How to 'fit in' at the my new barn??

Question

I've been riding for years, but I've been bouncing from barn to barn trying to find a place that fits well. At my last barn, my trainer was AMAZING, but all the other girls that rode there went to school together and owned/boarded their own horses. They spent a lot of time together, and I never really fit in with them. With the fact that I was left out of most events that the girls who were always together got to participate in, and my trainer leaving to get married and finish college, I left.

I'm starting at a new barn in about a week, and I'm hoping that I won't encounter the same situation.

I'm also hoping somebody has a good idea on how to deal with hunter circuit girls who think it is a sin to wear consignment breeches and what not. The only thing I can think of is to freakin blow them out of the water at the cheap schooling shows they expect to clean up at. But I've been looked down upon many a time by girls who got their first hunt pony at age 6.

Anyone have encouragement?

Answer 1

Theres alot of b*tches at riding where i am.

But just be nice to all the grils in your lesson and try to get along, i recenty moved and found the girls so nice, it takes at least a term to get right into it tho,

Gd luck

Answer 2

You go girl ! Show those snotty *itches up !

Answer 3

i would scan everyone closely and see who seems more your type, then ask to join in on a converstaion and talk about horses and all that. Ask them interesting questions ect.

If you come across someone in the barm that is up themselves. Best idea ever do it to everyone who annoys me-

You go up and stare at them really closely and wipe your finger along your face, making them think there is something on their face, and keep going no there, no not there...there it is a laugh and a half

goodluck

Answer 4

You do realize that most of the time people perceive you in the same way you perceive them. If you think these girls are stuck up because they don't invite you along, thy probably think the same of you because you are not sociable towards them. Once you get to your new barn, introduce yourself to those around you and get to know them and their horses. I got to a new barn after a somewhat similar experience and immediately introduced myself. I know go riding with some of the others and even horse-sit when they go out of town. Be nice and they'll be nice back...

Answer 5

Be yourself, ignore the people that are overnight horse experts.  They wont last long....

Answer 6

The first thing to do is not worry about it. When you're very conscious about something-it does show.

I've had similar problems-I grew up in a barn full of fortunate girls my age-all had their own nice, pampered, beautiful horses. I had squat-I had my mom's leftover riding gear from 1975, and that was about it! Though they never made fun of me, they never invited me to join them doing things-however, I never bothered to ask either.

Be nice, be friendly, don't judge. Be social-and don't worry about it. Keep an open mind and a kind voice and you'll have no problem. Don't "suck up" to them, but don't give them a stink-eye look either.

I now ride at a different barn-a smaller barn, and decided to completely erase memories of the girls I grew up with at the previous barn-and the girls at this new barn have done nothing but be incredibly nice and helpful.

Answer 7

Just flatter their horses, and ask about their riding. Focus on what you have in common.

Answer 8

Just focus on your riding, who cares if they are meanybutts? If they start to get unbearable, tell the trainer. I've found that always works best for me. Also, look for barns that have groups of girls around your age. My barn is perfect for me. I had a friend last year who was telling me I needed to give dressage a shot. I finally listened to her when I got fed up with jumping and now I have 3 best friend and a whole lot of fun.

Good luck at your new barn!

Answer 9

Well we have a group at our barn that everyone who doesn't stay out there or who doesn't take the time to talk to us, thinks we are snotty. We are not. We do not sit watching people's lessons saying what they are doing wrong like they think. They just assume that we are laughing at them...we are not. If you don't take the time to talk to those girls and be out at the barn so you guys get to know each other, you are just going to assume things. Once I got a horse I started to spend time at the barn and now there isn't a problem. I try to make new people feel more welcome and I talk to people around the barn that I have taken the time to know. Unfortuately, sometimes you have to make the first move if there isn't one that talks to new comers. Just be yourself and try to be nice. Don't suck up (they hate it when people try so hard to get into 'the group'.) or don't be snotty towards them (they hate that too, then you start a huge fight). Just say hi and ask them about their ride and then go ride your horse. Or invite them to do stuff around the barn and stuff. If they are still mean, don't bother. If all they are on about is money, then leave it. You are better than that to judge someone by what they have. Try to make new friends at the barn and try to get them to stay out there all the time too so you can start a new group!

Answer 10

i never even rode a horse till 4 yrs ago cause we could not afford lessons. now i worked my butt off to get and keep the horses i have. people i know that have a lot of money and have been on a pony since birth, did looked down at me. till i trained the horse they all deemed "dog food" and showed her and we placed in all of our classes.

Answer 11

Haha. You'll be fine. My best suggestion (no matter how obvious it is) is to be yourself. Try to be helpful and kind to the other girls. I don't know about you, but my biggest problem is that I tend to be shy. Introduce yourself, and if you're having trouble finding common interests, you can always talk about horses!

As for the know-it-all hunter girls, try to be positive. Most people really aren't like that. Of course, I have also met some people of that breed, but many of the hunter circuit girls I've met are awesome people. Try not to worry about meeting bad people. Hopefully you won't run into any at your new barn.

However... if there are a couple brats, you don't have to be friends with them, but that doesn't mean you should be rude to them. Instead, show them that you don't need money to get a blue ribbon and that you can kick their butts at horseback riding any day of the week. Most of all, don't let them get to you. Hold your head high. You don't need a million dollar horse or fancy riding clothes to be a good rider.

There's bound to be somebody at your new barn who can be your friend. Make friends with them and ignore everybody else. And keep in mind that not all hunter circuit girls are snobs.

Be positive. It'll all be fine.

Answer 12

Okay, sorry for the length, this obviously struck a chord with me.

Don't worry so much about what you don't have, and concentrate on what you do have. If you are there to ride, then just go ride.  If you are there to work, that is a different story.  

I rode horses all over the place too, I was totally in your shoes. I also rode hunter/jumper. Guess what, I made the most of what I had and for that result I have some great memories and was a better rider too! By the time I went to college, I had a professional trainer's one time offer to help me become a professional rider, and later an offer on a hunter to me for free, I was riding him regularly and graduated from college. This owner knew I had to leave and offered her horse to go with me. I turned down both for various reasons, neither decision was easy. All the barns had at least one snotty girl with a wealthy dad. That does not matter, opportunities will be there for you if you keep your eyes open. Stay positive, ignore the c**p and stay out of the barn gossip, it will hurt you in the long run. Every barn has a snob or two, it comes with the territory. Accept that and move on.

I did my share of boot shining, mane braiding and watching friends ride in events I longed to be in myself, but I never let on. I tried my best not to be jealous or angry for what they had that I could not afford. I took that opportunity to watch and learn more. When I had the opportunity to ride, I practiced a lot and valued every single lesson I ever had. My friend's father by the way, bought her an $80,000 horse in high school. I went to most of her A circuit shows to help her and support her. I know what you are talking about. Here is the irony though. I knew her well, and she confided in me. She hated showing. Can you believe that? No one knew. She really appreciated having me there to support and help. She was pushed by the father to win because he bought this expensive horse for her. She had a lot of pressures you wouldn't have known about. That is how some of these kids feel who have their first hunt pony at age 6. You and I don't know what that pressure is like.

Go into this with a positive attitude. If you don't, you are setting yourself up for failure. Look at this as a challenge to try to find that one person who has the REAL class. That person is there and if you reach out to the group, you will find out who it is.

If I were you, I would bring something to the barn like a plate of brownies to share. That might help get you off on the right foot. Who doesn't like brownies?! Of course, if it were me, it would be special K bars, those can't be turned down!

If you were left out of the groups in the past due to not being able to go to shows with them...find another way to go so you don't lose ground. If you aren't in it, it is easy for them to leave you out and forget about you. So, you can't take a horse to ride, but that does not mean you can't be there to cheer your barn "friends" on. If you really want things to change for the better, swallow your pride and offer support and a helping hand.  Everyone who shows can always use an extra hand to help get that brush or the blanket or the fly spray or, or, or.... Ask the trainer if they can use your help at the first away event where the group will be. That will get your foot in the door there.

Not saying here to suck up to them, or to be their slave, absolutely not. But you need to find a way to keep yourself included and find a role for yourself in the group. If they accept you, they will not care what you wear. In fact, you MIGHT find that if you offer them a helping hand you could quickly find that favors are returned...in ways you would never imagine....like free horses : ) Everyone appreciates having extra help at the shows, lend them a hand. Show them how to have class and be a friend at the same time.This is what leads to opportunities and better things. Put your best foot forward, and forward, and forward. It might not happen the first time you step out. Be patient. If you go the route of competition, you will just ask for war. That is not good.  

Another tip that could help you is to show interest in them or in their horses. Ask questions about their mounts, find out where they came from, how old, how long they have had them, etc. Most people like to talk about themselves and the horse they have is a perfect icebreaker for you. Compliment them on something they did well, or on their horse, but it must be a genuine and sincere compliment or that will not work.

Won't it be nice to have them patting you on the back when you clean up, rather than trying to get even with snotty remarks? Think about that one. I had some hurt feelings at times too, but I chose the high road. It has really paid off in the end. I am sure it will for you as well! I will leave you with a great quote to remember from a wise man.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

Dr. Seuss