How this poem i wrote?

Question

it's not finished, but it's what i have so far.

I look around and sense something different

Everyone is staring in each others’…eyes

Wait, I want to feel this too

Final wish before I … Die

My heart is solid coal

Broken into two

One is faded black

The other turning…blue

Cut off from oxygen

It’s like I can’t… breathe

I think I just fell in love

This love will be the death of me

thanks

Answer 1

Great!  Keep it up!

Answer 2

very very potent. the poem describes a greater kind of love, not a flimsy little teenager relationship. very good, i must say.

Answer 3

I don't think it is bad at all. Last line could be reworked if you want some criticism, but it's only a little thing. Keep up the good work.

Answer 4

Express love; how do I ?

I cannot count it,

I cannot measure it,

I cannot explain it;

to express

my feelings

will take more

than mere words.

My only comparison

can be found

within my

own breath,

for with

each breath

I draw

my life continues,

in each breath

I take

our love

grows.

Without you

to love

I would be

empty and void,

a shell

beyond repair,

you are my breath

and nothing less

... well you said you couldn't breath so I sent you some poetic CPR... your poetry is surprisingly good for a teenager of any age. Be careful about being too dramatic or people will view your real feelings as fantasies and cliches... as my poem does. It still makes for good reading, as yours.

Answer 5

nice but put a little more FEELiNG and EMOTiON in it

and please answer my question!

itz under:

i like this guy but im a twin and he can hardly tell us apart, what do i do?

Answer 6

not bad pretty good

Answer 7

that was good

Answer 8

I really like it... It's awesome! Your welcome lol

Answer 9

I like it, but it should be     " this love is the death of me"   i think it would sound better but if you like it the way it is then that's good

too

Answer 10

That's a great poem. LOVE IT!!!!!

Answer 11

I love it (:, i just really hope you don't really want to die of love, lol jk!!! It sounds like a song!

Answer 12

Absolutely Brilliant!!!...Better than what I could ever do!!

Answer 13

very profound

Answer 14

Let me guess, you're on the rebound and not too optimistic.

The great poems have rhythm as well as rhyme.  But the most important quality of a poem is to convey an idea with fluid timing.

Color in both colloquial and literal.

try this.

I can feel it in the air.

Couples held each others gaze

I yearn to feel his love again

a final wish before I … Die

My heart is weathered stone

shattered from all the storms

some parts I still recognize

and other pieces without form.

If love is air, the love from you

Ive had it once but now deprived.

Now I breath with someone else

This air will be the death of me

Answer 15

my life in a poem that was awesome.

Answer 16

nice, keep up the good work!