How should I best approach this problem with my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past three years and in that time, he has always possessed a passion for living and expressed himself as a happy, go lucky man. Several nights ago, we spelt together for the very first time. I noticed several deep scars across my boyfriend's abdomen and upper legs at this time, and could not help but notice that each scar appeared relatively new, as not one had yet formed a crust. I attempted to discuss this with him a few days ago, but he dismissed me, telling me he did not wish to discuss it. I am really worried that he might be self-harming. I would like to believe that I am being paranoid, but I can see no other reasonable and logical explanation for these scars. I was wondering how best to approach this with him again, and whether it might be wise of me to inform his parents, as he is living with them at this time and perhaps they are aware of something I am not. I do not wish to distroy our relationship in the process, but alternatively, I wish for him to know how deeply concerned and afraid I am and I want him to know that he can discuss anything with me. How do I approach this with him and if it does reveal that he is self-harming, how should we approach this? I would really like to begin a sexual relationship with him too, but am worried about hurting him due to his scarring. Should I try discussing this with him also?

Answer 1

Let him know that you're willing to talk and that you want to understand. If he doesn't respond or says he'd rather not talk about it, respect his space. For a lot of self-injurers, talking about self-injury is a hard thing to do - some find it embarrassing. Unless you really feel that he is a danger to his own life, I would not tell his parents. Self-injury is usually not an attempt at suicide. It is a coping strategy that manages thoughts and feelings that are too overwhelming for a person to handle. If he does confide in you that he does self-injure, just be there for him. Ultimately it will be his choice if he wants to seek professional help or treatment and he will need support.

Answer 2

full caress while communicating or discussing those scars with him

you may really let him feel how you are concerning about

take him up seriousely before satrting your conversations.

take care and good luck