How should i take this, and how do i not make it a fight?

Question

about a month ago, i got fired from my job... it was a business my fiance's parents used to own, then sold, keeping only one store for themselves.. the new owners fired me, as well as my fiance... so, due to my new found extra time, my fiance's parents decided to hire me to cover their store while everyone took a vacation, including my fiance and kids (which i already new i wasnt going, long story, not an issue, not part of the problem).. in anycase, i watched the store for 2 weeks (paid), and picked up my man and the kids last weekend.. now, i told him i would help him out, since his parents are still on vaca and they didnt want to shut down the store at all, so i told him i would help him out and watch the store a few hours a week for the days he has his kids, so he can spend time with them and for a couple hours during the day so he could go for a bike ride... no prob... but there has always been something else he has asked of me that makes me stay in the store longer - monday i told him i'd stay all day so he could get things back in order, since he just came back on sunday, and relax and get over his jet lag.. 11 hours - teusday, he needed to go get his kids at 2, so i came in at 12 with lunch for us, he left - he came back around 3 and i left to get some stuff from my house, came back at 4 - 4 hours - wednesday, he worked from 7-11, i came in, he left to go for a bike ride, and supposedly mow the lawn.. he came back around 5:30 so i could go home... 6.5 hours - yesterday, i came in at 11:30 so he could go get his kids and talk to their mother about a new custody agreement - i stayed till 6... today, i came in at 7am cause he had the kids overnight ... he asked me if i could stay till about 11:30 so he could go for a bike ride and go talk to one of the companies that contracts with us, then he'd be back i could leave for about and hour, then he had a meeting to go look at a couple businesses to buy for us.. now, again, i am ok with this because its for us, its not like he's just out farting around.. but then he gets here at 11 and says he has to go up to somewhere to buy something so he could build the bbq he wants to make on sunday.. but mindyou, this is not for us, its for his parents... and while i am ok with helping them every now and then, i am not getting paid for this, and his parents dont pay my car, rent, or insurance.. mine do.. and thats what i told him,... that i didnt mind helping, but i dont like woking for free all the time.. he said, "you're not working for free.. you might not be getting a paycheck, but you're not working for free." i said, "what do you mean by that?" he says, "dont worry about it.." now, he's never let me down before nor has he taken advantage of me.. i have been staying at his house (where he currently lives with his parents) for the last week and he feeds me and stuff, but i still do housework clena up and help care for the kids... so i dont see how that counts... what should i do or say? how do i ask him to explain better without him getting upset or thinking i am ungrateful? i just dont understand, feel a bit taken advantage of, but at the same time, i know that i wouldnt have anything else to be doing, and i know that a lot of what he is doing is for us, but a lot of it is for his parents too, and they dont pay my way... so what do i do w/o causing an argument?

Answer 1

Free room and board doesn't cover the hours you are putting in. Helping for an hour to two is different than the major hours you are working.

Of course, you set yourself up for this by your extremely generous offer. Even though you are getting free room and board for this week, you are still cooking, cleaning, and baby sitting, so it's not like a spa vacation. Don't allow him to brush you off with "don't worry about it" kind of stuff. Ask for some clarification on exactly what he means. If you don't feel comfortable doing this now, you are setting yourself up to be his maid and door mat for the future.

Beware of what you start...

Answer 2

Blah, blah blah,

Who pays for you car?  YOUR PARENTS

Who pays for your rent?

Your car insurance?

Your health insurance?

I would reccommend you to stop "helping" them out.

Start helping your parents out by getting a job that pays you money.

And rethink about being involved with a guy who has an ex, kids, and is a momma's boy.

Sounds to me like you are being used. Other wise, you'd have a ring on  your hand, you'd be living together, and you'd be receiving a paycheck or his money will be yours

Answer 3

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he or his family need to pay you.

This is one example where you cannot allow anything less than what you deserve.

Tell him to STOP treating you like his wife until he is man enough to make the commitment!

Answer 4

I think your boyfriend is taking advantage, why are you at the store all the time and not getting paid. I mean c'mon you have to support yourself. But you just said that you have nothing to do anyways so being at the store is not a problem, I just don't think you should be there 5-6 days a week with no pay. That's ridiculous..

Answer 5

Try and paraphrase. Good God.  

Answer 6

okay. so like om my gosh! totally! You  need to learn how to say no and get your own place.  He's taking advantage of you by what I read- and like i did read the whole thing, girl!  Next time try summarizing.  I don't normally talk in valley girl, but you sure set the mood.

Answer 7

I'm not going to read all this, but you are a door mat.  And no one can use you unless you allow it.... you allow it, and this pretty much will be the way your relationship will go with all of this drama if you buy into this.  And only you know if you need to be needed this much.

Answer 8

Why don't you see if his family will hire you. Then you'll have some income. They did ask you to help while they were on vacation. They obviously need help. Go for it.  

Answer 9

You and your husband are a team. You are helping him out by watching the store. If you dont' want to do it then don't do it. Slowly back off on helping him. Let him know you have some things to do, you are going to the gym, meeting a friend for lunch, etc. You teach people how to treat you. If you offer to help and then keep helping then he thinks you don't mind.  

Answer 10

You have helped out this far, continue until his parents come back. If you don't get a little something something for your troubles then don't ever put yourself out there again...

Answer 11

IF you can't share your feelings, then why want to share your life?

Answer 12

First of all, you should not complain about him helping his parents.  That will definitely cause an argument.  Just tell him that you need to be paid for these hours you are working or you will call the labor board for not paying you.  Oh, no, that would cause an argument.  Get a job!  A real one then you won't be able to work for free and you won't be sponging off your parents.

Answer 13

You both need to cut the apron strings and build a life and future on your own, living off parents is immuture stop playing house and grow up i aim this at him more than you.

Answer 14

You have to go to him in a way thats non-confrontational.  Just talk to him like: Baby, I got an issue I wanna talk with you about and then explain your side just as you've explained it to us.  It seems like he's got you working more hours than he is while he's running around going bike riding and having fun with the kids.  If that's not the issue with you, then cool.  But, you simply need to talk with him and let him know how you feel without negativity.  It's a hair subject based on the circumstances, but unfortunately, you may not be able to avoid this conversation turning a little sour.  Does he do nice things for you to show his appreciation?  If not, bring that up in a kind way.  No head shaking, rolling of the eyesand lip popping, twisting of the head and not point or hand jestures:):)  Just play it cool.