How should I make sure my fiancee would forget his previous girlfriend after marriage?

Question

Hi, I recently got engaged and getting married after few months . My fiancee just told me that he was in love with a girl but it didn't work out due to some reason and he had to leave her. Now he feels guilty about leaving her but at the same time he wants to work out every thing with me and tells me that he will forget her as time passes.We have been engaged for few months now and he is not able to forget her till now.How do I make sure he will forget her and there will not be any related problem after marriage?

Answer 1

You write:  How should I make sure my fiance would forget his previous girlfriend after marriage?

By not marrying him until you are sure he is over her . . . and totally in love with you.

Just because you love him does NOT necessarily mean he is good marriage material.  If his heart still belongs to another, you should not be marrying this man.

Sounds like he found you while he was on the rebound . . . and rebound relationships rarely last long term.  If on the rebound, he is not a good marriage risk.  You need to rethink this engagement . . . or at the very least, postpone any wedding plans.

Answer 2

Lots of people have unresolved realationships, but if it's that serious, he shouldn't be proposing, so at least he's being honest, and really there's nothing you can do to make him "forget" her.

Answer 3

Tell him to read this guide: It will help with your marriage: http://oork.com/ab76x

Answer 4

You've asked this question a lot. Before, you said that he was forced to give her up for religious reasons. I guess no one's telling you what you want to hear, huh? Let's make this clear...

YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM FORGET HER. She will be forever in his memory as the love that he lost.

THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN DO IS TO BE THE NEW LOVE THAT HE HAS FOUND. There may be problems, who knows? But that's up to you. You've got to talk to him about this. But, if you fail to LISTEN to him the way you fail to listen to the answers you've gotten on this site, your marriage is headed for disaster!

Answer 5

Then I would wait another year, then ask him if he is still in love with her.  I personally, after the experience I've had, would leave NOW.  You can't make sure he will forget her.  When it comes to human emotions, there are no guarantees.

Answer 6

To start with, congratulations on your engagement! I love being married and I'm sure you will, too. My first thought upon reading your question is that you, personally, can't make him forget his girlfriend.  As much as we may try, we have no control over our husbands brains! ;)   It is a bit of a concern if he is still pining over this girlfriend.  I am a straight forward kind of person and I learned very early on in my marriage that if something was bothering me, it was up to me to ask because husbands aren't great at picking up signs. So..... ask him if he is sure that he is over this girl. I, personally, wouldn't want to share his heart with another girl. It may be too soon for you to get married.  I would certainly suggest waiting until he has these feelings worked out before you get married- so he doesn't decide to figure them out after you get married.  My husband had to propose to me three times before I said yes. Why? Because I wanted to make sure that my past was behind me, that feelings for my ex weren't going to creep back up. But, when I said yes, I was positive!!!!

You probably don't want to hear all this, and I'm sorry for being so blunt. But, marriage can be difficult enough without any unnecessary drama.  Let him know how much you love him and that you support him 100%. Ask him if there is anything you can do to help. Communication is key. Wow, sorry, cheese factor there.  But seriously, talk to him about it, be supportive. But work it out now, before either of you say "I do". Congrats again and  best of luck!!!

Answer 7

Marriage isn't going to solve this. (It's as bad as having a baby to try to save a marriage - it just doesn't work.)

You need to not be engaged right now. If you want to stay with him (just dating), fine, but I think he needs some space to figure things out. I hope the two of you aren't living together, because that is just going to push this towards the inevitable conclusion of marriage. I would take a month or two and take a break. Give each other some time and space. If you are afraid to do this because he might leave you - well, it's better to find out now instead of going through with a marriage that is a sham.

Answer 8

There isn't anything you can do aside from being supportive, loving and understanding. He is probably struggling with this a lot and wants nothing more than to put the past behind him, but this is not something you can do for him, he needs to do this himself.

Therapy might be an option for him.

Our pasts are apart of us. They are our own personal history. Forgetting her may not be the correct idea, but he does need to "let go" of her. We shouldn't forget our history's, our past because this makes us who we are as people.

Answer 9

You should get counseling immediately before you get married to someone who isn't 100% sure.  After that, you may decide to go ahead with, postpone or cancel the wedding, but you need to make sure it's the right thing.

Answer 10

You shouldn't have to make him forget her. She is an ex and that should be a past experience. If that is the situation then I wouldn't marry him. He needs to be 100% sure he wants to be with you and not dwell on the past.

Answer 11

Keep him well loved, well fed, well f**ked, and tired.

Answer 12

Open, honest, conversation.

The fact is, we rarely forget the people who have come and gone in our lives. We just carry on

"There are people in your life who've come and gone

They let you down and hurt your pride

Better put it all behind you; life goes on

You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside"

-Don Henley "Heart of the Matter"

Answer 13

I'm sorry to say this but this isn't in your control.

It doesn't sound like he's very old. I'd guess at most he's 25years old, probably not even 23?

Take your time with the engagement and make sure he knows and is fully committed to you before you set the date for the wedding.

Always treat him with utmost respect and love and expect nothing less. If he doesn't give this back to you then you're best to know now.

Wish you all the best.

Answer 14

You can't make him forget her and if he proposed to you while feeling guilty and in love with another girl, then I don't see how he can truly love you and be commited to you. I think you need to either leave him completly or postpone the wedding for another year. You cant make him forget her.

Answer 15

You can still  call it off. You can also take this as the first major challenge of your commitment.

Answer 16

He will not forget her that is physically impossible, She is part of his life. Both my SO and I have an ex (both lived together with the exes) and thus we cannot forget that part of life. I have also had previous bf's and all they are now are memories. Some I remember fondly some not so fondly but memories they remain. I could not, nor would want to forget them That part of my life as made me who I am today.

As for not causing problems If she is still part of him and he is comparing you to her or if he is talking about her in a way other than explanatory it is a red flag.

Answer 17

I am a very realistic person,  it is very hard to forget a previous "love". It will be in his mind as a great thing to forget. If this is bothering you now, Imagine after marriage, it will become an obsesion, a torture, How can you control his mind, his emotions, his fantasies,

You have no control of his memories.

be realistic.

Answer 18

just so you know, he is not remotely ready to be engaged to you.  i wouldnt be buying any wedding dresses.  he is still involved with her in his head.  beware.  he may be using you to get over her.  it wont work  just beware of this kind of thing.

Answer 19

You can do absolutely nothing.  If he truly loves you, he will forget her.  He should have never proposed to you if he has feelings for this other girl. Hopefully he didn't propose to you thinking that it would make him forget about her or so she would ger jealous and contact him.  Good luck, if you think that he truly loves you and wants to marry you, you can do nothing but marry him and let time pass.

Answer 20

If he still has feelings for someone else i wouldnt marry him, you deserve better, or wait a long while,

doesnt sound like your marriage would be off to a good start, ya know?

Answer 21

You cannot make anyone forget. It is a simple fact. Even after thirty years later, I still think of a girlfriend I used to know.

Answer 22

This is a bit of a touchy situation because you really have no control over the problem.  What concerns me about your post is that you mention that your fiance just told you about this other girl...if you are engaged you should have already known about the previous serious relationships.  

I'm not saying that he should forget someone that he had a relationship with, but I just find it a little odd that you weren't aware of his feelings for his ex until now.  

I think your only plan of action is that you have open honest communication, and perhaps you might consider talking with a counselor prior to walking down the aisle.

Best of luck!

Answer 23

When this kind of thing happens, it really makes the current relationship a 50/50 win-loose type thing. You guys possibly can break up because of this. If a person loves someone, they can't hardly think or another. I don't think he is fully committed to you. It sounds like this is going to take a toll on your whole lives together if you make it that long. He is not over this girl, it's not that he feels bad...he still loves her. It's very, very good that he was upfront and honest with you. But just realize that he just may need some time apart to figure it out. What would you do if later in life, he left you for her?

Answer 24

There is no way to "make sure", there's no magical way to make someone forget their past. Some part of him will always remember her - this is something you have to accept. The intensity of his memories will naturally fade as the time passes, but there's absolutely nothing you can do to speed up the process. Everybody has a past.

Answer 25

Short answer - you can't.  

The only thing that you can do is control your response to this knowledge.  

YOU need to decide if this is a 'deal breaker'.  If your  relationship together can not progress with you knowing this about your fiance, you need to cut him loose.  You will be eaten up inside with worry and concern, wondering if you can trust him, wondering if he is thinking about her, wondering if he is still in contact with her, wondering if he regrets leaving her.  He needs to deal with his guilt of this past broken relationship or it will spill over into his relationship with you.

Answer 26

You can't make sure he forgets. His past is his and there are some events and people in it that will always be a part of him. Your job as his fiance is not to help him erase the past but to encourage him to live in the present and  look forward to the future. As time moves on, will become only a distant memory. Stand by your man, support, and love him with all you've got. He may not ever forget, but he will love and appreciate the woman who loves and cares for him unconditionally..... you.

Answer 27

He will forget her as time passes? Are you sure that you aren't in a rebound relationship?  Maybe he just doesn't want to be alone.  Marriage should be forever.  You deserve better.  If he is still not over her that you have to worry about him at some point possibly going back with her.  He should be completely over her and I would not want to marry him if he was not completely over her.  I wouldn't want to marry him and I would either call of the engagement or I wouldn't marry him until you were 100% sure that he was over her.

Answer 28

We've all broken hearts before... often of people we love or once loved.  The truth is, it all happened for a reason.  Breakups don't happen because relationships are good.  Sounds to me like he's getting cold feet and reminiscing about his past before he makes a lifetime commitment.  This is trouble.  If he's not ready to make you his 100% focus now, as you are engaged, there's no reason to believe it will change when you're married.  Post pone the wedding until he can clear his head and figure out what he wants, because he can't have both of you in his mind when you are supposed to be the only woman in his heart.  Talk to him again, and if he can't give you this promise now (as opposed to later or with "time") then put your foot down and give him "time."

Answer 29

Make it so he has no contact with her. That's how my wife and I do it. I don't want her to have any contact with any of her ex's and she doesn't want me to have any contact with any of my ex's. Out of the respect we have for each other, we don't have contact with our ex's. It eliminates all unwanted drama.

Answer 30

Sorry dear but there is no way to make sure of this or anything else.  Life has no guarentees you roll the dice and take your chances and pray for the best results

From the sounds of this he is not over that past relationship and you should not marry him until he is a lot more over it than he is now.  You could be the rebound girl so you want to wait until his feelings are a lot more certain.

What I am telling you is thaty you have it backwards.  You wait until you are sure that he has gotten over that ex BEFORE you marry him.  He will never forget her.  No one ever forgets anyone they ever loved in any way.  You also need to wait until YOU are sure you are over his relationship or you will bring the seeds of destructive jealousy into your marriage.  This situation needs time to make itself clear and you would be wise to wait until it does.  Talk with your fiancee and get all these feelings and issues out on the table for discussion.  Good Luck

Answer 31

he wont ever forget her so to speak but if you two are engaged then there shouldn't be any uncertainty.  i mean my fiance and i both dated other people before each other and while we remember those relationships, neither one of us have any lasting feelings or any guilt about a breakup.  breakups happen and he needs to move on.  until he does i wouldnt marry him.  might not be what you want to hear but i wouldnt want to marry someone who is still stuck on an ex.  that is all she should be-an ex, nothing less and nothing more.  you need to have a serious conversation with him about the extent of these feelings.  you would hate for him to feel like he has to act on this guilt of leaving her. also is she still a part of his life?  if so that could be a problem.  some people can be friends with their exes and some cant it just depends on the person.  good luck with this cause it really is a tough situation.  but the bottom line is you are the one he is engaged to and you are where his loyalty should lie.