How often do you think adult children should visit their aged parents?

Question

I ask because an elderly relative lives with me, and her children visit very rarely despite living nearby. I'm finding it very surprising.

They seem to think that because she is well cared for they dont need to do anything, but i am thinking about having a serious chat with them!

Answer 1

One cannot make anybody, DO anything.  If these adult children choose to ignore their mother, then there is nothing one can do about it.  It is their loss, and of course the mothers hurt and loss.  The best one can do is try and make up for the choices these children are making.  Make sure that this lady has OTHER visitors, if you can.  Visit her often yourself and let her know that there is someone, who cares about her.

One day they too will be elderly and in my 77 years I have seen the following come true, many, many times.,

What you send out you get back.

I am so glad that I am not in a situation like this poor lady.  If you want to have a talk with her children, do it in the most positive and loving way that you can.  Two wrongs do not make a right, and if they have their mind set on the way that they are doing things, the only thing you can do is be an example of love and caring, hoping that they may catch on.

Answer 2

if you are feeling guilty it's time for a visit..were they good parents?  Do you love them?  Did they teach you to tie your shoes?  bake your birthday cakes?  Put bandaids on your boo boos? Hold your head while you throw up?  Watch you go to school the first day? all the things we do for our children i think a visit with a joyful heart would be nice.  the elderly have something in common with children..they miss their parents and they wish someone would love them and make them feel wanted. But they are adults they won't beg. Depends on how much compassion you have.. Good Luck with this. my son is in the navy in ct.  if i see him once a year and my grandsons i am blessed.  Grandchildren are only close when they are young as soon as they label you old or "not with the times"  then you are lucky if they spend time with you on holidays. So what do you say?  Fifteen twenty minutes?  i know if my kids were setting clocks behind my back i would tell them to email me..But thats just me.

Answer 3

I think they need to stay in contact with them as much as possible. Whether it is a phone call, going to them to visit in person, email a letter or any way that they can stay in contact and as often as they can. You never know when that parent won't been around any more.

I called my mom every day no matter what. I would go to see them on the weekend and even sometimes spend the night with them. My own parents came to visit me a lot when dad was still able to drive. They were even taking care of my grandma (mom's mother), they would bring her to my house for dinners or just to visit. Then one day she got sick and passed away Dec. 8, 2004. Then Jan. 2, 2005 my only brother passed away. At his funeral, my mom had a stroke and was left partly paralyzed on the left side. As time went on and both of my parents health started failing them worse, I made the decision to move back home with them and become their care giver.

I hate the word ''burden'', I hope that I was not a burden to my parents when I was growing up. My parents were not and never have been a ''burden'' to me. I know that one of these days I won't have either one of them around any more and I want to cherish what time that I have left with them. I am not saying that it has been a bed of roses being their care giver, we have had our good times and our bad times.

So if an adult child can be there for the aging parents, do so as you never know when they won't be around any more. Once they are gone it is then to late, at that point you will just be saying if only I had... or I wish that I had.....

Answer 4

Wow?!  If the children love their parent(s), they should want to stay in touch everyday.  I can't imagine not visiting or talking with my mom if she did not live with me.  I guess we are just a close family.  We take care of each other.

Answer 5

As often as they want to.

My daughters and I have no set visiting times, I seem to visit

them more, but they ring me at least twice a week to "check in"

I wouldn't want to be visited by them because they thought it was

their "duty" they can come anytime they find it a pleasure to do so.

When I am very old and ill I will go into a home of my choice, I am

determined not to be a burden to them.

Answer 6

As often as possible.

Answer 7

As often as humanly possible. I'd give my right arm to be able to see my parents again.

Answer 8

It depends. How often did they visit each other before they were aged?

If parents are active, in  good health, live independently and have socialization they dont need anyone to check on them. Some parents live across the country from their children.Some families have always visited weekly or even daily. Some get by with monthly phone calls. Some children have always been close to their parents and others have been estranged. No one answer is correct for everyone.

Answer 9

I have found that it is not only  children, but other family members too . . .

My father, at age 70 , had a very bad stroke 2 months after loosing mom. He could not walk, talk, move his right side, nor swallow. I knew if I put him in a home, he would not last long, so I took him in with me, and my 2 children (5 & 6) . We had him for 6 more years, but during that time, my only sibling saw him 4 times.  Of all the other family members and friends, roughly about 150 people, only 2 ever came to visit !  Their excuse was that he couldn't talk . . .My reply was . . yes, but he sure can listen ! Tell him a joke, and he laughs in the right parts . . .nothing is wrong with his hearing nor his brain ! !   All I can say is it was their loss not his ! !  

Answer 10

You shoud always vist them whenever ur free....its always a good idea to stay close with grandparents, b/c every day there life shortens..and ur's duz too

so its important to stay with family and show them how much u care and lvoe about them!

Answer 11

My elder son lives in London and phones me three times a week, also sends me e-mails.

He also manages to fly up to Scotland for a week-end every eight weeks, and longer if it is a bank holiday.

He is a good son and I am very fortunate in that way, because my younger son is very badly handicapped, and my husband and I look after him ourselves.

Answer 12

not as often as I feel they should

Eldest son is quite good about once a week

  

Answer 13

When they are invited.

Answer 14

I used to try and go see my Mother when she was living with my niece at least once a week.  She lived 40 miles from me.  When they were both living it was about the same and they lived 25 miles away.  

Answer 15

As often as possible. If they are nearby, at least once a week.

Answer 16

Once every two weeks...? depends on how busy they are

Answer 17

As often as they can, but not so much that it feels like a burden. Like maybe once a week, or twice if you can. I go to my grandma's nearly every day.

My grandma loves it when we drop by (on a good day) and

especially if we make dinner for her with lots of vegetables and tell her about current events. And my great aunt, once we dropped by with some corn, she was so happy we even thought of her.

Even the crustiest senior citizen will love their children/grandchildren coming to visit. It shows you care about them, and that you're thinking of them. If your parents/grandparents are having a bad day, and they want you gone (which is often the case with my grandmother) try not to take it personally, and try again another day. Be the bigger person.

(It's hard for me sometimes, I'm only fifteen, so I naturally rub her the wrong way, but I try my best.)

Always call first, before you go over, so that they know you're coming.

And if you can't visit your parents/grandparents very often because you live far away, are working, etc, even a nice, positive phone call from time to time will be so nice. Even when my grandma is in a really bad mood cause her knee is bugging her, and we all want to stay away, we always call anyway, and she's usually good on the phone. We tell her if she needs anything, call, and that we hope she feels better.

Even if they don't show it, your aged parents/grand-parents really do appreciate when you contact them from time to time. Especially if they live alone. Or even if they don't.

Hope this helped. :)

Answer 18

I think maybe I shouldn't answer anymore today.  I think I will get a V soon.  I guess I'm just too tired of dumb people mistreating their seniors.  You are great to want to talk to those people.  If the lady doesn't say she'd love to see them, it's because she's putting them first ,as she probably always has.  We should see our parents as often as we can.  They won't be around for always.Sure maybe they're very busy but i'm sure their parents were very busy raising and giving up their own time for the kids.  This is a very sore spot for me.You are very sweet to care about this lady.  Too bad her own kids don't do it.  Keep us the good work honey.

Answer 19

Both my parents are gone now. I miss them and wish they were still here for visits. My mom lived 12 miles from me in the past, I would go see her often and take her to buy groceries each week as she did not drive. Daddy lived about 80 miles away. I was working with children at home. I would call him several times a week to make sure he was ok. We would visit him on weekends. What I would give to have them back. Go see your parents, let them know you love them and care about. Later on you will be glad you did.   Poppy

Answer 20

there is no set answer -- but i have seen cases where children living across the country visit there parents more often they kids living right down the street  --- i do think kids should not be servants but they should be available for emergencies!!!

Answer 21

I think it would be a good idea if you and the elderly relative invite her children over to your house to share a meal or have tea & cookies or some other easy hospitality.  Does she like to play cards or dominoes?  Maybe watch a football game together and visit?  Since it is your house her children might be feeling a little awkward about barging in to visit their mother just anytime they feel like it.  I'm one of those people who calls first to be sure it is a good time for visiting someone's home.  I even do this with my son, daughter or best friend.  They always say, "You don't have to wait for an invitation." but I've never been comfortable about unexpected visits.  

Please give them a call and invite them over.  Best wishes for a happy outcome.  You are nice to care for your elderly relative.

Answer 22

As often as ~love~ allows...which is immeasurable. If it weren't for our parents, we would still be a twinkle in God's eyes or whatever. ;)

Praise you for taking care of that sweet person! And I'm sorry for the children who don't visit and who don't realize that parents love you still when others don't.

Happy Labor Day!

love ya

{{{hugs}}} <><  

Answer 23

I think it is very sad when they don't visit, one day they will be old and in need of more company themselves.