How serious is it to know your natural family?

Question

I want to forget my nmother who has not done one thing for me but almost run me insane because of her selfishness by saying I have a husband, children and grandchildren. I was previously told by an aunt when I was a teenager that her life did not include me. I could be more pissed off at her than I am and yes sometimes I want to tell her off. However, this little flag goes up and tells me to surrender and let her go. I find it hard to do so, why? Is there some special bonding that God has given nmother and children during pregnancy?

Answer 1

no....only selfish people on this earth have made such rules....

to love a person one has to have a large heart ready to sacrifice.....

Answer 2

it's normal to want to know your natural family.

Answer 3

yes ... a mother and child have a special bond but I'm not really sure i get your story ? are you your mothers child from an affair or something ? Where you raised by other relatives ?

Answer 4

Which mother u want to forget? your biol logical or who had had taken care of u? from childhood? or say adopted?

Now that you have grown up and THINK ON YOUR OWN AND HAVE GOOD REASONING POWER do not u think u should give up postmortem your past and look ahead to brighten up your present<>??><

THINK,Ifeel you need not be emotional in cinema type model and search for whohad not cared to know where are r u andliving or dead<forget and get ready yourself to fight for your right and prepare yourself for appearing YOURSELVES only not adding any surname or middle name,be your own and look for tommoprow and forget yester and do not worry and listen to other's what they say,no one is pure and unsinlawful.Belive in yourself.go ahed GOD is with You

Answer 5

I think so. With out ever meeting my birthmom I have always felt strangley connected to her. Its strange too because we just came in contact less than 2 months ago and I feel I can relate to her so easily. Its a very strange sensation and emotion. So hard to explain but I do believe that some how and some way there is a connection.

Answer 6

As a daughter to an adoptee I wish I knew that part of my biological family even though it's a generation away.

As an adoptive mom to my son, I long to know who his biological parents and family are.  I feel as thou they are mine as well.

Since I don't know any of them and I don't know if I like them or not or if they'd like me or my son, only time will tell...

My situation is a little different than yours...  just remember that life is short and you can never take words back after they're said.  Best wishes with your decision.

Answer 7

The only good reason I could give you for knowing your natural family is health reasons.  Your family may have certian medical problems that it would be good to know now in case the are heriditary.  Its hard to let go cause there is a little voice that pipes up saying that maybe they can change.  If you truely feel you need to let go to heal and feel better, then do it & don't look back.

Answer 8

That depends on the adoptee to me it’s not important which is why I don’t search and never plan too.  Even if I did search it would be simple to get some medical information. That it is important to some adoptees some sometimes don’t feel whole with out looking for their genetic roots.

As far as not being able to tell your bmother off, you probably feel obligated that you can’t since she is your bmother.  You might feel that you owe her something. Well you don’t no adoptee owes anything to their birthparent or is obligated to them in anyway.

Answer 9

I'm a little unclear about which mother you're speaking of who's let you down.  Regardless, find the book "The Art of Forgiving", by Lewis B Smedes. Probably in your local library. It's a WONDERFUL book that helped me GREATLY forgive the (adoted) mother who rejected and abused me throughout my childhood, then rejected MY children.  

Sometimes the person we're angry with may not know or care that we're angry, and so, in the end the act of forgiving is to release OURSELVES from the pain. There are many misunderstanding about what forgiveness is & what it is not. This book explains that and more.

Two important keys to forgiveness that I learned from this book is that it does NOT 1.) Release the other person from the responsibility for/consequences of their behavior, or 2.) Require that we continue to have a relationship with the person who has harmed us.

As for finding your natural family, I believe it's a NORMAL desire to want to know your history, heritage, genealogy, heredity.  MANY people find these subjects fascinating. Some do not.  It's that simple.  

For some people (like me) finding was a BURNING NEED that I cannot adequately explain.  I just HAD to know!!  Finding out who I looked like, who I took after, where I got my blonde hair & my height, my love for learning new things, etc., was and is HUGELY important to me.

Finding means I no longer "feel adopted", which I guess means, I no longer feel separated from my own life connections.  Finding meant I had the answers when my children have had medical issues. And now, finding means I have those answers when my daughter calls to ask for medical information for HER children (my grandchildren).

Finding helped me figure out who I was; a blend of both nature & nurture; both adopted & birth families.  It grounded me in a way nothing else could have. It gave me my roots, a footing to hold onto.  

It's RIDICULOUS for ANYONE to say "just move forward & stop looking back".  Why on EARTH do we as humans spend so much money and time and effort studying & exploring anthropology, archeology, sociology, history, etc., if the "past" is so freakin' meaningless?  LOL!  Too funny!

ETA: Opps...I missed one main point. Yes, I do believe there's a special bond between mother & child that develops naturally during pregnancy in MOST circumstances. Of course, there are exceptions in everything.  For various reasons (such as a mental illness or drug issue), sadly sometimes the mother isn't able to bond appropriately with her child.  Even then, a child will long for that connection & find it difficult to understand that either a shortcoming or the illness of the parent is to blame, not the child.  

There is a natural bond between child & parent.  Children always want to please their parents, even when those "children" are grandparents themselves.  

Good luck my friend...

All the best...