How often do you think something like this happens?

Question

I'm talking about ladies who intentionally provoke their husbands/boyfriends into hitting them.

Here's where i go the idea- There was an episode of Oprah a few years back that i saw (was watching because an NFL player was on the show) and it started with Oprah saying she's been getting letters from women who want to come clean about something...anyway she transitioned into a taped segment (with these ladies and their husband all sitting around together) and it started. They wanted to admit that they intentionally provoke their men into being violent (the men looked shocked, i don't think they knew why they were there).

Anyway Oprah asked "why?" and the first woman admitted that when they get into arguments and he starts to walk towards the door her reaction is to say something that she certainly knows is a hot button for him, and her reason was "If he leaves the house i don't know if he'll come back, but if he hits me then i know he's going to feel horrible and our relationship will be good for a couple of months"

It was really a compelling show and i brought it up to female friend of mine and by her reaction she didn't seem suprised- so i asked her if she'd ever done anything like that (because i knew she's had problems with her husband and they were separated). She said yes because she hates it when men just walk away so she'd call his mother a w***e or something that will generate anger in him.

Does this happen more than people know? I'd never considered such a thing in the past.

I wish i could find a link to show in Oprah's show archives, if anyone has it please let me know so i can post a link or even a youtube clip, thanks

Answer 1

I'm pretty sure it does happen more often than we'd like to believe.  

Answer 2

This is just an example of blaming the victim.  Have these men ever heard of getting up and leaving the house.  There is no excuse for domestic abuse.

Answer 3

wow thats sad

Answer 4

If people have to get smacked around in your relationship for it to work (excluding sadism/masochism of course ;), then it really isn't worth it in my opinion. I've never heard of anything like provoking your husband to hit you intentionally, but it doesn't suprise me in the least, people get astoundingly desperate at times.

Answer 5

It seems like these women take their happiness where they can get it: in the "honeymoon period." If these relationships were already abusive, I wouldn't be surprised.

Answer 6

That's absolutely disgusting.  

Answer 7

Do not click on the link for zimmeree it is a VIRUS  

Answer 8

It's war out there man. I'm nominally surprised.  

Answer 9

People can be f*cked up. Relationships = fukdup^2

But it's never right to hit someone.

Answer 10

Well, violence is never a solution, and, yes, I'm sure there are women that goad their mate to the point of distraction.

Answer 11

How often? No idea. Sick, isn't it?

The point is that it's still the fault of the hitter to hit.

What people in Violence Prevention programs are told is to leave before things escalate. Thus, if the right thing happened, and these men got into such programs, these women would find their strategy counter-productive.

What I suspect is that these women were also raised in violent homes, and came to associate hitting with love. They could use some therapy themselves.

Although this apparently happens, I hope people don't conclude from it that ALL battered women deliberately provoke it. That's what most batterers say, even when their "she deserved it; it's her fault; if she wouldn't provoke me I wouldn't hit her" often means "She expressed a want; she didn't fold the towels perfectly; she didn't cook what I wanted for dinner; dinner was ten minutes late" and other non-misdeeds.