How should expenses be spilt between a couple?

Question

My brother is getting married in a few months. His wedding is 8 hours away from where I currently live. I have invited my boyfriend of 3 years to join me there, and he has accepted. Now we are arguing over who should pay for what.

The expenses include:

Braidmaids dress alterations: $90

Suit: $250

Hotel room (2 nights): $250

Car rental: $125

Car rental insurance: $75

Gas: $250

Wedding gift: $300 ($150 per person)

Food: $50

Total: $1390

How should this be divided between a couple? My boyfriend doesn't want it to be 50/50 because it is my brother's wedding. He is willing to pay 25/75 on some things, but not others. He will not pay for the car & hotel because I would need to get anyway if he was not coming. However, he does want me to pay 75% of his suit, because he is getting one just for the wedding. I understand his point of this trip being for me and my family, so I suggested 25/75 for everything, however he will not budge. How would you deal with this money situation?

Answer 1

You just asked this.

We're the previous answers not good enough?

Its only been like an hour... Not much has changed 'round here since then.

I will copy and paste you my previous answer now...

B2B 5/1/2010!!

i'm sure you love your boyfriend and all, but he sounds like he needs to be dropped asap.

if he doesn't care about your family, then he is not a prospect for marriage, and there is no point in dating him...

i'm making the asumption that he doesn't care or else he'd gladly go 50/50 and possibly even more.

when my aunt got married (14 hours away from me)

my fiance paid ALL, plane tickets, dress, tux, hotel, car, gas, food, everything!

and i had only known him for 3 months at that time...

ps: my fiance isn't rich, that trip broke his bank and he even had to borrow money from his parents.

1 hour ago -

Answer 2

In truth? I’d be really thankful I found out someone was a cheapskate before things got any more serious.

You pay for any expense you’d have had anyway:

Braidmaids dress alterations: $90

Hotel room (2 nights): $250

Car rental: $125

Car rental insurance: $75 (Check with your credit card company before you pay this!)

Gas: $250

Wedding gift: $300 ($150 per person)

Split this however you want:

Suit: $250

Split this 50/05:

Food: $50

Answer 3

You each pay for anything having to do with clothing.  He may be buying to suit for the wedding but it will be his to use for other occasions.

Everything else should be split in half.  If he doesn't want to attend then leave him at home. Or else pay for him.  The choice is yours.

He sounds incredibly cheap.  Is he going to save the receipts for food if you get something that was $1 more expensive then what he got?

Answer 4

Well, I definitely think that there are certain things that should be split down the middle - the hotel, car rental, insurance, gas and food.

As for the bridesmaid dress alterations - that is something that you should definitely be paying for 100% out of your own pocket.

For his tux - does he have to rent a tux? Is he in the wedding? Why not wear something that he already has like a nice pair of black pants, a shirt, tie and jacket?

Why is the tux rental so expensive? My husband's tux rental for our own wedding was much less. Is it because he has to have the tux for a few days? Maybe he could rent the tux at another location closer to where the wedding is so it could be returned the next day. Might save a lot of money there.

If you are insisting that he get a tux instead of what he already has then that expense should fall on you.

For the wedding gift - just give what you can and don't sign his name...or maybe you could ask him to contribute $100.00 instead of $150.00 - that is a lot of money for a wedding. I've found that the average gift is $100.00.

You probably won't be able to find a cheaper car rental/gas - but is there anyway to find a cheaper hotel to stay in? $250.00 for 2 nights seems like a lot. I am sure you can find someplace for $89.00 a night...the Marriott and Triple AAA have some great deals.

It is your family's event, but he could still pitch in with many items. When I was dating my husband we went to Vegas for my friends wedding in which I was a bridesmaid. He helped me with the gas money, hotel and food expenses...but I did offer to pay for a lot of it since it was my friends event that we were attending...but he still offered. I think that your boyfriend should have at least offered. After all, you guys have been dating for 3 years. What happens if you guys get married? Are you still going to split your expenses the same way? Probably not...

Answer 5

You say you invited him to join you, so, basically, he's only responsible for his clothing and maybe the food he eats other than at the wedding.  Unless he was specifically invited by name on an invitation, and accepted, he's not responsible for even giving a gift - he's your guest, not an invitee.  If you both are in the habit of splitting costs on your dates, then that should be reasonably considered. If he wants to split the transportation fees or anything else, that would be nice and boyfriendly, but his suit is just that ... his suit.  He shouldn't have accepted your invitation if he didn't have the proper clothing or didn't want to get it -- unless, of course, you told him to get a new or specific one.  Do you expect him to pay for, or split the cost of a new outfit you decided you may need or want for a date you're going on with him?  Good Luck.

Answer 6

Ok you pay for the dress and he pays for the suit.

Then if he wants to eat he can pay half (otherwise he can starve). If he wants to stay with you in the hotel he can pay half (otherwise he can stay in a motel). If he wants to go to the place in the car he can pay half, otherwise let him take public transport. (Same goes for gas). If he wants to not seem cheap he can pay for half the gift, otherwise simply put 'Love you loving sister and sister in law, Mary''.

Answer 7

If you go alone, you will still have to pay for BM dress alterations, rental car, gas, hotel etc..... He should pay only the added expenses that his presence would incur (i.e. tux rental, half the gift and his share of food)

.

I stand by my answer, $400 should be his share

He should not be responsable to help you pay for the alterations on your dress. An invitation should be an invitation, not an invoice and you cannot impose a bill to someone if they do not agree with the terms.

Good luck

Answer 8

Hate to say it, but since you invited him, I think the bulk of the expenses are going to be yours. In my opinion, even if it's a serious relationship, it's rude to invite someone somewhere and then expect them to pay the bills. Unless you are married, or living together in a comitted relationship as though you were married, you can't expect to share expenses. It's fair for him to pay for his suit and his share of the food, and for part of the gift if he's putting his name on it, but the rest is all things you would have had to pay for anyway if you were going alone. It doesn't seem tactful to ask his help on the rest.

Answer 9

I find it kinda strange that after 3 years (pretty serious) this is an issue.  

Anyways, I think if he is only willing to pay 25% what else can you do?  You can't force him to pay more.  Sounds like if you want him to go with you as your date you might have to just pay the 75%.  I do think, however, that he should be responsible for buying his suit.  After all, he will most likely use it again in the future.

Answer 10

your boyfriend sounds like a real A-Whole.

But don't be upset, my boyfriend is the Biggest A-Whole of all, and I've been with him for 6 years, so I don't really think it matters how long you are with a guy they are always A-Wholes.  That being said, I think we should know some specifics.  Is it that your boyfriend makes minimal?  Do you make more then him?  Is he student?  Why is he being such a scrooge?  

I think if your boyfriend makes less then you, you should help him with some stuff.  But seriously, don't buy his suit.  Tough shizz dude if he does not want to fork over dough for his suit then just let him go in his metallica shirt and jeans, which from the picture you painted of him, I totally imagine him in.  

Shouldn't your brother be paying for your bridesmaid dress? And is your boyfriend even in the wedding? they should pay for his too.  if not, like I mentioned above, tough shizz.

We should get more details on the money situ though, just to be fair.

There are alot of missing details in this one- for example, I don't get the "inviting him" and him "accepting"- you would think that after 3 years him going with you would be a give-in, and accept or not, he's d**n well going with you!  what is the deal are you guys in a long distance relationship?

And again, remember I live with the King of all Awholes so please I mean no disrespect.

Answer 11

You pay for dress and suit separate and the rest should be split as he didn't HAVE to accept your invite.

The fact that he's making a big deal over this when you're in a relatively long term relationship is worrying.

It sounds harsh but is it too late to bring a friend instead as if there's an argument at this stage it'll foreshadow your enjoyment of the whole event.

Hugs and good luck

Answer 12

He should pay nothing if he is a guest.

Sorry, but if you invite a date it is your responsibility to foot the bill.  This is 2008, not 1908.

If he is not in the wedding, why does he need a tux?

Answer 13

this question was up earlier.  you pay for your dress, he pays for his tux and split the rest 50/50

Answer 14

Sorry, but I suggest you find another boyfriend.

Answer 15

Your bf is your guest. He looks after the cost of his own clothes - he can get a cheaper suit, or check secondhand shops (yes, sometimes they have new suits).

You look after all other expenses, hun....