How should I discipline my son (12) who is constantly getting detention for silly things.?

Question

My son just got suspended for the 1st time today. He plays around entirely too much. I have gone as far as to take his tv out of his room. He is always on punishment. I guess I am looking for something different. I done the spanking, I done the taking away his playstation, phone, and he even wears uniforms (long sleeve shirt and tie w/slacks) to school. What else is there? I am afraid he will keep heading down the wrong path. Also, it is hard to keep a balance when a child is constantly getting in trouble. I always go overboard praising him for the good things he does to make sure he does not think, that I think, he is a failure........HELP!

Answer 1

The television in his bedroom is more than likely a part of the problem.  Children don't need teleivsions in their bedrooms.  Televisions during sleep prohibit REM sleep thus the child dosen't get a recuperative nights rest.  This develops into sleep disorders and eventually sleep deprivation which manifests itself in the child doing poorly in his grades, falling asleep in class and as your son has proven, getting into trouble.  YOU created the problem by allowing him to have a television in his room in the first place.

Answer 2

That sounds like me your son must be in 7th or 8th grade.

I am 16 in 11th grade and I get detention.

Alot of kids like to be showoffs at school and get punished - It is just being a kid.

I was always getiing int trouble at school and than my mother said she was tired of me getting into trouble - So what she did took me to school sat next to me in class went with me to my detentions and whenever I wanted to be with my friends she said I did not know how to behave that she would have go with me everyplace I went until my behavoir changed.

This really embrrassed me and - My grades went up at school and this really changed my behavoir when my mother started going with me everyplace I went.

Answer 3

You need to talk to him more and find out why he's behaving so badly.  Tell him how you feel when he does the things he does and why you want him to change.  There's more to a kid's behavior than you might think.  You can always talk to his school counselor or teacher.  They might be able to give insight to things.  Schedule a meeting with him and his counselor/teacher and you.  You should all sit down and discuss what the real issues are with him that cause him to misbehave.

Answer 4

I wouldn't let him play with his friends or take any phone calls for a week eveytime he is on punishment. You have to take away the things he enjoys the most because it may not be the playstation or TV it could be his friends.... Hit him where it hurts not literally LOL.

Answer 5

Take him on a tour of the local prison. Then get him evaluated

Answer 6

The next time he goes to school strip his bedroom of everything but the bed and dressers - take away every privilege he has, after school it's straight to his "jail-like" room until bed time - he can join the family for dinner if he wants then it's right back to his room. The 1st few days will be bad as he tries to fight the new law but if you do it right he'll straighten up really quick.

Answer 7

Reverse it.  Positive reinforcement works better than negative.  Let him work toward something good, instead of having negative consequences.  Pick out a game or shirt or or treat he wants and hang a picture of it on the fridge.  Next tell him what needs to happen in order to get it.  Not just " be good"  or "behave"  or "stay out of trouble".  Make it concrete.  " You must get positive reports from school for 20 days."  Track his progress on a chart that he can see.  Stay off his back!  Let him work toward it.

Stick to your guns and don't delay the prize if he forgets to clean his room or something silly.  

Good discipline is predictable, so the child chooses his consequences good and bad.

BTW- at this age watch about how you address his problems with others.  Instead of saying he plays way to much, say, "He has all this great energy and we are working on focusing it in a positive way."  Or "He is working hard at becoming a mature student."  When children hear parents speak negatively, it creates a self-fullfilling prophecy.

Answer 8

Now a spanking with their pants and underwear ( or diaper ) down for general punishment is wrong, exposing their privates is wrong, unless they out right defi you, then my boys are going to be striped down and be BUTT NAKED for it. No matter what age. The embarrassment if other friends or siblings are around would help a lot, or the fact of just being naked in front of mom or dad.  But that would only be my child.

Answer 9

If he has ADHD or ADD put him on the Adderall XR pill, just one, every morning, it's helped me get through school.

Answer 10

just keep letting him know that he is a good kid but his behavior is just not acceptable. try  putting him in a sport and let him run around and get some energy out of his system. maybe if he is part of a team he will try and behave so he can play with the team and not let a group of his peers down.

Answer 11

Well I don't think that u get the point.  The detention is the punishment.  It happens at my school all the time but the kids aren't mean they just like to goof around and pull pranks on the teachers or whatever.  And the parent's usually understand.

Answer 12

PUNISH HIM COMPLETELY! Ground him, take stuff away from him! Don't let him do anything till he knows what he's doing is wrong! It's for his own good! If he keeps this up, something bad could really happen to him in high school or even as an adult!

Answer 13

Try ignoring all the "Shows" he is putting on at home (it sounds like he plays around just to get some attention) and see if it doesn't lessen. He seems to want any kind of attention he can get. I would set a firm punishment for getting in trouble at school and try to derail any of the same behavior at home.

Answer 14

Hm...sounds as though the problem might be the school rather than your son.  Have you tried visiting the school daily for a week in order to find out what is actually happening there?  Before assuming it's your son, make sure it's not a power-hungry teacher, bullies, teasing or manipulation on the part of other students.

Answer 15

He is in Middle School. Is he academically a good student? Is this new behavior? If this behavior isn't new he probably is ADHD and needs medication. It will be hard to help him at this age without counseling too. There are support groups on line and off for you too. You need to have him diagnosed by a professional before you do anything. Is he working on grade level? Is school too hard for him? He may need help to do the work on grade level. One thing for sure is you want to figure this out now before he gets any older because it will just get worse if you aren't able to help him now.

My son was a good student academically, and not ADD or ADHD,  but just liked to talk and goof off. It was cute when he was little, annoying when he was in middle school, and upsetting when he got to high school. Finally, when a high school teacher called and said he was talking, goofing off, and disturbing her class we told him we would be happy to come to school and sit next to him in class as often as necessary for him to behave. Funny thing, no teacher ever complained about his behavior again, and we never had to go to school. He graduated and is a great adult.