How much work does this poem need? It's short, please read!?

Question

Thoughts of an Individual by Maria

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Individuals.....

with induvidual stories

and individual lives.

Each soul.....

Each life has depth.

Arrogance.

Egotistical.......

Why?

You are not the only individual, with a story, and with a life.

You get up.

He gets up.

You work.

He works.

You suffer.

He, also suffers.

You are not the only individual....

Therefore, you should value life.

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Calling to all Pro-War, Politicians, Racist People, and and basical all selfish people!!!

I am very upset that you don`t value life but you value riches.

Answer 1

I love it needs little work thought. I'am a critc so contact me if you want.

Answer 2

You write about a profound truth.  It seems a very emotional approach to this truth—there is the great emotional power of conviction in your words.  I appreciate that you are willing to share your thoughts.  Thank you.

Answer 3

Love the concept! In fact, i've written about this subject before, too. Maybe a little more development, but the meaning comes across quite well I think.

Answer 4

I like it, but it doesnt flow.

I think it seems to have too much structure. Structure is great for some poems, this just doesnt seem to be one of them. I am not totally sure what you should do to correct this, but I am telling you what I think is the problem. Other than that, the message is great. =]

Answer mine please

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