How much to spend on nieces/nephews when they have 4 kids and we have 1?

Question

My sister in law is notoriously cheap and usually gives a $15-$20 gift to my son. Now not that amount is cheap but we have one child and they have 4. We usually spend about $20 per child but I find that since we have more to buy for that she could spend a tad more on what she buys for our son. I guess what bothers me is I'm a stay at home mom who lives a modest lifestyle and they are very very well off, I think their house cost $900,000 so these people don't hurt for money. This is just her, maybe that's why they have so much. I just don't feel we should keep spending so much when my son gets so little from them.

Answer 1

Umm, IMO, you are acting a bit childish.  What does the cost of a gift have to do with anything and just focusing on it, what is that teaching your son?

I have three kids, my brother and his wife have one.  This last birthday my neice just wanted coloring books and a big box of crayons and that's what we got her.  My brother is spending more then double on my son's birthday .. BECAUSE HE WANTS TO.  So what about what it costs as long as the child enjoys what they get.

Just spend witihin your budget, and stop focusing on every cent being equal between gifts.

Answer 2

Well I guess i am in the minority because I agree with you.  I personally try to make things even, because its fair.  I would definately spend less and buy them different things like a ranger rick or highlights magazine for a year, or a donation in the kids name

Answer 3

I don't blame you for being upset, but I don't think it's worth it. They seem cheap I wouldn't worry about spending a lot on their children and use what you don't spend on your son.

Having cheap relatives sucks! We have one family member who is middle class but buys all the kids gifts from the dollar store and second hand clothes stores. It's annoying, but we love them and just put up with it.

Answer 4

You my dear are shallow. You shouldnt base your niece and nephews gifts on how mush their parents spend on your child. How old are you! You should be ashamed of your self! I dont even want to continue my thoughts because this makes me so mad , dont buy them anything if thats the way you feel. I think your the one who is cheap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

I hear you.  If you do not have a close relationship with your neices/nephews then just spend a little less on them.  You can not change the behavior of your sister-in-law with regards to how much she spends on your kids.  It would be rude to bring it up to her, and then you probably won't get anything from her. I have a friend with 4 kids, and I have 2.  She probably spends the same on our kids ($15 each) as I do on them ($15 each or less).  It's just the way it is.  You can't help that you have less kids than her.   If anything, do 1 or 2 baskets of something all the kids can share - a movie basket, art supply basket, outdoor toys basket - that sort of thing.  If your sister-in-law says something about those types of gifts - which would be rude if she did so - then say something like you are trying to save money and thought the kids could enjoy something together.

Answer 6

I feel the same way as you.  I also feel selfish for feeling that way- of course I should not worry about how much they spend on my kids- but I do.  To solve this problem, I try to stock up on birthday/holiday gifts when I see a good sale.  I have a shelf in my closet filled with gifts for all ages, boys and girls.  I can find $25 or $30 toys/games/etc for $8 or less.  Then when it's time to go to a birthday party, I just grab a gender- and age- appropriate gift.  I do not ask the parents for gift ideas for the child ahead of time, and I do not supply a gift receipt (not once has someone requested a gift receipt from me- I guess if they don't like what they got, they can just give it as a gift to someone else).

Answer 7

I think you should spend out of love for your neices and nephews, not for the expectation of your son getting an equal gift.  Why punish those children because (you think) their parents are cheap?  That's not fair to them.

Answer 8

I have never considered this when buying for my nieces or nephews. I buy what we can afford I have never added up who buys for more, and I am also a stay at home mom. And honestly my oldest sister only has 1 child and myself and my other sister have 2 each and my oldest sister gets great gifts for our kids regardless that she is buying for more. Mainly based on the fact she lives in a huge city and is an avid shopper. I collect all year for upcoming birthdays, if we have a book fair and there is a book on dragons I get it for my nephew in April and his birthday is in October. Either way with family it should not be about the money spent but about a gift of love. I myself love being the auntie who gets their favorite gift, even if I have to shop year round.

This sounds really childish if you ask me, that she should spend more on your child because you have one and they have 4.

While it is rude they toss the presents the shyness etc. is probably because they can sense your dislike of their mother or them. Kids are very perceptive. I also have an incredibly shy 7 yr old, I would not pass judgment on a kid for that. You sound like you are not around them much, it takes effort on your part to become close to a child especially a shy one.

I dont mean they toss your present because you do not like their mother, tossing a gift from someone is rude, period. I meant the shyness may be from that.

Well all of what you said is the parents fault. Manners are taught. If someone speaks to my kids and they do not answer I tell them to, same with saying hello and goodbye, they just sound like bad parents. Why dont you just say "I said hello" or something similar in a nice way. I work as an EA and we say "good morning" to all the kids a lot of them just look at us and walk off but some of the EA's say "what do you say when someone says good morning" the kids say "I dont know" they have not been taught these things. Then the next day they usually smile and say good morning back. Sometimes kids jsut need to be told they should respond when someone talks to them. Manners are something that is dying among our children today and it makes me very sad. Even just common courtesy to not do thing like toss a gift are not being taught. I see so much of this everyday at school.

Sorry to edit again but the not signing aunt or uncle is rude I think. My niece just graduated and I still wrote aunt and uncle on her card. They sound quite self centered and their children are following suit.

Answer 9

Well, for what it's worth, here's my 2 cents. Gifts should be given freely from the heart with no conditions or strings attached. One should always be grateful and appreciative regardless of the size of the gift because someone was kind enough to think of you. Just because someone has a lot of money, doesn't mean they have to choose to spend beaucoup bucks on gifts. They should feel free to spend what they are comfortable with and what they feel appropriate. It shouldn't be a contest...they only spent $$ on my child, so I'm only going to spend $$ on theirs.

That said, if you truly feel unappreciated, you have every right to cut back. I have family members like this and so I just send a card now unless I am invited to an actual party and then I set a limit that I am O.K. with and stick with it. Since the kids don't seem to appreciate the gifts you give, maybe consider a gift card in whatever increment you can afford, to one of their favorite stores, but only if you feel so inclined.

Answer 10

Some people are just cheap, I wouldn't stress about it.

Give what you want and what makes your nieces and nephews happy...they don't care about the price tag.

Answer 11

Set up no more than 10 bucks per kid no matter what. they dont appreciate then dont spend so much. Dont drive yourslef nuts over this my aunt was the same way my mother would go out of her way to nice gifts and she would not spend any more than 7 bucks on my sister and i. Eventually she stopped buying for us but still showed to pick up her kids gifts. Needless to say my mother no longer purchases gifts for them either.

My cousins GF is the same way my sister bought her a stroller with a carseat as gift when she had her son. What did my sister get in return 2 bibs a 2 pck of infants pants and i think a pack of wash cloths. So I kinda know what your feeling. Your stuck thinking HELLO what the h**l is this. then you feel guilty for comparing

If she is that well off she needs to stop being cheap because when you die you cannot take your money with. Those kids also sound spoiled rotten.

Answer 12

I would look for gifts on sale for their kids or any kid I was giving a gift to, especially if money is tight.

A lot of times you can find great toys on clearance. By ahead of time when you see sales and clearances and then you are set when their birthdays come.

If they have any girls sometimes you can see cute purses, jewelry, fancy pillows etc on clearance. IAlso for the boys you can get a cool soccer ball, supersoaker, giant frisbee, for not too much.

Bookstores sometimes have great books on clearance.

If you also give the kids Chrilstmas gifts you could get them one family gift, like the game twister that all the kids could play. You could even get something for the family like a food gift with flavored popcorn and other treats.

If you are resenting how much you spend then spend less.

Answer 13

I would just say it is what it is.  What does it matter how many kids they have?  I would spend $20 on a child, whether there are five or just one.  It's not a matter of making things 'equal'.  It's just life.  If you can't afford to spend $20 on each of the four kids, then don't.  Do what you can.  It's not even logical to me to say what you are saying, that cuz you only have one child your SIL should spend $80 on him since you spend that much on her four kids total, for example.  That's ridiculous, no offense.  But I think you are looking at things the wrong way.

Answer 14

I have 5 kids and typically spend more on my nieces and nephews to make up for the fact they are buying for more kids.  That way the totals are similar.  Also, the treat bags are better so they do get more in comparison.

Answer 15

Sometimes being the bigger person is the hardest route to take but you can put your head on the pillow at night knowing that you did the best you could was as nice as possible. Try not to feel resentful over the fact and take a deep breath and realize that giving a gift shouldnt be about money, but instead it should be seeing how happy the children are when they receive that gift from you. Even though she might be cheap, you obviously have a big heart and should just smile and try to let it go. Pick your battles and 20$ might not be worth it.

Answer 16

I have the same situation and just buy what I think my nephews will like and don't worry about it.  I do understand your point of view though.