Then send out the invitations accordingly.  This is your wedding, you and your fiance should be the one to invite who should be coming to your wedding, not your in-laws.  Hopefully, you haven't put a down payment for the more expensive venue, go with what you guys wanted to go with, make it so it works for you both.

Hopefully, you guys can stay in your budget, remember you are marrying your fiance, not your in-laws, even though they may make you feel horrible from time to time, listen to your gut, make it the way you guys want it.  It is your day.

Good luck and congratulations.  

Answer 13

Uninvite the guests. Do you know them? So who cares what they think!

Answer 14

s***w the in laws is it them getting married or you two I really couldn't tell you how much you will get but you could always take back the gift's and exchange them for money or you two could cancel the invitation's and say your sorry but that you two decided to go to vegas and do a quick marriage.

And also send the in laws a letter telling them to not contact you ever and to go FTS .

Answer 15

Sorry, but if you can't afford the extra guests then you need to cut your guest list!

You can count on receiving absolutely nothing from a wedding.  It is never a good idea to go into debt over a wedding.

If your in-laws are that narrow minded do you even think their guests will show up?

Answer 16

You cant rely on a certain dollar amount.  Most gifts can be given in gift cards and material gifts.  

Answer 17

don't get in debt to have a stressful party for other people! go get married at the court house and save your money for something better. if you have this much issues just at the wedding whats going to go on during the marriage?

big drama weddings are such a waste of money and sanity!

oh yeah, and you shouldn't expect to get any money at a wedding. you normally get things like blenders and dishes...