How should I deal with this. My 6 year old son is in 1st grade. He attended preschool with no problems but?

Question

we kept him out of Kindergarten and the first part of 1st grade because of medical reasons. He has continually complained about his teacher and how mean she is. I have met with her twice and then my husband and I both met with her once concerning this thing they do about moving their "stick" if they have done something wrong. We were concerned when we found out that the kids had to move their stick if they didn't finish their work, or "acted" like they didn't know how to do fractions or something other than being disrespectful or hitting. The teacher told us it was school policy and to just try and tell our son it isn't that big of a deal to move his stick. Our son gets very upset when he has to move it. Well last week I attended a field trip with the first graders and was sitting beside this one little girl and her Dad showed up late with her lunch so I stayed sitting with her while the other kids went to play in the park. She told me that this was the first time she had

Answer 1

If it is school policy I think the principal would be the right person to talk to, and tell him/her exactly what you are thinking, that there has to be a difference in "consequences" for misbehaving or not actually doing work and not being able to finish a complete task.

Answer 2

Oviously this practice is affecting your childs experience of school in a negative way. I would suggest talking to the principle about this matter. Its almost like a form of emotional abuse. Instead of rewarding positive things the negative ones are brought to attention. A practice which is not conducive to learning. Don't let this go and be your childs advocate. You are all he has and his school career should be one he enjoys not dreads.

If I were in your position I would DEMAND this practice to be stopped and get all your ducks lined up in a row. Even with getting other parents together and signing a petition and going to the principle. You can change things. I have done so myself when my kids were in school.

Best wishes

Answer 3

You should have a parent teacher confrence and visit your sons counsler and see if u can get your son to switch classes. And I dont completley understand what "move your stick" means

Answer 4

I have no idea what moving your stick means but I have 2 sons that had different teachers at that age & if there is one thing I would change is I would have taken my son out of the bad teachers room. They are too young to have to be so stressed. Do whatever you can to have him taken out as soon as possible. We create patterns & then our life we repeat the patterns. Put him some place where he feels all the god things in life. Of course it is good to be strong but at this age the good things are joy, love, peace this teacher is not teaching any of that.

Answer 5

I think that it wouldn't be a bad idea to discuss it with either the girls mom or the principal.

Answer 6

That disciplinary system is one that is being used across the country and it is also one of the main reasons why I chose to homeschool my son.  When I went to the Principal with my concerns (which were similar to yours) she told me to let him know that it's "not that big of a deal".  I disagreed, my son is a good kid and does not get in trouble very often - I wanted him to know that if he got in trouble at school then it was, indeed, a big deal.  However, I found myself sending him the message that it was no big deal because the things that he moved a stick for were ridiculous... not getting done in the bathroom in time, not spelling "wednesday" properly, taking too long to answer a question (and ummm... they knew that he's dyslexic).  I decided that the only way for me to be in control of how my son is taught, treated and cared for was to teach him myself.  So that's what we're doing now....

Answer 7

First of all, there always needs to be consequences, but this particular way of handling children is detrimental to mental stability.  They need some positive reinforcers, like if the complete their work they get to move their stick.  I would talk to the teacher again, and refuse that he be involved in this method as it is mentally, and emotionally negatively affecting him.  Have the school counselor talk to your son about the stick, and have her report that to whoever made the "policy".

Answer 8

I think it's reasonable to have something like sticks for behavior management.  It shouldn't be the only strategy a teacher has for controlling the class, though, and if sticks are being moved all the time then it sounds like the teacher needs mentoring on better ways to control the class.  I don't think it's reasonable (and think it's actually harmful) for something like academic achievement.  

I would say something to the little girl's mom just to make sure she knows what's going on with her daughter, and let her handle it from there.  For my own kids, if they were moving sticks for true behavioral issues (including not finishing work because they were goofing off), I'd have no problem with that at all.  If they were moving sticks because they happened to be slower than other kids at getting their work done even though they were working their hardest, or because they honestly didn't understand something, I would be going in to talk to the teacher ... and since it sounds like you've already tried that, to the principal.  That kind of thing will totally turn a kid off to learning, which is really sad in the first grade!

The trick, of course, is to find out what's really happening, as a kid's report of why they were in trouble and a teacher's report about it may not exactly match.  If you're getting different stories from the two of them, volunteer in the classroom and see for yourself what's going on....

Answer 9

You should not just "let it go". I would go directly to the principal, superintendent, and/or school board with this. Do they know what's going on? You can tell them about your experience as well as that little girl's (don't use her name). I would not make my son go back to that school if they didn't change that policy. There is no reason to make these kids upset! Are they rewarding them for good behavior in an equally over-the-top way? They should be focusing on the positives, not the negatives at this age. The kids should enjoy school, not get sick about it!  I'm sure these two children aren't the only ones affected. As a parent, you have to stand up for them! I wish I could go with you!

Answer 10

my daughter is also 6 and in 1st grade. they have to move a stick as well. we never have had any problems but she does get upset when she has to move hers. her teacher tries to divide it out fair. but if i was you i would speak to the little girls mother and let her know what you were told just to make her aware. and also i would talk with the teacher again. sometimes i do believe that teachers are harder and harder on kids these days especially the young ones and i would make sure that fairness is distributed evenly throughout the class. you may want to speak with the principal as well just to make him/her aware of what is going on. but just remember that there is only 2 1/2 months of school left and he wont have to worry so much after that.

Answer 11

First of all there seems to be an issue that your child may not be learning at the same level as the other members of the class. Instead of questioning the methodology the teachers use to track this how about talking to the teacher about resources available to get your child up to grade level. Secondly there also seems to be confidence issues relating to the distress involved in moving a stick. Not every child can do everything the same as every other child. These issues can be addressed by saying to the child "So Johnny you can't do X very well and Timmy can but look at how well you can do Z" or by using the services of professional counselors.

Answer 12

My daughter is also in first grade, and in her classroom they do not "move a stick."  They have Red, Yellow and Green cards for behavior (like traffic lights).  If they are following classroom rules and doing their work, they get a green card.  If they are violating certain rules, or not completing their tasks, they get a yellow card.  For serious behavior issues and disrupting the classroom, they get a red card.  At the end of the week, if they have green cards most of the time, they get to pick a treat from the teacher's "treasure box."

The "stick" thing sounds like a similar method of helping kids recognize when they are not complying with classroom rules.  Perhaps the teacher is presenting it in an intimidating way.   But in principle, there is nothing wrong with teaching children to be responsible for their behavior.

Since you son missed a lot of school over the last couple of years, he may not be 100% comfortable in understanding all the classroom rules, so he is worrying about the stick.   It might be a good idea if you could meet with the teacher and bring your little boy with you.    Have the teacher gently explain all the classroom rules to him (even if he already knows them), because a one-on-one session with YOU there might help him to become more comfortable with the teacher.

Don't worry about what you heard from the other little girl.  I have two older kids besides my first-grader, and one of the things that I have learned over the years is "just worry about your own child."  You're not always getting the whole story about anything if you hear only the point of view of a child, and not the teacher's story.

Answer 13

I would talk to the principal.  I don't think there's anything that the teacher can really do, if it's school policy.  I think that's very wrong to make the children do that.  If you can't do anything by talking to the principal, then I would take a survey from all of the kids and their parents and send it to administration.  That is not right to single out the children that are well behaved and just not as quick as the others.  That should not be allowed at all.  Especially if it makes the children fearful of going to school.  Most kids don't start not liking school until Jr. High, which is normal to me.  By the kids starting to not like school that young is not going to be a benefit for their education.  They should want to go to school to learn new things, not be afraid of moving a stick in class.  It seems like a form of public humiliation; having to move the stick in front of the class.  I think the disrespectful and mean kids should do it, but not the ones that are having a little trouble.

Answer 14

Your son is telling you that she is being abused by her teacher. Please act on what she is telling you. This is not a healthy environment for her.

  The teacher is bulling even you. Call the School Principal. Something needs to happen soon.

  I have had a similar situation happen and have choose to take my child to an environment that he is better in. My child has Autism (high functioning). We attend a Cooperative School.