How to I keep my 15 yr. old daughter away from bad friends?

Question

My 15 yr old daughter has friends who are bad influences. These "friends" have had issues with drugs and fighting. I don't feel their parents are very responsible. My daughter has lower self-esteem. No matter how I try to reason with her, she says I can not tell her who to hang around with. Even if I let her hang around these kids, they still seem to get into trouble. I try very hard to keep track of them - but they're sneaky. Any advice on how to handle this?

Answer 1

u cant really isolate your child from them bc their are more i'm sure u dont even know about yet. i know they might be bad kids but telling her she cant see them anymore, will drive her away and cause rebellion. Try talking to her about drugs and all the stuff u are concerned about. Then when ever she wants to hang out with these ppl only let it happen at ur house in ur presence that way u can keep an eye.

Answer 2

If you raised her right she won't have a problem wiht it all. Tell her you trust her and that she has "?one get out of jail free" card after that life is up to her!

Answer 3

she is right for now just leave herr bee. shell come aroun one dayy and realzie they arent for her. unlesss they r just so uk everything happens for a reason!

Answer 4

Find activities for your daughter to engage in that will keep her too busy to be around the trouble making kids.  

Move to a different city or state where she will have to meet new people.

Ground her and stick with it.

Switch schools if the kids are from her current school and don't live in your neighborhood.

Answer 5

Well, I know it might sound hard but my mom let me find out the hard way that those are not the kind of people I should have been hanging around with. She said I was old enough at 15 to choose who my friends were, but she did advise me that I should not be hanging around them. Believe me, not listening to my mom came back and bit me in the a**. They ended up stealing things from my house and destroying a bunch of my property, but she was there when I needed someone to fall back on. Hope this helps.  

Answer 6

just let her choose her friends.  just tell her the usual of drugs are bad blah blah and how much u care about her.  hopefully she can make the right choices on her own.

Answer 7

Tell her she can hang out with them but if she starts doing naughty things then punish her that way you both win!

Answer 8

Telling her not to see them will probably only make her more determined to continue hanging around with them. Maybe try and talk to her about why you're not happy about her being friends with them. Make sure she knows it's only because you're worried about her - not that you're trying to control her life. At the end of the day though she's old enough to be making her own decisions and if she still chooses to stay good friends with them then let her make her own mistakes. There's nothing more you can do. If they really are bad news then she'll realize eventually and learn from her mistakes.  

Answer 9

When I was a kid, and I was told not to do something, and I did, privileges were removed.  The "IF.....THEN" contract was hung inside my bedroom door.

"If you do not clean up the dishes on the night it is your turn, THEN you opt out of riding your horse for three days."  (That horse was the most precious object on the planet to me.... you have to find out the things that are precious to her......)

"IF you are found to be caught in a lie, THEN.......

"If you are reported to be with " friends" (listed below)   outside of school, that I do not feel you ought to be friends with... THEN..."

"If you see the below listed people outside of school, THEN..."

Hon, you're the mom, and youngest kids understand the "IF.....THEN" contract....

And since kids conveniently don't remember or think much longer that 6 days, it is written down where she must pass at least once a day.

And when the consequences come into play because she disobeyed you, the sentence, you state is, "Gee, sweetie, not only did we talk about this, but it is written and tacked to an area you must pass daily.  I'm sorry you opted to ignore it.....  Is there some other place or thing we need to talk about that will help you understand????"  And then do what you said, and mean what you say.....

You will be surprised how fast she can learn that "Adults mean what they say!!"  Never threaten what you are not prepared to do.

Edit:  I absolutely disagree with some of those who said you cannot control your child, and you just have to let her get burned.... yeah, sure.... as you are identifying her body at the morgue.

Nope, as the adult and parent, children desperately want to know where the boundaries are... that's why we have parents.... and if more parents parented, we wouldn't have gangs,  meth and dope problems, teenage drinking, and teen age pregnancies.... and the rest of the tragedies our nation suffers...

But then my parent cared.  And I thank them for that.

Answer 10

Tell your daughter as long as she is under eighteen she will not hang out with those people. Explain why they are harmful to her, and give activities where she could meet 'good' friends. tell her she is extraordinary to you and that you do not want to see her get hurt.

She is YOUR child, you have to put your foot down somewhere.

and remember, they are teenagers for goodness sake. all you have to do is pay attention. when she goes out, ask her where she is going. drive by to make sure she is there. make her be home by a certain time. don't slack on your job as being a parent, you can ruin her life if you do.

Answer 11

It is almost impossible, since we can't lock them in a tower.  Talk to her as a mother, and listen to her as a friend.  Tell her that you are concerned that they will place her in a position that she cannot handle.  Make sure that she knows she can call you and get out of situations that are trouble, such as if she needs to leave a friends house, tell her to call you and pick her up at the corner.  

She wants to feel like she can make her own choices, unfortunately they won't always be the right ones.  

You have to keep up the hard work of keeping track of them without them feeling like you are stalking them.  

Let her know if she gets in real trouble that there will be the usual "I told you so" lesson.  Otherwise if things are really bad, get a counselor involved to boost her self-esteem so she stops making bad choices.

Answer 12

i think the only thing you can do here is to teach her the right thing.... u can't control her fully because she has a mind of her own...if ur daughter isn't into drugs ...and she is firm and doesnt get carried away... ppl encouraging to do drugs  wouldnt bother her.... even if she has friends like  that i guess u can just 'advise' her to stay away for her good ...i don't think there is a bigger role that u can play here