How much would you let a two year old get away with?

Question

I got together with my friend and her daughter and then my two nieces who one is 2. The 2 year old doesn't really get disciplined at home so she kicks, screams, punches, spits, etc.

We were at the park and I noticed my 2 year old niece screaming and trying to hit her sister, and then she went and hit under the jungle gym. So I walk over and explain very firmly to her that she is not to yell and to stop the bad behavior and then my friend was like "Why are you doing that she is fine?" And I said "She was screaming at her sister and being a brat" and my friend was like "Well, she is only two" basically saying it's OK for her to do that...

Was I in the wrong? (Her daughter is very badly behaved by the way and disrespectful, she is only 4).

Answer 1

My daughter went through that phase and I was very firm with her. There are many, many ways a child like that can be diciplined. One way is take her and hold her firmly and look directly into her eyes and say "no, I will not allow you to (hit, scream, punch,  kick, spit)" Hold her firmly until she stops. You can  also remove her from the park as soon as she starts and say she isn't going to be allowed to play anymore if she acts like that, you are going home immediately and she is going to get a nap, end of story. Time outs  and spankings (not out of anger or frustration, but out of firm guidence) are other solutions.

2 year olds sometimes loose control of themselves and their developing emotions, but it is the parents job to teach the child how to control his or her anger and behavior. Parents who think that this is just a passing phase are sorely mistaken, because the child MUST learn the negative consequences of their actions before they can pass this phase and the older they get, the harder it gets. It is just the way it is.

Answer 2

No you're not wrong...keep it up and hopefully it will rub off on the parents.  Quite frankly, it's not ok to scream and hit people at any age!!

Answer 3

You were right to correct her.  Sometimes it is hard to let your friend correct your child, but it needs to be corrected.  Believe it or not, but what you let them get away with at age 2 will only let them know that it is okay at age 22.  Stop the bad behavior and NEVER let it be okay for her to act or to actually hit another person.

Answer 4

Well, first of all, your friend was in the wrong for saying anything when you were repremanding your niece.  It's not her place and that was pretty brazen on her part if you ask me.

Second, no, a two year old should not be allowed to yell and scream and kick.  They are prefectly aware that these behaviors are unacceptable if that is what they're parents or caregivers have told them.  

You were right, just blow her off.

Answer 5

you are right, when my 2 yr old son starts screaming and hitting, he gets a warning, then if he does it again, we leave wherever we are at. and he has learned that when i tell him that if he does it again, we are going to go home, he stops. at home when he does it, he gets put in timeout. and if he wants to sit there and scream, i let him. but he can't get out till his 2 min are up, or until he stops screaming, whichever is longer.

Answer 6

No.  A Child is never too y oung to learn to be responsible for their actions.  The age to start is when they begin to understand language.  Your friend is in for some big problems.

Answer 7

No more than a three-,four- or five-year-old etc. which she will have to do at some point - it is far better to start teaching children early what behaviour is acceptable and then constantly reinforce it as they get older not leave it until it is too late.

Answer 8

No you were not in the wrong. She is 2 and old enough to know better. i would of done the same thing.

Answer 9

You are right.

Answer 10

She needs consistent discipline!!! I have worked with infants and toddlers for over 22 years and I start discipline at birth. Of course you are not spanking and yelling, but it is more subtle. Like a 6 month old screaming every time they get into their car seat, pick them up look at them in the face and say no, you do not need to scream and I you are going into your car seat. Start at a young age teaching them the word NO is is fine. I have taken 4 children ages 6 months to 5 years to an all day fair. The fair is over an hour away and starting out in the car the 6 month old started screaming, I do not try to pacify crying when nothing is wrong, it is a way to get what they want (their pacifier, their toy, picked up, etc...). Not only myself, but the children will say the same thing when a child is screaming, we say their name and then say "No you need to stop sreaming, you are fine." Within 10 minutes of the ride, the 6 month old got tired of hearing us and calmed down and did not whine, scream, cry, etc... the rest of the 50 minute ride. Coming home she began when I went to put her in the car, I picked her out (while in seat) and told her No, and repeated that she was fine and I didn't want to hear anymore. That was the last day that she screamed in my car for rides. On the other hand she is now 16 months old and her mom just started telling her no for screaming in the car 2 months ago, guess what she has now stopped the screaming for her parents also, because they started telling her no. By 2 I rarely have to discipline the children, and in 22 years I have rarely had to deal with a tantrum. They are disciplined immediately for things like that and they don't last long.

Answer 11

I believe you are right.  it starts at a young age, what ever adults make "acceptable" is what they think they can do, what they think is right.  If you allow bad behavior at this age, they will continually get worse as they age.  Good for you and she is not even your baby!

Answer 12

You were right.  What's going to be her excuse when they're 10?

Answer 13

I would have done the same thing.  I actually do with my niece, she just turned four.  She thinks she is a princess and every thing is for her and the world revolves around her.  

Now, I don't tell her mother how to raise her, but if she is in my house or in my care, she has to follow my rules!

Good Job!!

Answer 14

I cannot STAND when  parent  allow their kids to act like that and then excuse it by saying, "She's only two" (or three or four or any age!).  Don't these people realize that even a baby can be taught to be good?  We should teach our children from very early that they are expected to control their behavior.    Eventually the kids will have to go to school or extracurricular activities and the teacher won't be happy about having an un-disciplined brat for a student. It isn't fair to the kids when parents allow their children to throw temper tantrums and scream and yell when they are angry.  That doesn't teach them how to deal with their anger and frustration in any good way.  What do these parents expect?  That when their child is 10, 11 or 12 that he/she will all of a sudden listen to mom when they say "Okay, I know I let you act like a brat for all these years, but now it's time to stop"?  Really, people, teach the children when they are young and then they will be well behaved,happy little guys that other people like to be around.  

I think sometimes these parents fail to realize that they're the only ones who think their children are great.

Answer 15

Some parents see nothing wrong with their children acting bad, they blame it on the age and do nothing. Thats why her 4 year old is so disrespectful and misbehaves all the time. So received no discipline at all. There isn't much you can do when it comes to other parents and the way they parent. It is very annoying, especially when you are their friend, you want to hang out with them, but then again, you are worried about the negative influence their children will have on yours b/c of their behavior. If you are really close, maybe you could mention something like, "I saw a special on discipline and when was the right time to start.....", and go from there. Some parents get very defensive if you start talking about the way they parent, it brings up the faults in them, that they know are there but try and ignore.

You weren't in the wrong, don't worry.

Answer 16

You were not wrong.  Hitting, kicking, and spitting should be dealt with firmly.  Time outs sitting with the grown ups while the others play is good.  If the behavior continues then you have to go home.  Compensate the other child later for her good behavior.  Outside screaming should be tolerated as long as it is not cursing.

Answer 17

no two year olds are not babies, they know what they are doing. ive been telling my daughter sinse she turned 1 no to throw fits or hit and to share her things.they understand just fine and the more u let them get away with the more bad behavior ull get. u deffenatly did the correct thing. she is not too young to understand and she needs to be taught! dont listen to ur friend, she oviously needs to put some disapline in her own daughters life.- good job auntie!