How to Begin Searching for my Real Father?

Question

After my son was born in February my mother shared a 23 year old secret with me. My dad is not my real father. My mom told me that she and my father had separated and that she became pregnant. He knew when they got back together that she was pregnant and that he was most likely not the father. She never told this other man. He has no idea. I feel compelled to find him, even if he decides he wants nothing to do with me. I have mentally prepared myself for the door to literally be shut in my face, but at the same time I can't help but feel that he deserves to know that he has a child and a grandchild out there. He can go from there with the info. I don't know where to begin though. I have a name, a hometown, and a college he attended and may or may not have graduated from. What should I do??

P.S. I moved this question from family to Adoption is hopes that I may helpful responses

Answer 1

What a terrible insult to your adoptive father!

The other man is simply a sperm donor. Had he cared about you he would have sought you. Did he?

How will you,  the sperm donor, or anyone benefit from this meeting?

Answer 2

go to your National statistics office of your country and check his name. Or you can try to find his name if his a registered voter

Answer 3

In Maryland we have "Maryland Judiciary Case Search" online & it shows everyone that has been in any kind of trouble. Even if it was a seatbelt violation, it is on there. You search by name and it shows you their age, weight and current address.  Maybe your state has one or you could just go to the court house and look his name up yourself. Hopefully he has done something wrong in the past and is in the court system.  Good luck with your search!

Answer 4

intelius.com is a great site for finding people. You will have to pay a small fee, like around $20 but I've found lots of people on there. Good luck!

Answer 5

i would try and find him on classmates.com or some site like that. you know his college, you may find him through the alumni of it or something like that.

since men don't change their last name as often as women you could track him by that through online free name and address finders.

I like to do "US Search" and then from the free information it gives me before it prompts me to pay something, i take that information and run it in a free name and address link like "blackbook online" or google.

good luck! you're very close!

Answer 6

I too went through this and met my bio father for the first time when I was 22. With the information you have, you should have no problem locating him. I am glad that you have emotionally prepared for any outcome. I would also suggest sharing this experience with a parter or close friend for encouragement and support. I think the biggest surprise for me was realizing that even though I was biologically linked to this person, a bonded relationship was not automatic. He's a nice guy and I really like him as a person, but it just seemed too late in life to share the father/daughter thing. I hadn't realized that if/when he accepted me and was open to meeting, that  I subconciously carried a Daddy fantasy expectation into the experience. That was my only disappointment. It was VERY cool to know once and for all where I "came from" since I look so much like him and not like anyone else in my family. It put many things to rest for me and I'm glad that I pursued it. All the best to you.

Answer 7

I would use search sites. I actually used anywho.com. I plugged in my grandma's name and what city and state. Out popped her name, address and phone number. So if  you have his name and at least city and state. This site may help. Or like the other posters say try other people based searches. I wish you the best.

Answer 8

I think that person who posted the response called 'guzziet' has hit the nail on the head. I would take her advice.

Answer 9

i can't offer you any information, but i wish you the best.

Answer 10

I know how u feel- im adopted, and only just found my dd, bc i met my bio half-brother. Sadly, my dad is dead, but the best way to do this is serch sites, ask your mom, look in the phone book, etc etc