How oto tel my extended family we are fostering to adopt?

Question

We are trying to tell our extended family ( so when go to family get to gathers we are not talked about with the children with us) we want all the gossip out before we see them.) Are close family already knows. But we want to send out some sort of announcement of our decision any Ideas?

Answer 1

A family newsletter is a great idea.  You can use it to talk about your plans, and also your concerns with the types of questions that might arise.  I would wait to use the cardstock with feet until you are announcing the arrival of a child in your home.  

You can also use your close family - who knows and understands the situation - to help spread the word for you so that you are not faced with a million questions at first.  Most people understand that foster parenting is a challenging situation and you never know if the child will stay or be returned to his/her family or even moved to another foster home.  You want to be able to spend your time helping your child to "fit in" rather than to try to explain why he/she is different.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Each extended family member will have their own views regarding both fostering and adopting children.  I think educating the closer relatives as to the multiple issues and possibilities associated with this sometimes lengthy process will help take the weight off you and your spouse a bit. Depending on how big your extended family is, make time to call or email a few every few days.  Ask your closer family to assist in getting the word out.  As I'm sure you know, family information travels faster than the speed of light. When they communicate with your extended family members they will be in a better position to explain your reasoning for taking on such a selfless, yet rewarding, and sometimes difficult task.  I would begin by letting family as a whole know that you will be fostering a child or children in your home, and that if circumstances work out you will hopefully be able to welcome another member into your family in a more permanent manner.  If by some chance you are at a family gathering and a relative begins speaking about issues you feel are inappropriate to be speaking about in front of your foster child, excuse yourself with the child and explain you would be happy to continue the conversation at a more suitable time.  Good luck.

Answer 3

I wouldnt send out cards unless you are 100 percent certain that that child is joining your family and you have made the final decision. i would just explain to those you feel need to know in person. thats the more considerate way to do things. more personal that way if the have any questions  or comments you can address them directly

Answer 4

you could send out a little card saying your plaaing to adopt a child, and when the date gets closer to the adoption of whne you get a child ask them to come to your house for a dinner or get togather/meet and greet with the children

Answer 5

I think you should do it over the phone bring it up out of the blue or e-mail so if they have anything to say or ask u can answer it. So that they could understand and save the cards for when you have pictures and names and send it out that way. A new family photo.

Answer 6

Here is the announcement we sent out.  (names have been deleted of course)

Its a Boy!!!!!





And another Boy!!!





um, And a Girl!!!!





Josh and Jenn are proud to announce their adoption of three wonderful Children:



Insert names of children here



We have begun our visits with all three children and feel extremely blessed.  Child name and Child name move in on April 21, and Child name is scheduled to move in on May 16.



I can only tell you there was some cosmic or biblical forces at work because we truly feel we were meant to parent these children.  



We have attached three pictures of the children on this email and will post a ton of pictures and video on facebook.  (if you are not a member of facebook let me know and I can share more pics with you individually.)



Please join me in welcoming these three wonderful children into our family and friend circle!!



Excitedly Yours,





Josh and Jenn

Answer 7

We just went through that a bit over two months ago.

We had been going through the process and we were not going to tell our folks till we were adopted.  The only one who knew was my sister who we used as one of our references.  

We found out we were approved at 1100 am one day and 3.5 hours later got a second call asking us to meet the worker at the hospital to pick up a 4 day old girl who was ready to come home.  

Talk about quick!!!!  Anyway, we had to tell people and do it quick so we just made some phone calls and started with something along the line of "You wouldn't believe what just happened...."

It worked out wonderfully for us and I'm sure it will be the same for you.

Good luck and God bless.  Enjoy it all.

Answer 8

if you do the feet, people are going to assume it's a baby or young child.  foster kids are more often older.  just write a family newsletter.

Answer 9

With out extended family we started a little "Newsletter" to keep everyone up to date with what was going on--as well as some of the things we needed them to do to support us and the children....

It was very helpful as we could let everyone know about the issues we had learned in training and we could also let them know how to best respond to what they might find confusing...

For example it really didn't occur to anyone that Helping Us change the newly placed 1 yr old's diapers was not actually Help but rather interfering with his attachment...

It didn't help that Grandma saw the 5 yr old throw a tantrum and thinking she was helping us suggested she spend that night with Grandma....

Family also didn't always understand our methods of parenting a child who needed firm boundaries... It seemed mom was being far too controlling when the child had only done one little thing at the BBQ so why was she in a "Time-In" and "At Mom's Side" the rest of that day?

By letting the family know who was here and what some of the issues were (and by the way WE didn't give our family all the dirty details of what the children had been through) The family will Make Up stories if we don't give them enough to fill the gaps themselves....

We just kept everyone on the same page with enough info that they were able to understand what they saw and why we responded the way we did...And we did it in a general way using words like "In our Training we Learned That XYZ" or "One form of Therapy is to ABC"

When we talked about some of the things they might see with the childrens behaviors we might say something like: "Children who have been through the trauma of changing careigvers and the loss of their biological family may act in these kinds of ways: " Or "We have learned that Our Daughters prenatal and early life expereinces have resulted in this kind of behavior:"

The family actually appriciated being able to understand the issues and ways they could help and what kind of help was not helpful in the end and why....  Most of the time it was easy to Just send an email out to everyone ...

Answer 10

you could send out your little card like a birth announcement far eg

Kate & Jay Green

would like to announce our Exciting news that there will soon be a new arrival in the family, we have decided to give a child a loving home through the beauty of adoption.

hope you will all be as excited to meet them as we will

keep you informed

with love

Kate & Jay

hope this helps

Answer 11

I like what Marie C said.  And you can change the wording, or add extra details, to explain that the children are not necessarily going to stay, and you should know by such-and-such date.

Answer 12

You could do a nice "family newsletter" on the computer.  Some people send these out with their Christmas cards, but you really don't need for it to be a holiday to send one.  Just write a nice letter that says, "Dear family and friends, we are joyfully announcing the impending arrival of x*x and x*x, our new children!   They will be joining our family on XX/XX, and we hope to adopt them by XX/XX.    Our older son/daughter is XX years old, and the younger one is XX years old.  We are so excited about these additions to our loving home, and we hope you will come to meet the children as soon as they have settled in."    If you have a digital photo of the kids, perhaps you could paste it on to the letter.

Edit:  Since your circumstances are somewhat different, you could say instead:   "Dear friends and family, we are excited to announce that in the very near future, some new children will be joining our family through foster care.  We are hoping to make these special children ours forever, and will be sure to let you know if this becomes a possibility.  We will share more information with you when it happens.  In the meantime, we hope you will visit us to meet and welcome the children once they get settled in our home."

Answer 13

Well, the telephone is a handy tool.