How strict is too strict? What are the limits when it comes to preschoolers?

Question

We all know the slack parents, and well all know the really strict ones. Where is the middle ground? How much is too much? For example.....I have a friend that is SUPER strict with her almost three year old child. The child seems to just go quiet and ignore her now when she disciplines and I think she goes overboard with it. I believe in running a tight ship, but you have to draw the line somewhere. What are your rules and discipline tactics for the under 5 crowd? Just wanted to know what others think. FYI when I say she is overboard if her child doesnt mind her she either spanks and time out or she spanks and takes away toys for say a few days. Sometimes she bans the child from playing....I think the child is too young for this type of punishment....and her child is starting to rebel with rash behaviors and the child isnt even three yet.....ANY THOUGHTS?

Answer 1

I totally agree with the poster with the 5 kids!!!

you go girl!!

if we raise our expectations on out childrens behavior then we will get it!!

Answer 2

In my house we will give two warnings followed by a visit to the corner (our version of time out) for two minutes if my son is misbehaving ( the two year old).  I think the punishment should be based on the child's comprehension of what is expected and how well he or she can communicate.  Taking toys away in our house would not be effective and we use this type of punishment for our older child.  I am not totally aginst spanking but can think of very few occasions that I have had to resort to that.

Answer 3

We are a pretty strict with our kids, too.  I guess some examples of this are we don't allow our children to throw a temper tantrum...ever for any reason.  In fact, I can't really remember any of our kids ever having one.  Not because they are perfect little angels (they're not!), but because from  the earliest they can remember, they've never been allowed.  Even as a baby we would correct it just as soon as they started to arch their little back in defiance.

We also make our children stand right beside us in the store or at the mall.  They are never allowed to walk away from us to go check out something they see unless they ask.  They can not touch things in stores either unless they ask.

We don't allow our children to ask for everything they see.  You know, "Mommy, can I have this", "Mommy, can I have that"...we don't allow it.

They are not allowed to climb and stand on our furniture, they aren't allowed to argue and fight with one another or say anything hateful to each other.  

If our little one's are doing something we don't want them to, we usually handle it by saying (for example), "No, you may not have that candy and do not ask me for another thing."  They don't ask after that because they know that direct disobedience in our house will earn them a spanking.

Usually we give our children one warning.  If they disobey after that, they get a spanking.  

There are exceptions. For example if I tell my 4 year old son (who is very impulsive) not to ask for another thing in the store, and then out of his excitement he does ask again, I will take into consideration that he was excited.  Maybe the conversation would go something like this;

"Mommy can I have that candy?"  "I told you not to ask me again".  I see the look in his eyes as he realizes he just messed up. I say to him, "Why did you ask me again after I told you not to"  "I forgot".  If I can see that he really did forget and I know it is because he is an impulsive 4 year old, I will say something like, "Do not forget again, and do not ask me again or you will get a spanking".

This is call being merciful in our strictness.  God is so mmerciful to all of us, we would be displeasing to Him if we did not show some  mercy to our own children sometimes. I know it wasn't deliberate disobedience so I don't spank him.  But now if my 8 year old tries the "I forgot" thing , I would be less forgiving because he is mature enough to choose to remember the rules and follow them, or allow himself to 'forget' them and get in trouble.

Here are some examples of things our little ones ARE allowed to do:

They are allowed to make a mistake and forget sometimes what a rule is.  They are allowed to be tired and cranky without screaming and having tantrums.  They are allowed to cry in my arms after they've been disciplined so I can hug them and tell them how much I love them.  

So as you can see, we are strict, also, but we love them and treat them with respect and kindness and we have a loving relationship with them.

This is how my husband and I have parented our five children and so far, it has proven to be effective at bringing up respectful, obedient, happy little people.

Answer 4

Gah, I think it depends on the personality of the child and how naughty they are. I mean, I've seen some children who were born obedient, and they listen to everything their parents say, even when they were are very, very little. My niece, for instance, is one of those kids. She cries if she does anything wrong, like if my sister tells her to stop doing something. But she just never, ever gets into trouble because she minds my sister.

On the other hand, I have a wild three year old who does what she wants, when she wants. She doesn't care what people tell her to do and is completely free spirited like that. Because of that, I do have to be more like your strict friend. I don't want to be like that, but I have to or else she'd walk all over me and destroy the house.  It really sucks, because I feel like I'm scolding her constantly, and it makes life really unpleasant for everyone.

Like yesterday, for instance, I gave her the markers to draw with, and said, "Okay, we only draw on paper, right? We don't draw anywhere else. If you draw on anything else other than paper, the markers are going away."  Then as soon as I turn my back for a few seconds, she's off drawing on the sofa, so I come back and sit her in the naughty chair for 5 minutes and I take away her markers for a day or two.

We do have a lot of rules like that. For how to behave out in public, at restaurants, at the movie theater, in classes, etc. Before we go somewhere, we talk about what the rules are (like in a store, no running and no touching anything). For most things, if she doesn't listen to warnings (we give plenty of warning), we punish her by taking her away from whatever we were doing.

Discipline is hard. I don't discipline her for petty things, just for things that she should know better for.

Answer 5

I don't think she sounds too strict, but if the child is rebelling, then perhaps her techniques aren't being used or followed through in the best situations.  For example, if the child is hitting another child, taking away toys for the punishment doesn't fit the bad behavior. Of if she threatens punishments, but doesn't follow through until she just blows up, would be another reason why the techniques are not working??!!

Also, after time-out or any discipline, she should discuss or relate what would have been an appropriate behavior.

Hard to tell on the info provided, but for a preschooler combinations of time-outs, spanking, and taking toys away can be effective disciplinary actions.  Keep in mind, rewarding appropriate and good behavior also builds skills, manners, and helps eliminate bad behavior as well.

Answer 6

I find being firm and fair is working well for us, my 4yr old knows there are concequences for his actions. He pushes his boundaries all the time and is by no means an angel but he knows where he is with me because I am consistant- he knows when I mean business. I don't over-parent him.

Answer 7

I believe in setting firm limits from the youngest age in order to avoid behaviour problems later on that will take even more strictness in order to correct.

There is such a thing as being "too strict" but with many parents these days it is the opposite and a child will *always* think that a parent is being too strict if she doesn't give in to him.

Instilling obedience early is vital and if that means being strict so be it.It is for the child's own long-term good.

One of my boys claims today that I was "too strict" with them when they were young but the way that he is going I think that I was not strict enough (with *him*)but it's a bit late now for me to do anything about it.The others are fine so my strictness paid off for them.

Answer 8

always talk to kids they dont lisen when you yell, dont bribe i do spank and have them sit in the corner