How should I tell my VERY religious parents I am pregnant?

Question

A little background on my family...

My parents are VERY religious. My dad is a deacon at the church and my mom teaches bible school to children. They raised both my brother and I to go to church every Sunday and live a very Christian lifestyle. My whole family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...) are they same way. There has never been anyone in my family that has gotten pregnant outside of marriage and/or lived with a significant other before marriage. They believe those kinds of things are very wrong.

Well when I was 15 they walked in on me and my boyfriend at the time having s*x. My dad was so furious that he grabbed the guy by the collar and literally threw him out the door and told him he would never see me again. He even threatened to his gun (he used to be a cop). My mom yelled at me for almost an hour and grounded me for a looooong time. The guy and I did end up eventually breaking up.

Fast forwarding... I am 22 and graduated from college this past May. My parents paid for my college and financially helped me throughout school. They were very supportive and of course always want the best for me. But the problem is... I took 3 pregnancy tests a few days ago and 1 today and they all said positive. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and were actually engaged for a year but called it off earlier this year because we decided we were rushing into a wedding. My parents don't like him because he didn't finish college and his family life is very broken. He also did something a few months ago that hurt me pretty badly emotionally and I was stupid enough to tell my parents about it because I was so mad at him. I regret that now... His family is pretty much the exact opposite of mine (everyone is divorced and many kids have been born outside of marriage). I live by myself and have a full time job. I am just so scared to tell them. I am hoping to get a doctor's appointment sometime this week and find out for 100% certain I am pregnant, but if I am... I don't even want to think about their reaction. My boyfriend and I are very excited but the thing from keeping me from being as excited as I should be is my family. Everyone I am related to will be so disappointed. Any advice?

Answer 1

Your more than likely pregnant first off with that many tests.

Secondly have you told you boyfriend/ex that may give him incentive to turn his life around.

Third it sounds like your parents are very judgmental and I think given what they do they should be a little more open. Anyway they will be angry but I believe they will forgive you and love both you and the baby. DON'T hide it from them. I did that when I got pregnant and my dad was heartbroken that he was the last to know

Answer 2

your a grown woman and you have every right to do whatever you want to do! Just tell them you and your man seem happy and things seem to be working out for you all! You plan on marrying this man it should be no big deal.  Your parents should support you and back you in everything you do no matter how relgious they are!! Congrats and good luck!!

Answer 3

Congrats ...I just took 3 tests on Saturday  and all three where positive .I am like you I don't want to tell my family for a few reasons .My family lies my bf he's been my b/f for 7 years but we aren't married ...my moms side wont mind but my dads they might ....but who cares right??? Keep the bliss a bit longer and don't tell anyone :)  

P.s . your bf doesn't sound like he deserves someone lie you.

Answer 4

Your 22 your an adult. you live on your own. it doesnt matter what they say you can make your own choices. just because your not married doesn't mean that the baby wont have a good life. religion is overrated

Answer 5

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You're going to he have a baby.  A new little angel.  Wow!  Good for you.

I know the religious family bit, and hey it has its up and downs, but the bottom line is that you're an adult (thank God it happened now when you're 22 and not back when you were 15) and that your parents aren't perfect.  Guess, what?  They were even less perfect when they were younger too.

They are NOT going to be disappointed in YOU.  They are going to be disappointed that the actions and consequences you are dealing with doesn't fit into what they think you're life should be like.  Most parents give their kids this feeling with everything from work to hobbies to marriage to child raising to the way they dress.  Think of it as warped love.  They really do want what is best for you, but they also think they know what is best for you <sigh> it sucks, but a way of life for most.

Besides, they're extremely naive if they don't think you're having s*x already.  If they caught you at 15 then well chances are pretty much 100% that you weren't going to stop and wait until you got married after that.

If you cannot bare the idea of talking to them I highly suggest write them a love letter.  Here's the formula:

How to Write a Letter to get your feelings out while still letting them know you care.  FOllowing is how to write the body of the letter in paragraphs.  This will make you feel better ANYTIME you have something emotional to get across.



1. Anger  (this may or may not be a necesarry section for you right now)



2.Sadness  (let them now you're sad b/c you don't want this to hurt your relationship with them.  That you love them, but now are sad b/c you feel you may be pushed away)



3.  Fear (tell them you are scared of losing their love, support, and respect.  Tell them you are scared that they are going to outcast you from the family and that you will not be welcome with them anymore since you had a child out of wed lock.  Let them know you are scared they are going to be disappointed in you and that crushes you.)



4. Regret  (let them know any regrets you have... being disobedient growing up, etc.  That you never told them how much you loved them etc)



5. Love (let them know you love them and that you are ever so grateful for the wonderful family life you got growing up.  Tell them that you know God blessed you with them as parents and that you wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.  If you have a cool story or memory this would be a great place to share it.. ALL LOVE here.  Also let them know that you love the baby)



if needed



6. I need...  (if you need something from them please put it in here with love.  ie, I really need to know that you still love me.  I need your emotional support right now and understanding that even though you may think I messed up , I am a good kid, and am trying to do the right things.  I need to know that I am still welcome with the familyetc... you get the idea)

This is really an amazing tool even if you don't give it to them.  In your case though I probably would.  You would be surprised how much it will soften them up.  Sure they may still be upset, but they do love you and they will adore this baby.

Once they get over the fact you're not a virgin, and they will, they will probably surprise you with how much love they will show your baby.  When that baby gets here it's their grandkid and nothing melts a person's heart like a grand baby!

You'll be surprised too.  Some of these people who you think "will be disappointed in you" will probably be the most supportive people in your life right now.

I know it is terrifying, but you can do it!!!

Good Luck and seriously CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Answer 6

just tell themm.

Answer 7

This is a tough one to call, personally, if you are or aren't i guess, as religious as the rest of your family I would suggest taking the religious route on this one (easier for them to accept it).

I guess the best thing would be to just sit your parents down and tell them the truth. Then tell them you know that it wasn't what they taught you, and you are really sorry, but it is what it is. You could also mention that a baby is God's miracle. Also, it sounds like you aren't going to have an abortion, so tell your parents that you are keeping the baby, as God intended.Then leave it at that, basically no room for questions. Then they can decide on how to tell the rest of the family.

And about your boyfriend/fiance, if you are seriously in love with him, ask your family to accept him, and let him be exposed to a strong complete family, maybe it will help him become a stronger individual.

I hope this helps...good luck with everything.  

Answer 8

If your parents are such hardcore Christians they shouldn't being judging and not liking your boyfriend for not finishing college. On another note, just tell them. Don't beat around the bush. You are old enough and they will get over it. It's 2008 now there is a ton or s*x before marriage. Since your parents are such Christians they should forgive you and get the h**l over it. You're 22 now they'll just have to accept it. Sorry if I kinda sounded rude, not trying to be mean.

Answer 9

your family needs to wake up and look around themselves, and see how the world is in todays reality.

perhaps through this experience your family will surprise you with their support and understanding, give them some credit, they must be aware that you are an independent adult who can and does make her own choices.

they love you dearly, and will love your child also.

go to them and tell him face to face, and prepare yourself for possible reactions - they may hug you for hours on end, may need time to think, may cry, may take you baby shopping.. anything could happen.

you and your boyfriend are starting your own family now, it is up to you both how you work your family, remind your parents of this should they try to be bossy.

Answer 10

"Mom/Dad, look what "God' gave me..."?

Answer 11

Ok,first off Im Becca. I went through some of the same things you have. Both my parents are very religious and I was raised up the same way. When I was 15 my mom found out I was having s*x and it broke thier heart,they were so angry. When I was 17,I got pregnant by my boyfriend who was in his 20's and already had 1 child. They didn't think I should be going out with him either,he came from a messed up home,had tattoos,earings,tongue ring,smoked,did all kinds of stuff they disagreed with! I thought they would dis-own me and put him in jail! But they didn't......I called my mom crying because it was so emotional for me,and I told her everything. I told her the truth. She told me she loved me and offered her help in any way she could! I was shocked! But your parents obviously love you and wanted the best for you is all. And it will probably upset them at first,but if they were anything like mine,they will accept it and be thankfull that you told them the truth. And when that baby gets here,it will loved by the both of them unconditionally and probably be so spoiled by them that you get ill with them,lol! My parents were upset in the beginning,but now the baby is all they seem to talk about =)

By the way,my boyfriend who got me pregnant...well we have been married for 3 years now and are expecting our second baby girl. We have struggled and we have went through some ruff times,but our love has kept us together. And Im am hoping and praying that things work out for you and your family-to-be. God Bless!

Answer 12

preted it is adopted i am a doctr