How should I feel about my husband's new job?

Question

My husband recently started working out of state. This isn't the first time he has worked off and the reason he didn't like it is because he was only home on weekends. Out of the blue the company he used to work for called and two days later he left to go back to work in another state. I'm not able to move with him because I have a daughter who is a junior and doesn't want to move plus I have a career also and this is where we want our home to be. Plus his family lives close to us. I have been very hurt over this and I told him that I wasn't happy about the decision, but that I would get over it. I just need a few days to let it sink in. He could have made good money living here, but even more money moving away. I am very depressed and can't understand why he did this. Anytime I tried to talk to him about the job he just got defensive. Anyway, he is the type that thinks he can ask me things and think that I will fool around on him, but if I say things like that to him(just giving him a taste of him own medicine) he gets mad. And he will be the first to admit that it makes him mad. I know that if he didn't want me to do somthing, such as work away from home I wouldn't do it and he wouldn't want me to work away either. We will basically have 48 hours together every week. We actually lived like this when we first dated and we married. We did fine with this arrangement, but I've got used to him being at home. I trust him so that isn't an issue. He on the other hand fears that I will find someone else while he works off. I know that if I had those worries I would never move away and be away from my spouse all the time. Any comments?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.  Sometimes people think it's all about money, but he may just have to come to the realization that it's not, and that family and friends and life in general matter more.  What does his family think?  Does he listen to his mom or dad?  Try talking to them and see if they can talk some sense into him.  Go at it that your daughter needs to see him more while she's still around before she moves out/goes to college.

Answer 2

If you both can be content in these circumstances then I would say try it out for a little while if it helps with income for the family.

But Ive been in a 9yr relationship & we were strong but had to separate due to studies 8mths ago - we didnt make it - any little insecurities we had came to the surface & really festered while apart.  Im hoping when I see him we can find a way to resolve this but a lot of damage has been done so its hard to know.  I can tell you I never really saw this coming especially cos he was so supportive of it to begin with.  

So life can be unpredictable & challenging I can tell you.  

If he is feeling insecure about you playing about or meeting someone then he needs to deal with those issues asap esp whilst he is going to be away; & your loneliness & loss of companion needs to be dealt with too asap.  Put your cards on the table & be honest!  Believe me life (just life in general) happenings can drive you apart despite the love there - esp.  if you are apart.  If you both really want to make this relationship work I suggest you both be 100% honest with each other now & find a way to be together to live a normal healthy relationship.  Or a year of him going away & coming home on weekends could be the end of both of you .... especially if you are both not content with circumstances right now.  

And your little girls needs to be considered too.  

I think your husband needs to find a way to get a job back home to be with you all so you may have a healthy happy functioning relationship.  Or otherwise you just may not make it.

I used to believe long distance can really work if you want it to.  But I think long distance often dont survive cos one may be as strong as the other ... its only when you really do the long distance that you find out if your love can survive it.  Looking back, I just wish we didnt test our love like this but we didnt have much choice.  It sure would have helped if we were more honest about our feelings in the beginning of separation - any insecurities etc ... - rather than nod the head & say we will be strong.  When apart you cant reassure each other physically.  

70% of communication is non-verbal - I read somewhere that long distance doesnt survice cos all non-verbal communication is not there hence communication breaks down.  I know this is a big factor in why we didnt make it.  

You see each other on the weekends I know ... but its the little daily things that makes a relationship real & special.  

Hope you can have a good talk with him & find a way to be together asap & not apart.  Good luck.  

Answer 3

That really sucks.

she should have put he's family  first.

if he doesnt stop this and quit this job or get transfered, eventually this family will apart.

Answer 4

I can relate to your situation, at least sort of. My husband is away often as well and the last three months we saw each other only at the weekends and that only a few hours at a time. Before that he was home with me for almost three years straight (he was gone a few weeks here and there) and I was so used to having him around.

But, we took each other's presence for granted and during our separations during the week we realized how silly some of our arguments were and we appreciate each other more now.

I agree that is seems a little odd that he would take the job though he is concerned about your faithfulness. Military spouses and service members alike have the reputation of looking elsewhere so it is not uncommon for even stable relationships to doubt. I don't think he truly distrusts you; it is just this 'but, what if' idea that is nagging in his mind. Perhaps a coworker has experienced this scenario ... there are many different - innocent- reasons why he says the things he says.

Otherwise, I think you are going to be OK since you have your own career, family, friends, and activities. This will not go on forever and by taking this job opportunity another one, a better one, may open up sometime in the future.  

Answer 5

At least he has a job. In this economy, you should be grateful he has a good job and his company wants to keep him enough to put him somewhere. They could have laid him off, after all.

Resolve to be content in all circumstances. It will all work out.