How old is too old for a girl to sleep in the same bed as her dad?

Question

My daughter is 9 years old. She goes to her dad's house every other weekend. He picks her up on saturday and brings her home on sunday. My problem is that she sleeps in bed with him saturday night. She's always been a daddy's girl so I don't know whose idea it is for this sleeping arrangement. When she was 3, 4, and 5 I didn't think much about it but now that she's 9 I'm starting to feel that it's inappropriate. Am I being over-protective or what?

Answer 1

I am 17 and when I visit my dad we sleep in the same bed! Its no big deal as long as she has her own bed and she does it by her own choice its her dad for Gods sake. People make such a big deal out of it.

Answer 2

Gross. I swear, men are such perverts. This should have stopped when she was 1 or 2. Next thing you know they will be having s*x. Do something to stop this.

Answer 3

As an every other weekend father I'm sure your husband is doing it out of guilt for not being there seven days a week.  My daughter has ahd her own room for years, and even at age three she had her own bed.

However, it is long past the time she should have been out of there.  All he has to do is set up a special sleeping are for her with nice stuff so the move is a positive thing for her, together with an explanation that she is not a baby anymore.

It would have been a lot easier to do this when she was 4 or 5.  I hope is hasn't become an emotional crutch for her dealing with him not always being around

Answer 4

no, 9 is a little to old to be sleeping with dad. there are girls that start their periods at that age. i would have a talk with her. at age 9 i believe i knew that men had cars and girls had garages and men liked to park their car in the garage at night. i stopped sleeping in the same bed with my dad at like age 5.

Answer 5

yea i think she should get her own bed now because 9 is too old to be sleeping with another person

you should confront him with this

Answer 6

/i think she needs her own bed just to be safe

Answer 7

you know him better than me, but you can take this to the bank , yes she should have her own bed.

Answer 8

if there are no 'issues' of sexual abuse associated with the divorce then I think it is ok. She will out grow it on her own.

I was 30 years old and my son was born with a life long disability and I crawled into my dad's bed with him and jsut cried.  I got into bed with him for hugs.  Sometimes a girl just needs her dad.

Answer 9

i think 9 is fine nothing wrong with that, when she feels awkward shell probs make her own choice to stop sharing the bed with him.

Answer 10

she doesn't see her daddy as often so she prob. feels safe and close to him when she gets to sleep with him in the same bed.

She's not that old yet. Like the other lady said,when she feels older she will see it as awkward and she will ask for her own bed space.

Shoot I was fifteen and still slept with my mom and dad at times.

It's an emotional comfort kids need sometimes. Especially if your parents live in different homes.

She'll stop when she's ready and only do it once in a while.

If you have open communication with her. You could prob. kindly ask her if it brings her a sense of security or why she likes to sleep in his bed?

=)

I wouldn't worry too much.

Answer 11

No, that is very inappropriate. You need to discuss things with both your daughter and her father.

Answer 12

I wouldn't say its "inappropriate" but your daughter will neer gorw up if she is always babied she needs to learn to sleep on her own its a part of life and probably just better overall

Answer 13

How well do you know her father?  How mature is your daughter maybe she still likes sleeping with her father maybe she gains some comfort from it.  I was a young  9yr old and I only had my parents at home cause we lived too far out of town so not many kids came over and I didn't have any brothers or sisters at home so my parents and I were close.  I slept in my own bed however the only time I slept with my parents was when I was upset. I started to get more private at around that age, but everyone is different. Does she sleep with you? Not everyone is a pervert maybe they are close and maybe she misses him when she's not there. I don' t see anything wrong with it at that age a few years older maybe. Keep up open communication with your daughter to see if anything is inappropriate.  Is she happy to go to her father's house or  not? My friends kids love to sleep with their Dad or Mom or all four of them together because they like to wake up with everyone there.  Follow your gut it's your best lie detector.

Answer 14

No, you're not being over-protective.  9 is definitely too old to be sleeping with her dad.  She's old enough to know that boys and girls have different parts, and she's old enough that she's going to start talking about s*x and boys with her classmates (most people don't want to believe that, but it's true), and she's old enough to start liking boys, and that's just too old to still be sleeping in the bed with him.  Have a talk with him about it, but don't say anything to her, because it would most likely make her feel uncomfortable.  If he disagrees, or thinks you're being ridiculous, then come up with a compromise.  You can both go speak to a therapist about it, and the therapist can also speak to your little girl, and afterwards, the therapist can give you her professional opinion about whether or not this is inappropriate.

Answer 15

It is not inappropiat it would be a good idea if she got her own though. Its father and daughter nothing perverted about that

Answer 16

When I was young, my parents, especially my dad, were never comfortable with it even when we were little.  You need to talk to her dad.  She is too old to be sleeping with her father and anyways, children at that age should be sleeping in their own beds.

Answer 17

i think 11 would be too old... right now she's still a little girl,, if he is her biological dad,, i think you should just start hinting to  him that she's getting a little older now.. and he might want to put her in  her own bed.... but  another 2 years and she is definitely too old.

Answer 18

My nephew is 10 and sleeps with his mom when his dad is away on trips. BUT she has a King size bed and 3 dogs sleep in the middle.

Answer 19

5 years old is a fine age to stop sleeping with your parents. 9 years old is creapy. I don't think you're being over-protective, but I think you should find a very sensitive way to address the situation. You're daughter will eventually have to grow up and this is good little starting point.

Answer 20

well as long as they are just sleeping nothing wrong with that. I mean if you had a son who was 9 and he was sharing your bed would you have an issue with it? i mean as long as your ex is not abusing your daughter sexual i dont see a issue about this.

Answer 21

I see nothing wrong with it.  She will outgrow it soon on her own.

Answer 22

Whenever either of them get uncomfortable. I am 13 with my own room own bed, but I still sleep in my parents room sometimes because they have cable tv and I fall asleep watching it.

Answer 23

No way, maybe talk to her Dad but it's all a little fishy to me.

Answer 24

Since she only gets to see him every other weekend she most likely feels the need to be close to him when she does see him. By age 11 it should stop however. I know a girl that is 10 that sleeps in her dad's bed for exactly this reason.

Answer 25

u want a better settlement?

Answer 26

From my point of view, that does seem a little innappropriate. Plus it could lead to sleeping issues when she finally needs to sleep by herself at his place. It is understandable if she has a bad dream or thought she heard someone in the house that she would want to sleep with her dad that night. but not everynight

Answer 27

Of course you are overprotective...you are her mom!  You are obviously uncomfortable about this situation, so you need to talk to her dad about this.  You know your daughter better than anyone.  You know what level of maturity she is at.  I have an 8 1/2 y/o daughter.  She gets clingy with her dad a lot when he has been out of town for business or working a lot.  She misses him and wants to cuddle with him and spend time with him.  She still comes in our bed sometimes in the middle of the night.  You haven't mentioned how long you and her father have been separated.  Was she 3, 4, 5 and going with him on the weekends?  If so, she has probably gotten used to it and might still be wanting to sleep with him to feel close to him and because she misses him.  It may have become more of a habit for her.  

That being said, she is starting to get a little more mature and growing up (too fast it seems sometimes).  You might need to remind her dad of this as well because he probably still looks at her like she's that little 4 or 5 year old most of the time.  I'm sure he will agree with you that she should be encouraged to sleep in her own bed while over there.  Of course if she needs him for any reason whatsoever, he won't be far away and she can always come to him in the night.  I'm sure things are similar when she is at your house.    This will help her out in the long run and help her learn to be more independent and have some control.

I wanted to let you know that this is a very good question to ask.  Some of the answers you have gotten so far have bit a bit mean and outrageous so I hope you totally disregard them.

**Another note...about abuse....I experienced this when very young at the hands of my dad.  I was younger and knew that what was going on was wrong.  I would avoid being alone with him whenever possible, especially when he was drinking.  If your daughter was experiencing that with her dad, she would express it in different ways...a lot of time kids are "guilted into or warned" to stay quiet.  I think your daughter would show hesitancy about spending time with him.  I don't think the thought of abuse should enter your head, but then again, you know the both of them and I don't, so if that has crossed your mind you should address it ASAP.  

Good luck to you...this is an akward situation to be in.  I hope I have been able to help in some way.  Take care.

Answer 28

No you should feel that way. Being a daddy's girl is fine but dont let her go past 9 yrs. I was a daddy's girl too but my mom said no more when i was 5. It may prove to be awkward later

Answer 29

Does your daughter sleep with you?  If not, she may not feel as comfortable in a "strange" place.

Answer 30

9 yrs old is a little too old to be sleeping with her dad.  I'd say past age 5 is too told.  Is she afraid of the dark?  Is it her idea or his?  Does she sleep by herself when she's at home?  If she does then there's no reason for her to be sleeping in the same bed with him.  Offer to buy her a fun sleeping bag to take to his place and see if maybe that can put a stop to it.  Maybe he doesn't have another bed?  Either way, it's something that needs to be addressed.

Answer 31

Enough a'ready.

No counselor would approve of this.

Your ex is not normal.