How much seeing my ex is too much?

Question

My ex and I have a 6yo boy with 50/50 custody. We live close by and the last 18 months since divorce has been tense. Now, she is being very friendly to me, inviting me over for cups of tea and playtime with our son. She has been in a relationship all this time with a much older man who lives 1000 km away. As far as I know, she still is. I am concerned that our son will wonder why we can be together for these short times and not all the time. I'm starting to wonder the same thing. It's like the boundaries are blurring, which will get confusing for us. She might think that she can have me over for 'family time' but keep me away when she wants boyfriend time. THis is not what I want to part of. We are either amicably separated or working at putting our family back together. Until she indicates otherwise, I think I should set a clear boundary. Any views most welcome.

Answer 1

It is healthy for your son to see you two together and under friendly terms. It will not hurt your son to see you tow together even though you are not married anymore because married or not - to him you two will always be his parents!

She should have you over for family time with your son and you should be kept seperate from her time with her boyfriend and family! There is a line and it seems like she is adhering to it -  you just may be caught off guard because in my eyes she is being adult about the whole situation and trying to keep things civil for your son! It is great you two can get together for the sake of your son.

It seems the boundaries are there. But you need to take your son for you and him time together and then once in a while stop in and have some tea with the ex to talk about your son and how he is doing. Right now you two shouldn't be speaking about much else except your son! Do not make yourself available to her and just keep that civil relationship with being able to be amicable in front of your son but don't meet her for dinner and such!

Good luck.

Answer 2

Maybe she's trying to test the waters for reconciliation.

Why don't you ask her?