How should a 20 year old behave?

Question

I admit I'm a little lost, and I'm not sure where I should ask this, but I just can't find any information anywhere.

What I want to know is what a 20 year old should act like, maturity-wise. I mean, what is expected? I ask this both for myself and for my same-age SO.

I'm wondering because every once in a while my mom talks about how my SO isn't mature enough, and she says "he's looking for another mother" and I'll "end up in a parent-child relationship". I have no perspective, so I can't tell if she's right, or if she's being silly.

Background:

C. (my SO) is 20. He doesn't have a job, but everyone I know between 17 and 25 is looking for a job, and no one has one (the economy around here isn't too good). Also, His grandfather died a long time ago, so he's had a trust fund since he was born, so it's not like he needs one.

He was going to college, but he stopped when he discovered he really didn't know where he was going with his life. He took 2 quarters off, and now is registered for classes in the fall.

Additionally, his mom just died about a month ago, after discovering pancreatic and liver cancer in April.

He does spend a lot of time playing computer games (something which I dislike), and I consider that immature, but he has had a lot of stress lately, so maybe that's ok?

I'm going to college 6 hours away, but during the last two summers and winter break, we've lived together in apartments, and he just inherited his mom's house (his parents divorced when he was 2). The only time when I worry about his maturity is after my mom has brought it up.

As for me, I'll be graduating with a B.S. in biology this spring, and Fall is my last semester of classes. I couldn't find a job this summer (did last, and I was employed during the school year...I'm not rich), so I did yard work for people. I'm going to take 2 years off before I head off to grad school, for 2 reasons. One, I'm pretty sick of school, and apartments, and not-real-life, and two, so C. can get his welding degree and then fallow me to my grad school.

So, people, do we/I/he sound immature? What advise to you have?

Answer 1

some people may get angry at me, but unless this guy is god or has any serious plans in the future, you should move on. Sounds like a dead weight, maybe you should be friends for a while.  

Answer 2

I think you sound like you have a good, sound, head on your shoulders.  You are almost done with school, and plan to continue which shows determination.  I would not take 2 years off.  It is harder to go back, and while you are taking those two years you will have to be working to pay bills, student loans etc.  Trust me, the "real world" is not fun and glamorous.  There are all sorts of bills that come with not being in an apartment, plus my biggest concern is that you will finish school, not search diligently for a job, settle into the role of "susie homemaker" for your boyfriend, end up pregnant and never finishing your dream of going to grad school.

"C" however does not seem to have a good head on his shoulder.  It sounds as though he has been dealt a rough hand, and who can blame him for being stressed out?  But, that does not excuse living off of inheritance and playing video games 24/7.  I understand not wanting to continue paying for college and not knowing what you want to do, but if he has since decided he wants to go for welding, why doesn't he instead of waiting for you to graduate and take time off?  You said he does not work, so instead of sitting around at home, he should be out taking classes.  

If he has 2 years, and you have 1 more for a BS and then 2 for Grad school he would actually finish before you, provided he starts now, and you don't take time off.  You will both be done with school around the same time, and ready to enter the "real world" together.

I'm sorry, but I am going to have to agree with your mom (I know I'm getting older when I find myself agreeing with parents) on this one.  You are doing everything you should to make a good life for yourself, while he is content to sit around and waste his life.  Not having to work should be a reason for him to get out and get done with school, not an excuse to be able to sit around doing nothing.

6 hours is quite a way from your boyfriend, however my hubby and I were 16 hours away.  Where there is a will there is a way.  He shouldn't "follow" you to grad school.  He should do his thing, you yours, and focus on that.  There is plenty of time when you are done with school to focus on each other and the "real world" but until then you both need to get done with school and focus on being a "kid" because once you are out of school and on your own you'll realize classes and apartments weren't so bad, especially when you are both working with advanced degrees making good money to supplement the trust rather than live off of it.

Answer 3

I am 20 and so is my fiance and we sound pretty much just like you guys.  I think it is fine.  I would say your mother doesn't want you rushing into anything too serious right now.  Some parents are like that.  I was lucky and my parents support my fiance and I getting engaged and everything.  Just take what she says with a grain of salt and live your life the way you want to live it.  It sounds like you two have a pretty good plan.

Answer 4

he sounds pretty immature. I mean he  is around playing twelve years old games because he's sad. You sound ok because 20 years old people are about what you sould like

Answer 5

you sound very mature, give your boyfriend a break he just lost  his mom.Tell mom if you lost her you probably would also play a lot of video games to hide your pain.Remember girl your in the game of life and love concurs all things and there not all material things.

Answer 6

i'll just say mature,

this is quite long!

Answer 7

well first off sounds like you and your mom need to sit down and talk about where you want your relationship with the guy to go. it  would be a good idea. and second. the guy has had a lot of hardships. he needs a break. that is what it sounds like to me. if i could let my man chill at home and i go off and work and go to school i would. he is not immature unless immaturity entails dealing with your feelings by finding a way to distract yourself. that is what i do. i am also 20 and i know what it is like to not really have anyone else. and it sucks. if you ever need advice let me know email me on yahoo or on myspace. my myspace is myspace.com/lynnew2006