How should I feel about my fiance?

Question

When my fiance and I first met he hardly drank, I'm now 7 months pregnant and about 4 or 5 months ago it really picked up. His mom tells me that he used to have a big drinking problem until he met me then it kinda went away. I hate the fact that he feels he needs to drink and I don't understand why, I don't want this drinking of his to continue after our baby is born. Ive tried talking to him about it and he doesn't think he has a problem. I sometimes feel like its more important than I am. Do you think that he's just nervous about being a father even though he's talked about it since we met?

Answer 1

Alcoholism is a medical condition. It has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you. It wont change unless he gets some type of help. Firstly he needs to accept the problem.

He may need to lose everything that means so much to him before that happens. Sorry.

Answer 2

he is just stressed let it go for now !

Answer 3

Sorry... The words "I need" are a dead give-away for an alcoholic.

He will never stop. The only reason he cut back when he met you is because he had a new "addiction" to keep him occupied. Now that you're "familiar", he'll go back to the big "A" to feed the "need".

Answer 4

Exactly how much does he drink? if you really have a problem with it you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel and if he wont listen then maybe you need to give him an altamatum.you cant stay with a drunk especially if there is going to be baby.

Answer 5

Depends how much he drinks. My wife thinks 10 small cans of beer is too much ! He is probably stressed about the baby but you both need to talk it through.

Answer 6

Alcoholism IS a medical condition. While the exact cause of alcoholism is unknown, research has shown increasing evidence that susceptibility to it may be inherited and the risk of developing this medical condition rises significantly in families with relatives (in particular, parents and siblings) who are dependent on alcohol. Additional risk factors include having a psychiatric condition such as schizophrenia, depression, or anxiety disorders. Poverty, social isolation, and shyness may also be risk factors.

In addition, how someone's body processes alcohol can affect the risk of developing a dependence on alcohol. Research has shown that people who need comparatively more alcohol to achieve an effect are more likely to become alcohol dependent.

All drugs affect a "reward mechanism" in the brain. Each time a person uses a drug, they feel good, which tends to make them want to use the drug again. This common feature could explain why people abuse drugs, including alcohol. As with most drugs, though, if you use them regularly, your body tends to require increasing amounts of the substance to achieve the same effect. This is called tolerance, and may be the final factor that contributes to the development of drug or alcohol dependence.

The bottom line is he needs to get help. No 2 ways about it. Without help, its a downward spiral. I've been there.

Answer 7

No. He's a typical alcoholic. He needs to get help. And yes, to them, the drink is more important than anything else, including you and your baby.

Answer 8

Pardon me for saying this, but I just can't figure out why there are so many "fiance pregnancies" being talked about, as though it's normal. I understand getting married if you happen to get pregnant, but it's talked about like it's normal when it's not.

Now you're trying to figure out how to cope with this drunkard, you're not even married to him and you're pregnant? And we're supposed to give you some sort of intelligent answer?

Also, don't listen to the people saying that alcoholism is a "medical condition" or a "disease." That is a complete myth. Alcoholism is a FAILING of the spirit and a failure to deal with life.

P.S. What is really a "fiance" today? I think the word has taken on a whole new meaning, and it's being used because people don't even know what to call the person they're having s*x with, living with, or whatever.

Answer 9

Sounds like he could be an alcoholic.  If he drinks alone, if it hurts someone else....  He has to want to quit.  Suggest AA.  By staying you are enabling him.