How should I deal with "nosey" middle school teacher colleagues?

Question

I'm a male 40 yr. old middle school teacher. Every new school year our staff introduces ourselves to each other again and to the new teachers. My problem is that I'm divorced now and they all want to know details about my own children and how often I see them. Well, I don't mind letting people know that I have kids, but it's hard to explain that I never see them because I'm in the process of letting them be adopted by a stepparent (it's what's best for the kids and will avoid my financial distruction). I'm working closely and amicably with my exwife&her new husband to do this adoption and it's important for me to look like an noncommunicating, uncaring parent and make him look like a god to the children to hurry this legal process along.

Well, I work mostly with female staff and I'm afraid if I look like a failed parent it will reflect on my teaching abilities to them. I can't pretend I don't have kids because some staff already know. What should I say??

Answer 1

Just tell them that you appreciate that they care so much but you dont want to talk about it.That would make them feel like they are being a bit too nosy and normally they back off. If they dont just repeat it until they get the hint.

But if your worried about their opinions of you and this situation. Say "my kids are fine and Im trying to get this divorce situation over as quickly as possible for their sake and mine. I appreciate that you care enough to ask about my family but I dont feel comfortable talking about my personal life right now. So if you dont mind can we leave this topic alone."

Answer 2

women like to be empathetic but man this is tough.

I would just say - Hi I am Joe. I am divorced and starting over.  It's been tough and I prefer not to talk about it, and would appreciate it if everyone respects that.  Ask me about sports, about my new dating life - make a joke about that - and try and deflect the other stuff.

And when anyone tries to get in there and ask, just repeat, 'you know - this is really private to me and I just don't want to talk aout it with people. I know you'll understand."

Whether they understand or not - as long as you're polite, you deflect - they will eventually get that it's none of their business and you aren't going there.

On a personal note - yeah... I am butting in - be open to seeing your kids.  A step dad is nice but kids feel the need to be with and know their birth parents.  Either as adults as they get older or even growing up. ALWAYS remember their birthdays, Christmas and other special days.  They need to know you care and remember.  Do some reading, and don't ever give up the relationship.    Kids feel this stuff - right up into adult hood The research is there.  

Good luck.