How should I discipline my 11 year old daughter?

Question

you see my daughter is repeatedly lying to me and talking back and I don't know how to discipline her ! I spanked her once but I don't know if I should keep doing that!!

Answer 1

you should definitely stop spanking her. that is not a good way to discipline... just start taking things away from her. don't give her rides places, don't let her watch TV or go on the computer. you should also reward her for being helpful. she may be feeling resentful. try to at least compliment her on two different things every day. good luck

Answer 2

Don't spank her. First of all, she's too old for it, and second of all, it's only going to hurt for a second. She's at an age where getting spanked isn't really going to hurt her that much. Hit her where it hurts. Take away television, computer, whatever you think she likes the most. My dad makes me go prehistoric and just unplugs everything. xD

Answer 3

I would say she's too old for spankings. Try taking away things she likes for a few days when she misbehaves, lies or talks back. Take away tv time, her radio/iPod, cell phone/phone time, computer time, allowance, ect. But pick your battles. If you take away something important to her over something small she's may feel like she has nothing left to use and act out even more. For smaller offences you can give her extra chores or ground her just for that day. I hope that helped!

Answer 4

dont spank

cuz ur just taking ur anger out on the kid

ground her for 2 weeks everytime she lies

from everything

friends, computer, tv, reading, music

check on her every once in a while

and do it quietly so she doesnt know ur coming

and when u go out

hire a baby sitter

and hav the baby sitter check on her every once in awhile

Answer 5

Child abuse is a big no no it'll just make them think oh my mum is so mean to me i'll just keep being mean back. Just talk to her calmly even if the situation is so fustrating and it feels like you really want to throw a tantrum. Say that "i know you can be a really good girl you jsut need to know this but if you keep lyign it'll just make me angrier what ever you do jsut tell the truth it won't cause much fustration then telling me a lie" she'll feel sorry and listen.

Answer 6

She is a p*****n so it will not do much good for you to keep spanking her and only make her rebellious.  Take away her priviliges for a few days or a week and see how she reacts.  

Answer 7

Take the thing she cherishes most away from her (cell phone, game, TV ect) Ground her from it for 1 - 2 weeks and if she keeps on misbehaving, then take something else away or make the punishment longer. Good Luck!!

Answer 8

It is possible she has outgrown the whole spanking scenario. But importantly, discipline should soley be based on the parents and how they want to approach it. Lying is serious. She obviously is lying for a specific reason. She may be afraid of telling the truth because she wants your acceptance, respect and approval as a parent. She also is probably going through the phase where she needs her privacy and is learning to be an independant young lady. Parents need to know the truth. My best advice in approaching this, is take her out for a dinner, or ice cream- and tell her from your heart that you are concerned or want to be a parent and her confidant at the same time, but you need to have rules and boundaries and that lying is not ok. Maybe share an experience as a child when you were growing. Express to her that you love her, want to give her the space she needs as a growing pre-teen. But when you lie it looses your trust- and that is something you want to build with her so you can give her more trust and space to make her own choices as she gets older. Grounding or taking away a priveledge is a good start- but express to her in detail what each disciplinary action would be and why.

Sometimes kids are reacting and responding to what they see and hear around them. Maybe get advice from her on what she thinks if you the parent are taking the wrong approach- and just make sure that nothing is happening in her life that is inappropriate. Kids like to be engaged as if they are human beings and not little kids. They like to know that their thoughts and feelings are being heard out of respect, acceptance, and trust. But they can only give it if they too are getting it.

Answer 9

you shouldn't spank her anymore. instead the next time when she does it, it would be better to first tell her what is wrong again then you should take away something that is really valuable to her. it can help her change what she is right now than what she was slowly. it is better to act slowly than to make such a sudden action in her life.

Answer 10

take away her privileges like t.v. computers, games rights to phones and so forth ground her all the fun stuff.

anything that is fun for her would be a no way in h**l she would be doing it no friends over ether extra jobs to do at home too

Most of all stick to what you say do not fold just for crying or anything or you will have her owning you  

Answer 11

Ground her and take away her stuff. If she has something she really likes such as tv, stereo, phone. Take it and tell her she is not allowed to have it back for a week or however long. Tell her she is not allowed to hang with friends or go nowhere. And be strict about it when she relizes that you mean Business she will straighten up.

Answer 12

There is an interesting article bout Why Kids Lie- in the New Yorker or New York, and it is about parents subtly teaching their children to lie.

We all do it- you should read it- like, "No, Mom, I'm taking my daughter shopping today, I can't meet you for coffee." And you're both in your PJ's.

As to spanking, that's just way over.

Five years old and that should be done, because their brains don't get language and consequences before then, btu they are smart enough to figure it out otherwise later.

Talking back?

She's 11.  Not only is she at that age, but if you haven't taught her beter than that by now, good luck.

See a behavioral psychologist and be ready for big-time rebellion until you find out how to be consistent, and she settles down.

Answer 13

Okay, well spanking is for 6 year old's. I'm 13 and i know if my parents did that to me, I would be insulted. So instead hit her on the side of the head, not hard, just a little smack. Take things away from her. and encourage her to tell the truth. Show her the consueqences of doing bad things and lying and set some rules like, if you do this, I take this away. She'll get the picture. Even though I'm only 13, I'm not some incompent kid answering this for the heck of it.

~Hope i Helped~

Answer 14

Is it possible that you've lost your connection with her?  Maybe you really don't see her as an individual, but just as a younger version of you that you expect to behave?

Answer 15

ground her and remind her that if she tells the truth the punishment will be less then if you find out that she lied. let her no the only true thing she has in this world is her word it can be taken as gold or if she wants to be known as a lier then it will be taken as that no one will ever belive her even if shes telling the truth. good luck

Answer 16

ground her, take something away from her untill she learns to be respectful or just simply talk to her.

Dont hit her it doesnt help it just makes her scared to tell you the truth incase you get mad or something.

Answer 17

Kick her ***! lmao j/k.... Im a 14 year old and i think it depends on the child you're dealing with, so if she is a real brat, i say taking privelidges away from her such as watching tv,going out,cell phone, etc.) I don't really think hitting is neccessary. As a 14 year old i would like to be treated with respect and seriously..or adultlike. not an animal or some pet. If you respect her and try to have sympethy for her and try talking things out instead of yelling or any negative form of discipline she will have negative energy with her and things will only get ugly. Take a positive approach to situations. My parents don;t do this but when I'm with my uncle he treats me and his son respectfully and he takes a positive approach to things. Never say things like " you stupid idiot.!!!"... It will put down your child and so will hitting. If your daughter is really under control,violent, custing,etc. then unfortunately you have no choice but to hit her. especially if you do alot for her. Don't listen to people who say "hitting isn't the answer" especially those who have no kids! That irritates me the most. Sometimes hitting is nessessary, but it's best to do it at a younger age then an older age because they will most likely behave better during childhood. Remember that DISCIPLINE is the key to raise well-behaved and good kids that live happy lives.. DISCIPLINE can be often taken out of context. Some people think it's hitting,or beating!!! that is false. Example: If you have to go to work on time you need to push yourself to get up early and forcing yourself to do what you need to do for your own well-being...What you're doing is disciplining yourself. So remember disciplining isn't hitting, and hitting can sometimes be necessary and beating is different from hitting. DO not beat your child... nor should you abuse him/her...good luck, hope u do what's right

Answer 18

Spankings don't work at all, 2 or 3 seconds of pain? What good will that do? Ground her, from TV, computer, phone (cell phone included), friends, or going out, whatever you have to until It gets the message across.

Answer 19

I'm not trying to be funny or nothing but I would of just whooped her ***. It will teach her NOT to lie again lol. Seriously though If she don't listen discipline her by taking away stuff that she loves or not getting her stuff she want better yet don't her nothing until she learns  how to tell the truth and watch her mouth. Don't whoop her that's just embarrassing and your not gong to really get anywhere she just wont tell you anything at all.Also you might want to watch the whooping because she might hit your *** back or even worse.Slap her a real good time and do things she hate.Just make her life miserable, trust me this should work lol because it kinda worked for me.

Answer 20

at 11 you should take her stuff away. and i know that the first thing most people would say is the cell phone the computer you know big stuff but im talking about the little stuff. like taking all her clothes and giving her an outfit you picked out everyday. or limiting her showers then cutting off the water. stuff she would never think you would do. i remember my mom would do that to me and when she told me 5 mins. in the shower she meant it. she would go outside and turn it off.

its seems kind of drastic but trust me it shows her who is the boss real quick. and just let her know "look i buy you all this stuff water and electricity is not free, if i ask you something i dont want a lie and i dont want to be talked back to"  

Answer 21

you have to give her a consquence! If I lied to my mom and she found out I would get the lecture of if I keep lying, she cant trust me. Then if I told her I wanted to go my friends house to go to the pool or something, she would say "ohh im sorry but you can't go, how do I know that your really going to do what you say since you keep lying to me" Once I couldnt go to see my friends I would make sure I would tell the truth and help out around the house more so my mom trusted me and then slowly i would gain her trust back and get to do the things i wanted. Also she would punish me by taking away the things i liked, such as tv for a week or no internet, or no friends for a weekend. But the worst and what she still does is, money! I don;t know if you give her an allowance or not but my mom did. And if I didn't get the mail it was a 5 dollar fine. Everything has a fine in my house, it sucks and its the one thing that gets to me. I hate having to give my hard earned money to my mom. Like the other day my mom asked me to clean my rabbits cage 3 days ago and I never did it so I got a 5 dollar fine, it adds up too! It may seem a little harsh to make her fork over her own money to you so since shes only 11 i would work on the things she likes and taking them away. Then when shes older and is earning money do the money thing. But I wouldnt spank my 11 year old daughter she too old for that. And as for the talking back its going to happen you just have to get used to it, teens always do that!  

Answer 22

take away privileges like computer tv video games weekend with friends cellphone etc.

My fave show used to come on every monday night one like on a wed night i really disrespected my mom and she punished me by not letting me watch the show..witch im huge fan and never missed till now..i kept my comment to myself

Answer 23

just don't let her go with her friends everywhere and if she does it too you in public look at her and say YOUR BEING AN EMBARASSMENT TO ME!!! really loudly....when everyone's staring at you she wont say anything...

Thats what my mommy does to me and im 13...it works everytime.

I get so mad when i can't go somewhere ive been planning to go with my friends too!

Answer 24

Grounding won't work. So take away privileges. If she talks back it's a high probability she won't even listen to you when you ask her to behave. Taking away games, allowance, etc. (take away more important things as you go on) and tell her until she starts maturing, you won't give them back. Sooner or later she'll give in.

Answer 25

She isn't 4 years old anymore (No spanking!). Take away her most prized possession or TV, computer, phone, etc. She can't get it back for a day or two or until she writes a thoughtful, well written essay about what she has done (Each time she lies or talks back she gets it taken away for one more day then the last). She is becoming a lady and needs to respect her mama. Be very strict now so in a few months or years, she isn't worse. Good luck!

Answer 26

Never too old for a time-out, don't be afraid to reverse the lock on her bedroom door if you have to. Just very limited time periods though, can't turn into prison. Make sure she doesn't have a T.V. or computer in there.

Or if she enjoys privacy, consider just taking her bedroom door. I've seen it done before.

Answer 27

no don't spank her! Eventually, that just gets old and they start laughing. little brats. anyways, take something precious away from her (ex. a cell phone). if she lies tell her you'll tape her mouth shut. if she cries, send her to her room. if she throws a fit when u send her to her room, drag her in there and shut the door. she'll learn. eventually, she'll come out and suck it up

Answer 28

It is better to be respected because of love and not because of fear. : )

Mother and daughter relationships are bad when fear is inflicted...however do not spoil her that much though..:D

Answer 29

I was still spanked when i was 11, maybe you're not spanking hard enough?

You cannot do empty warnings... if you say you're going to punish her, then do it.. otherwise, it's no use warning her.  Take away everything, except food of course.  

Answer 30

take things from her that she really loves and don't allow her to go anywhere with anyone for a certain amount of time that way she can be bored and understand that if she continues to be disrespectful she will miss out on a lot.

Answer 31

Be sure to set clear cut boundaries and rules, then make realistic consequences for breaking those rules...the most important part is "follow through."  Making threats but never actually doing them leads to frustration and confusion for both mom and daughter.  If a rule is broken, calmly follow through with the consequence (you can stay calm b/c you both knew the rules and the consequences, it was HER CHOICE to break it)  Then later, talk about her choice to break the rule and what she could do to make a better choice next time.  

Here is a great article about preteens and lying...good luck, I know you must be frustrated!

http://www.parentingadolescents.com/lyin...