How much more can we take?

Question

Trial of Sight

Part Seven

She slips back into a dream…

~A step and a skip through the wood

back to where she calls home

Mother waits with supper ready

Dad waits beneath the Earth and Stone

With her house in sight

something calls from the shade

Red eyes and fanged smile

dead stare and hungry lips

Monsters in the shadow of twilight

she will not be to super on time~

-Again, the “~” is to show that it is a dream… just wanted to make that clear. What do you think of this one? I found it the most fun of them all so far…

Blessed Be in getting to supper on time, and Love and Light, Siren

Answer 1

I need to catch up with the other chapters, I like how it sounds--The red eyes reminded me of "the nothing" from Neverending story--

I will go catch up now since it seems no one I know or have heard of besides you is around

Answer 2

This is very imaginative, like a fairy tale within the larger story.  The dream is a frightening one, and "monsters in the shadow of twilight" have plagued the dark dreams of most people.  Now I am left wondering what this all means. I will be waiting to find out.  Wonderful story, Siren.  Thank you.

Answer 3

This all feels very Tarantino - Kill Bill Vol 3-12 perhaps

Dark and gripping

Answer 4

It's nice. A couple minor suggestions:

L2: Should it be "woods"

L8-9: Maybe eliminate the "and's" replacing them with commas.

Very strong ending line.

Answer 5

I am beginning to think that this is Little Red Riding Hood.

I interpreted the line "Dad waits beneath the Earth and Stone" to mean that he's dead and buried. This information appears unexpected and heightens the tension of what follows. Not only is she about to be pounced on by The Big Bad Wolf, but the safety of home seems so near, yet unattainable.

Is she going to have superb soup for supper with the super in his Subaru of the suburbs?