How much should children's desire to be constantly observed be catered to?

Question

Should a four year old who wants to show adults every tiny mark she makes on a paper be indulged, or should the adult say, "Wait until you are done and then show me"?

Should a child who does some very minor thing such as hold up a hand or place an object on her head be given attention? If so, what should the adult say? "Wow, you can hold up your hand!"?

I would love to be able to be in the same room with the children in my life, sometimes playing a game and sometimes just coexisting peacefully, with the child playing or looking at books and me relaxing or doing an adult activity. Why must there be a constant barrage of "Look at this!", and what should my reaction be?

(I write this as someone who spends a great deal of time with relatives' children, but I plan to have my own kids one day and will want an answer then, too.)

Answer 1

i HATE that!my mom does daycare and i just ignore the kids.or i just tell them something like-please be quiet and finish your project and then you can show me!

hope this helps!

Answer 2

Great question! I think, "wait until you're done and then show me," is a great response. I think a child doing a very minor thing they can easily do should not be given attention and undeserved praise for it. That's how children become teens and adults with a nasty sense of entitlement who can't keep a job because someone is not always praising them so they get upset.

One thing that can make the "see-me"s die down is to actually do something with the child -- play a game like Chutes and Ladders that may only last 10-15 minutes, especially if you let them win. Or if you can, go outside for that amount of time and play catch or some other outdoor game to hopefully wear them out. Then say you want to read a book or do your Sudoko or something for a while and they should play with toys or draw a picture or something and you'll play again tomorrow.

And when you do that, don't give in to any whining and if they start up saying, "Watch me," react as little as possible or tell them to let you see the picture when it is finished.

Especially for something very trivial like raising up their hand or placing an object on their head, if you say anything, you can say, "That's something you've been able to do for a long time and I've seen it before. I'm going to finish my book/Sudoko and then I'll watch you for a few minutes."

The sooner they learn that they are not the center of the world, the better off they'll be.

At four, it is not necessarily indulgent parenting that makes them demand the attention. It was not so long ago that they were babies and people were cooing and exclaiming over them for very trivial actions. Although they don't remember being infants they are making the transition from babyhood to big-kid-hood and need the encouragement to give up the cooing and praise from adults over every little thing and be more self-reliant.

It doesn't happen overnight but will get a lot better by the time they are six or seven.  They will be a lot more fun then, too!