How much say does a bride have over her bridesmaids?

Question

My sister is getting married and has been demanding a lot of things from all the bridesmaids. My wife is one of the bridesmaids and she is losing patience with my sister. I am not sure if my sister's actions are normal wedding etiquette and am thinking of confronting her on how inappropriate she has been acting. The following are all that she has demanded:

1) She wants all the girls to have their chests lifted, but she does not like the look of pads or strapless bras, so she is demanding that they all buy expensive corsets.

2) She is requiring them to have their dresses hemmed by her seamstress instead of letting them choose one that is closer to their homes and more affordable.

3) She required them all to buy a black shoe that she picked out even though they all already own black shoes that are similar to this style.

4) She is requiring them to all do their hair the same way.

5) She is having multiple bridal showers and at first told them they did not have to go to all of them, but is now telling them to go to all of them if they are available.

6) She is holding onto all of the dresses and insists on being present when the dress is tailored so she can make sure it suits her standards. This has caused a lot of problems because of conflicting schedules and the distance of her seamstress.

7) She is having a mandatory bridesmaid luncheon and she is not allowing children even though she admitted it would be a huge inconvenience for some of the women.

8) She is insisting that her bachelorette party be the day before her fiance's bachelor party. The problem is that her party is a sleep over and his party starts at 6am so everyone that has kids will have to find someone to watch their kids in the early morning.

9) The wedding starts at 4pm, but she's requiring the bridesmaids and their daughters to have breakfast with her early in the morning and spend the whole day, away from their families, with just her.

So could someone please tell me if this is normal and acceptable behavior for a bride?

Answer 1

I would probably let her get away with numbers 4 and 9.  Everything else seems a bit too much.  And I thought I was being a bridezilla because I wanted everyone to wear the same dress!  I say just deal with it, but if you can't afford any of these things, then I would say something.  It's her day, she just wants everything to be perfect!

Answer 2

d**n is she trying to have a wedding or trying to run a prison she is being way over the top on quit a few things my question is who is paying for all the things she wont's her bridesmaides to have done??

Answer 3

No, not normal at all.  Hate to use the term, but I think your poor wife has a bridezilla on her hands.  

The most that should be expected of a bridesmaid is to buy a dress and show up for the wedding.  Anything extra is nice, but NOT required.  

If this has become really problematic for your wife, she always has the option of gracefully backing out.  And if the bride has a hissy-fit, she'll only confirm the diagnosis...

Answer 4

Put her in her place

Answer 5

Wow, Im getting married this saturday... and I would never treat any of my bridemaids that way... she needs to be more flexible and have a little more faith in all the ladies she has chosen to help with the wedding... I think you should talk to her about it...  

Answer 6

She apparently thinks she is Queen of All. Your sister is what is commonly known as a Bridezilla - controlling, immature and selfish.

Not normal, not acceptable. Poor husband to be....

Answer 7

1) She can ask but she cant force them to buy something.  Find a cheaper one that does the same job.

2) She can ask but again cant force it.  A closer seamstress or a cheaper on as longa s the work is jsut as good.

3) that she can ask since she wants them all in the same

4) that she can do

5) if they are availalbe is fair!  Just dont be avaialable!

6) She cant make them do that and if they paid for the dresses she has no right

7) That is general but it has to work with everyone schedule

8) Not fair!  Especially if there are a lot of kids involved

9) Not fair with kids again.  The getting ready together part is normal but you cant demad it all

For a wedding a bride can insist on attire but cant force anyone to buy anything.  but the bridemaids need to be out spoken when something is too much or cant be done!

Answer 8

very Normal!! have u watched Bridezilla?

Answer 9

Only three of those are normal and even acceptable. 1. Making them spend the day with her and 2. Not allowing kids at shower 3. Making them all wear their hair the same way. The rest is crazy. If you are close to your sister then you need to speak to her directly. Even better would be if your mom or dad could do it. She is acting out of line and needs to be told.  

Answer 10

they have a lot of say, and for some this is normal...but my sister is getting married soon, and ill tell you what doesnt seem..acceptable. I think if you do say something to her, you need to point out:

1-3 shes being a  pain, and needs to chill about some of these,

4 is understandable

5-6 needs to be addressed

8, she needs to understand about the kids, and she's not paying for the party, so she should chill

9 and 7 - I can kinda understand these,.

Answer 11

yeah i agree she is going way OTT.

So long as they look gorgeous on the day and wearing the dress she wants then she should be happy.

There should only be one bridal shower that they all have to attend to (dont the bridesmaids arrange these anyhow?) the hair I can understand needing to be the same but using the same seamstress and buying the same shoes is a bit too much.

#9 sounds about right- its customary to usually spend the evening before the wedding and the day with your bridesmaids.

#8 is very selfish and if she doesnt have kids of her own she wont understand why. unless she was offering to pay at least part of the baby sitter costs then I certainly wouldnt be agreeing to it if I had children.

Answer 12

that's horrible. that's little bit too much making it all about herself. 3, 7 and 8 don't seem too extreme but the rest does.

Answer 13

A little, she is asking for too much even if it is her wedding!

I'm sorry to tell you, but if it was me ya sis would have out cussed right after number 1.

Ppl don't have time to be runnin around like tht, if she haven't noticed Gas Prices are too high for all that run around s**z.

But I guess its her special day.....NOT week......d**n it sucks huh?!

Answer 14

oh god that makes me sound like an angel, ive paid for all my bridesmaids atire they didnt have to do a thing but get measured. they are there for support not to feel like they are hopeless because they dont meet your standards.. i think you need to have a talk to her but goodluck x

Answer 15

Wow..I could have bossed my sister around half as much as this?

your wife and you need to sit down with your sister and tell her what you are and are not doing. Would she be hurt if she was "fired " as a bridesmaid? If I was fired from this wedding I'd call it a blessing. Do what you feel is right and tell your sister to stop being such a Narcissus.

Answer 16

1,2,6,7,8 are all out of the question. every bridesmaid knows there is going to be some expense BUT not everyone is on the same budget... i would be furious if i could hold on to the dress i BOUGHT and have it hemmed where i WANTED!. thats crazy & rude. inconviencing people with kids....she just doesnt get it & will feel bad when she has her own.

hair, shoes that same way is normal. day with the bride, normal...but if you ask me i wouldnt want to be w/her all day! having more than one bridal shower is retarted...but my cousin had five & i attended 3. soooo as long as the bridesmaids are already able to make it, i dont think thats out of the questiom.

you as the brother & husband need to tell your sister that some of the things are unreasonable & she needs to lighten up unless she wants everyone hating her on her wedding day!