How should we handle this?

Question

My 11 year old told her friend she thought she was pregnant. (I guess to get attention) Her friend bought a home test, and was going to bring it to school, her father found it and freaked out then called us. I along with my husband took our kid to theier house to staighten this out. Apperently my kid made it up to get attention. She is in grade school, and hasn't even started her period and still plays with stuffed animals (to let you know her maturity level). As her parents we are involved in PTA, Softball coach & team mom, I'm home when she's home and we're here to assist with homework, we host parties and are members at church. So what kind of attention is she lacking??

I was terribly shocked that she would do something like this. To my knowledge, nobody else knows at her school. I told her rumors can be bad enough , why would she want to start on about herself? Should we disapline her?

Answer 1

Absolutely you should discipline her. Regardless of whether she is needing something, you have to make it clear that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Meanwhile, you can still investigate the root of this prank but still be a good parent.

Many discipline alternatives: grounding; ban from TV (video games, cd's, whatever is valued to her) for a period of time; make her do work around the house; if you have opportunity to have her work to help someone else (community service, elderly relative needs house cleaned, that kind of thing); make her write an essay on why it is bad to lie.

Answer 2

I don't know if this helps, and I hope I don't get too much negativity about it, but, I know from my own experience, my mother was involved in everything I did, she was a huge part of everything, team-mom, all that. She smothered everything that I did, maybe not the same situation with you, but my mother made everything that I did about her, and about how she was there and she helped me do it. She was like attached to me for the first 14 years of my life. It was so overwhelming. I would do anything I could to bring a different spotlight to myself, one that she didn't have any part of. Maybe your daughter(in her own 11 year old way) is trying to establish some sort of independence. I know this all sounds stupid, but it's true. The more you smother her, the more she will rebel later. Give her space. I don't think you should punish her, just talk to her and tell her what she did was wrong. She didn't hurt anyone, she's not even spreading rumors about others, it's about herself. Believe it or not, being on the PTA is not considered attention to an 11 year old. She doesn't understand why you are doing that, it probably doesn't mean anything to her. Try to spend more one and one with her, eliminate all the other people and expectations you both face with this jam-packed schedule. Good luck and I hope this helps!

Answer 3

not to be rude but i would whop her lil a s s

Answer 4

she needs a good sound spanking

Answer 5

At 11 years old girls are very perceptive of the world around them. She most likely saw a scenario like this in a movie or heard someone talk about pregnancy. She probably wanted to seem older or "cooler" to her friend by pretending she was pregnant to get more attention from her. You should try talking to her about pregnancy and what it means to have a child. Explain to her the consequences that rumors bring, specially when she is starting them herself. Don't be too rough on her though, she probably has no idea what a big deal saying you're pregnant is. "whooping her a s s" would be like punishing a puppy for peeing on the floor. Sure, it's wrong but she does not know that.

Answer 6

Of course you should, but not after talking it through with her, did you ask her why, maybe the  attention she is recieving is not what she needs? but you sound very involved in her life which is great as some parents can't even be bothered to ask their kids how school was....

Answer 7

she probably said it feel "accepted" by her friends.  If she is the last one of her friends to get her period,  she may just be trying to "show them" that she is as grown up as they are.  She may also have been accused of being a "goody two shoes'.  Or she could be a major drama queen in the making ( welcome to puberty).    I acted likethis when I was younger, and unfortunately it was because my Parents were not involved ( unlike you guys).  My mom was asingle mother who worked he butt off.  When I was 13, I announced that I was going to get pregnant.  She said to  me " well, there is really anything I can do to stop you"   She then arrange for me to "practice"  with a neighbors baby ( she had her baby at 16).    I had to spend the whole weekend taking care of that baby.   I realized after the first night, that this was not for me!!!!!  I waited until I was married, 25, and owned my own home before having my kids.  Other than punishing her for a lie ( if you guys do that), there is really nothing you can do to punish her.     Tell her  that what she did was serious and t hat it hurt many differnt people (give her examples).  You can have her write a letter of apology to each person she hurt ( including you and your husband).  This will teach her  that her actions affect others, and that somethings are just not funny.    Good luck

Answer 8

It sounds like you are a really good, concerned parent.  That is admirable.

It is understandable that children make things up to sound more interesting, but it's troubling that she thinks pregnancy (s*x) is a topic interesting enough for her to claim for herself.  She obviously isn't old enough to understand how devastating teen pregnancy really is.  I know because I had my first child at 15, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into- it was incredibly difficult.  You should explain what claiming to be pregnant implies about her, as well as the severity of the issue.  Anyway, you can't always control everything your children say and do, so don't blame yourself or let that reflect on your confidence as a mom.  I think she just needs a long talk.  Good luck!

Answer 9

Kids will say all kinds of things to their friends just to get a reaction.  Her body is going through changes even if she hasn't had her period yet and she may be experiencing feelings and emotions that are new to her.  Perhaps she is imagining what it might be like to be pregnant and is using her friend as a sounding board.  Kids do this a lot and it is nothing unusual.  Your daughter probably feels really embarassed by the whole event and disciplining her would only kick dirt in the wound.  Does your daughter understand that the "joke" was inappropriate and does she show remorse?  Talk to her.  If so, chalk it up to a silly mistake.  Make sure she knows that you are upset and an apology to all parties involved would be a good place to start in patching things up.  If this continues to happen however, you may have a problem that needs addressing further.  At this point, I'd put the whole event behind you and move on.

Answer 10

Have her babysit. Find someone with a baby, a friend perhaps..I would try for a baby around 3 or 4 months.. at that age they don't sleep all day and can be some what difficult to understand :) Be there to help of course but show her how much work it takes to have an infant. I don't think shes lacking attention from you..I think she may be lacking attention of friends at school..Maybe try getting to gather a small little sleep over for her..with big girl things..like staying up late..eating junk food...and some funny movies :)

Good luck

Answer 11

Is this a repeated behavior?  If this is the first time something like this has happened, then I think you have handled it well and nothing else needs to be done.  Maybe make her pay her friend back for the pregnancy test, as that is a natural consequence of her action.    Maybe she was feeling insecure.  Maybe the friend was acting all "Grown up" about something and your daughter just made something up to "Top" her.  Keep things in perspective.  She told a fib to a friend of hers.  She didn't do drugs, have s*x, sneak out of the house, lie to you or steal.

Answer 12

it sound to me like she is trying to invent some drama because her life is going so smoothly. this is normal it dosen't mean you are doing anything wrong. maybe she just wants her friends to think that her life has drama in it, because she thinks that would make her look cool

Answer 13

When I was a kid I lied a bit like that before.

Possibly her own life she considers mundane.  She may need more activities than just softball, especially on the weekends.  Bring a little more excitement into her life by taking her to the museum and introducing other exciting activities that only you and her do, or things you can do as a family that are fun and something to talk about. Rather than leaving her in a situation where she makes things up to be interesting.

Answer 14

My step daughter is the same age.  Wow, its a hard time.  I dont know what kind of disapline you would want to do? Something does need to be done.  Has she had a s*x education class? Does she feel she can come to you to ask you questions?  

You are right that it was not something to do to get attention.  Maybe she needs to take care of a baby to see its not something to fool around with or joke about.  Maybe she wants to grow up to fast, like a lot of kids.   I wish you the best.