How to Graciously Decline Being the Maid of Honor?

Question

A friend of mine had asked me to be her maid of honor. The wedding won't be until summer of 2009, however, I'm not sure as to how to decline the offer without upsetting her. I just found out that I'm pregnant with my first child and the baby is due 2 months before her wedding. I'm not comfortable accepting such a big responsibility since I'm sure she will need my help with her special day this year. I really don't want to stress out with the wedding and trying to handle my pregnancy at the same time. Of course, the baby is more important to me because my husband and I have been trying for over a year. I tried explaining to her, but she simply told me that my husband could handle the baby for one day since the baby would be 2 months old by then. She and I are not that close to begin with. The only reason why she asked me to be her MOH is because she got into an argument with her bestfriend (the original MOH) so she demoted her friend.

So, what should I say to decline her offer gently without hurting her feeling? Please help. No rude comments please.

Answer 1

Hmmm.. tough situation here! Maybe you should gently suggest that she makes up with her best friend. Try to explain to her that by next summer they could be on good terms and she doesn't want to commit to you being the MOH when she would really want her best friend to be MOH. I hope that makes sense!!

Answer 2

My bestfriend declined when I asked her because they were trying to have a baby. I was really upset at that time because she wasn't even pregnant. But she really did after a couple months. She is due 4 months after my wedding. Now only thing I want for my bestfriend is to come safely to my wedding. Even though she's not my moh, i still talk to her a lot about my wedding and she's doing everything she can to help me and guide me through this process.I think there's really no good way. The baby might be the most important thing in your life right now, but wedding is the most important thing in her life. So just let her know that you will be there physically and emotionally for her even though you are declining. She will get over it.

Answer 3

let her know that your not comfortable with the responsiblity of being maid of honour. i think people forget exactly what maid of honour or best man really is about. it is trusting that person to take care of your responsiblities (eg. children & helping the partner through life) if something happens to you and you pass away. tell her you are not ready for that kind of committment.  

Answer 4

Just explain to her again that you will be to overwhelmed at that time and you won't be able to do a good job for her. This time in your life is just as important so don't cave in. If you feel like you can't handle the job and you don't want to then you have to tell her now. She may have hurt feelings but tell her that you will do anything in your power to make her day special, you just can't be putting on a shower, bachleorette party and getting her prepared. It's not fair to  you or her. She will understand once everything is underway.

Answer 5

Your baby comes first. If you are stress out, this will affect the babies health. You need to be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her i am honored to be your maid of honor , but i have to decline for my babies health.  

Answer 6

Wow me and you are going to be mommies at the same time!! Congrats!!  I'd just say no thank you I will have just had a baby and my body will be in no shape to be in a wedding and I wouldn't even know what size dress I'd be in by then.  

Answer 7

Congrats on your pregnancy! I think you could just tell her that you are honored she chose you to be her Maid of Honor and that you would love to but feel that you are going to need to put all of your energy into a healthy pregnancy. If she argues further just push the point that you won't be able to put all of your focus on helping with her special day, as a Maid of Honor should and you don't see yourself fit to do so because you will be focusing more on the pregnancy. If she still insists, just tell her flat out "no".

Answer 8

Well, I think you should rethink this. She won't need help for a few months and by then the baby won't be such a hassle. But it's totally your decision.

And if you don't want to do that then you can just say, I don't think that I can handle the stress of a wedding and a new baby. No matter how you say it it's going to upset her. I'm sorry. Unless she's cool but....