How should we proceed with adoption? Is advertising weird?

Question

We are a family of 5 (three girls) and we would love to adopt a little boy (or girl if it happened that way) or twins. We have looked into using an agency, but it is just too far out of our means. We can easily afford to financially care for another child, but we would be hard pressed to pay more than 5k in adoption fees. What is our next step? We are hoping that our friends and family will just happen to connect with someone who is choosing adoption and it will somehow work out. (Yes, we know that is a long shot, which is why I am asking here! But a friend did adopt this way....)

So, does advertising work? IF you were going to use adoption, would you consider contacting someone who had put an ad in the paper or on the internet?

Answer 1

thats not what you should be asking yourself. What you should be asking yourself is, if you were an adoptee, how would it feel to know that your parents legally surrendered you to some strangers in the newspaper? What would that make you feel like? how would that effect your well being, your self confidence and self value? Who is the adoptee in all of this? and what are his/her best interests, and how will every single step effect him/her. What is the ETHICAL thing to do?

in the United States, just because its legal, doesn't mean its ethical, please consider that going into adoption. And also consider that adoptees grow up, we have feelings, and also consider what was done to us ethically or not.

Answer 2

You don't need to advertise. Just tell everyone you know and get the word out. Also meet with an adoption attorney. It's a good way to connect directly with bmoms because in many cases they also turn to adoption attorneys seeking aparents. Find some counseling because when the time comes all of you will need it.

Answer 3

Is it actually LEGAL to adopt a child through advertisement?  Assuming you living in the U.S., the process that is legal and free is to go through your department of social services.  In my state the agency is called the Department of Children & Families (DCF.)  I've heard it in other places as DCS, not sure what the letters stand for in that case, maybe Dept. of Children's Services?  

Going through this process in my state is somewhat time consuming and bogged down by paperwork, but considering what is at stake, it is completely reasonable.  DCF requires potential adoptive families to attend classes that are designed to make sure you really know what you are getting into, and to make sure you really want to go through with it.  They will also use the time with you to sort of gauge your seriousness.  There will be a home study and, of course, a background check.  

There is also a federal agency

http://www.adoptuskids.org/

Going through them brings you to your local social services department, but the cool thing about this website is that you can actually see photos & biographies of the kids that are waiting for families.  It does seem sort of like shopping, but on the other hand, seeing real kids really tears at your heartstrings and makes you want to help so much more.

Answer 4

If you were in a desparate position with an unplanned pregnancy would you want people marketing themselves to you?

Don't do it, go through the foster system.

Yes, advertising works otherwise the advertising and adoption industries wouldn't be making billions of dollars every year.

Answer 5

Please do not advertise on the internet - it's tacky - and as an adoptee - makes me feel like a commodity.

You should look at foster-adopt - and truly help a child that really needs a home - instead of trying to get a child off a mother that could parent if she were just given encouragement.

I believe foster-adopt is a far less in costs.

Read up on the real affects of adoption of adoptees -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Relinquishing mothers -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Books about the other side (not often publicized about adoption -

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

Being fully aware of the loss in adoption will take you a long way into fully understanding what an adoptee has to live through.

Answer 6

I don't know where you live, but I know in the Seattle area there is a church that provides an affordable adoption option. They only charge the processing fees. This way, the adoptive parents don't have to pay an arm and a leg to adopt a child.

But because they don't profit from the adoption, I believe the church is very selective with where they place children.

Dig deep into your options in your area! Not every one is looking to make a quick buck on desperate families!

Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't really like the idea of using advertising either.

It's my suggestion to go with the foster to adopt idea instead.

Oh, and just to update what Deanna wrote - Catholic Social Services no longer provides adoption services because of their religious beliefs on adopting to homosexual couples.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I've heard of people taking out adds in the newspaper and sending out letters to family and friends letting them know that their looking to adopt.

Have you looked into fostering?

Answer 9

Look in your community for a Catholic or Lutheren Social Services.  They do adoption and they are wonderful.  You don't have to be of a specific religion and they don't shove anything down your throat.  They are just there to help.  I gave my son up in an open adoption through Catholic Social Services and they were wonderful.

Answer 10

We adopted our son through DCFS in Los Angeles County. There were virtually no costs (other than fingerprinting and getting our home up to code for foster care). Our son was placed with us as a fost-adopt placement. We weren't interested in fostering only, we wanted to adopt the child we brought into our home. It was a long process but totally worth it! Our son was 2-1/2 when we brought him home. You aren't likely to have an infant placed with you if you go through DCFS in your state unless there is a baby who is part of a sibling group. Siblings are generally not separated.

Answer 11

I definitely don't think that Y!A is the place to try to solicit an adoption possibility.  Agencies are there for a reason and there are reasons why it costs so much.  Do you have any idea how much the legal fees alone cost?  How about if the agnecy has to pay the birth mother's medical expenses?  That is all factored in to their fees.  In a lot of states, even if you adopt privately, you can be expected to pay the birth mother's medical costs and all of the legal fees surrounding the adoption.  Agencies are there to protect everyone.

In your situation, I would recommend foster/adopt through your state social services.  You don't have to pay them anything and the legal fees are minimal.  You already have 3 beautiful daughters, so think about adopting an older child who really needs a home rather than an infant.  This is where you could do the most good.  Adoption isn't supposed to be about "buying" a baby.  It's about doing the right thing for a child and giving them a better life.  There are a lot of issues involved, so be ready!  Educate yourself on adoption and the effects it has on EVERYONE involved before you decide to go that route.