How should I avoid telling her without lying?

Question

Ok, so me & my best friend both have 3 year old children. When I told her I was going off birth control back in March, she wanted to do the same because she wanted our 2nd kids to be the same age too. I don't object, but I wasn't going to change my plans based off of what she wants- I was doing it because me & my partner agreed it was time to start TTC again.

I made an appointment to get my IUD removed, my best friend called me a week before my appointment and told me she'd got her IUD out already. It's fine by me, but I kind of felt like she was already too caught up in my space about having another baby.

It's been 5 months, and both of us are still TTC. No luck yet. The first month we got off birth control, we talked about how long it took to get our periods and stuff (to make sure our bodies were regulating, we compared). But she took that information and started tracking both my period & her own.

She's become too obsessed. She calls me around the time I'm suppose to get my period & asks me "have you got it yet?? let me know!!" .. she calls the next day, "any sign?? maybe you're pregnant!! you should test!!" .. it's starting to really get to me. I just want to let things happen at their own pace.

But I was thinking today, what if I do get pregnant, and she isn't yet. I know she brought this on herself, but when I do get pregnant, I don't want to tell her right off hand. I think it's something I want to tell my partner, and keep to ourselves until I've passed the 1st trimester. (I've had a M/C before.)

So, I don't want to LIE to her & say "oh yea, I got my period" or anything.. but I don't want to tell her if I am pregnant. Her mom is good friends with my mom, I'd HATE for my mom to hear from my best friend's mom that her daughter is preggo again. I want to do a cute announcement.

Anyway.. I know I could say things like, "hey, that's my personal business" but she'd just say things like "oh, so you haven't got it yet. maybe you're preg. oh you should take a test, omg I hope you are. I hope I am.." blah blah blah.

ahhh! I want to be like 4 months before I even tell her. I only see her like once every 2 months, but she'd be devistated if I'd told her I got my period, and later found out I'm due in like 5 months.

how do I get out of this stupid pregnancy "competition" thingy with my best friend?!?! .. it should be like this!

Answer 1

Invite her out for lunch or coffee or something and say; 'There is something i want to talk about... when i do fall pregent i don't want to tell anyone except my fiancee incase i have a miscarige'

explain how you have had one before and dealing with everyone's symphony was too overwhelming - that its just better if no one else knows. And say on that note its best if you don't ask me if i have got my perioud so that you don't have to lie to her, just be honest, open, and caring in how you tell her and it should be fine.

Tell her something like its really upsetting you and you dont want to hurt her feelings or ruin a friendship; make sure you let her know its important that things change a little so you dont have to be worried.

Don't tell her she naggy or anoying as that will hurt her feelings, but tell her everythign else!

Answer 2

You sound closer to this woman than you are to your partner and that ain't right is it.  Best friends are great but there are elements in your personal life with your partner that are totally private and shouldn't be blurted to all and sundry and this is one of them.  Ok, it's only to her and not everyone but you get my meaning?  Your private life doesn't revolve around her - and vice versa.  She's in danger of becoming the third person in your relationship and that's not good news.  I would say to her just what you've said to us.  Be up-front about it and pleasant when you tell her because you do value her friendship and don't want to hurt her.  Tell her you feel that this pregnancy thing is becoming a bit like a competition so you aren't going to discuss it anymore until you or she is pregnant.  You aren't in a great hurry to get pregnant - so no more counting the days and comparing periods every month.  Talking about it so much is making you anxious and therefore less likely to conceive.  Anyway, you can't be exactly the same as you are both separate individuals with different body clocks.  Your personal cycle would be different even if you were sisters.  Tell her that you'll let her know if you do become pregnant and leave it at that.  When you are and you've told your partner and your family, THEN you can tell her.  If she doesn't like it - tough.  Would you be upset if she told her spouse and family she's was pregnant before she told you?  Of course you wouldn't.  As you say, she's a little intense so a bit of distance wouldn't hurt you for a while.  No need to fall out over it.  Just be cool about it.  If she asks about your period say 'No - I told you, I'm not counting days anymore'.  Do this often enough and she'll stop asking.

Answer 3

I'll try to keep this short you have so much to read... I wouldn't lie to her later I'd tell her right now that she is kind of stressing you out monitoring your conception the way she is. This is supposed to be a natural and special event and it's not working out that way.

Then I'd tell her as special as it would be for the kids to also be the same age, let it happen naturally IF it's supposed to be that way. And you plan on only telling your better half about it when you do finally conceive, as things should be.

Answer 4

Hey, to be honest with you you don't sound like best friends...with a best friend you can talk about everything, no pressure, if you want to keep it to you and your man the first 3 months tell her before it happened and then just do it...tell her you'd like you two to get pregnant the same time, but she's putting pressure on you with her behaviour and you don't want this to be a problem if one of you gets pregnant first...THIS IS NOT A RACE!!! Tell her to stop talking about this subject and give it a break until one of you decides to bring it on again, TALK to her and stop this race before it's too late, cause you're right, she WILL be hurt if you get preg. first...she'll be under pressure...

TALK! Good luck...with your pregnancy too!!!