How to I deal with crazy mom and sisters? This is killing me - literally.?

Question

Long story short my family is extremely dependent and attention seeking. My wife tries very, very hard to appease them but its never enough. They call all the time saying how terrible my wife is for hating them so much and how horrible I am for abandoning them. Standing up to them does no good even though I have on several occasions. Setting boundaries does not good - luckily they live 2 hours away. They have treated me badly my whole life now they are doing it to my wife - there is NO reason for it besides that they wanted me with them forever and I an sane and wanted my own life. My wife is wonderful in every way. My mom is 66 and my 2 sisters of 40 and 41 have never lived alone or away from her. They enable her behavior and are turning into her. They leave horrible profane messages and email the whole time attacking me and my wife.

Here's where I come in. I have always been strong but it is starting to take its toll on me. I dislike them immensely but cant escape. If I change my number they get it, the same as email and the messages start again. They are chipping away at my sanity and I fear it may start effecting my marriage. I literally get sick when i see a message from them. They constantly use guilt as a way to drive me crazy. My sisters say my mom is old and I will be sorry one day etc... They keep saying my wife hates them and although she has never said so if I were here i would. This is effecting my physical and mental health. Can anyone offer any suggestions to help who have been in a like situation? Even if not any advice will help. Thanks for your time.

Answer 1

When you change your number don't list it! And if they do get it just block them just as you can with email. Problem solved!

If you can afford to move then I would suggest that but I know in most cases it's impossible:)

Or you could of course go with the "accident" theory stated by ??????

Answer 2

Therapy.

You'd be amazed at what it can help you get through.

It's so empowering to talk over this kind of stuff with somebody non-judgmental who is only there to support you.  No ulterior motives, no agenda, no cruelty, no abuse...it's a life-changing relationship.

Yes, it's a little weird.  Yes, it can be a pain.  Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes you hate your therapist, sometimes you want to quit.

But if you can stick it out, therapy can release your hold on the situation.  You feel trapped.  But you're not!  Therapy can show you how you hold onto your past and how you can let it go.

Go to community mental health care if you don't have insurance (I do, and my therapist is absolutely wonderful.)

Do it for you.  You might want to go separately to sessions or as a couple with your wife.  It might be long-term, it might be limited.

But give therapy a try.

I was abused as a child, and I'm learning to live my own life away from that horrible system that messed me up so much that I have PTSD.  It's a long, hard battle, but my family is losing its grip on me and I'm winning!  You can, too.

Answer 3

Wow! That sounds pretty bad. I've never had a problem resembling this, but if I were you, I'd ignore them as completely as possible, and I'd be religiously consistent about it. I'd cut every tie I had with them. I'd eliminate every reason I had that could end up being a reason to have anything to do with them. Why are you even listening to them, or speaking to them? If you need professional counseling to keep your sanity, get it. You don't need guilt; it is BS. I'd pursue legal action if I had to, restraining orders, pressing charges for other violations. Good luck.

Answer 4

tell them that " i don't care what you think. stop living my life and live your own. I love my wife and should accept that. this is turning into harrassment so just shutup and stop being so controlling."

i know this is really cold, but if you really want it to end i think you need to say. and i really hope things get better. best of luck!

Answer 5

You need to stop listening to phone messages and reading emails from them.  They are trying to run your life and ruin your marriage.  If you can't avoid them then go to the phone company with a copy of the messages you are receiving.  If that doesn't work get them for harrassment.  You deserve to be happy, so does your wife.

Answer 6

Although I have never had this situation, it is quite evident that your mother and 2 sisters have got to be mentally ill.  They are VERY abusive and they sound like they can't help themselves in using you and your wife as victims of their abuse.  As you say, standing up to them does no good - and it won't - you will never win because they won't let you.  They are not reasonable OR sane.  Honestly, the only thing that I can possibly come up with is for you and your wife to MOVE out even further, maybe even out of state.  And do NOT leave any information behind for them.  I know it sounds drastic, but the damage that they are doing on YOU and your WIFE is not to be taken lightly.  These people are destructive in their behavior and it is obviously taking its toll on you and her.  And may I say that you should absolutely NOT feel guilty for leaving them behind and getting them OUT of your life.  You have tried everything with these people and they refuse to respect you.  The fact that they have treated you badly your whole life and continue to do so only proves that they will never let up.   Good luck, I hope you find peace and happiness...AWAY from them.

Answer 7

i say move far away and dont tell them wear and change ur e-mail and that stuff or get a restraining order  

Answer 8

So they all live in one place, right?

Should be easy to accidentally drive a truck through their house, eh?

Answer 9

get a restrining order and take them to court that or just completly cut them out of ur life and see if u can get a private fone line