How to announce we will be adopting?

Question

How should I announce that we will be adopting and ask for donations? I am sending out a letter and this is what I have so far, what do you think?

Dear Family and Friends,

We are excited to announce we will be adopting!

We are just getting started in the process and not sure how long it will take.

Our adoption site: nebekerfamily04.blogspot.com

We would appreciate any contribution to our adoption fund.

Input please! Does this sound good or how should I word it?

Answer 1

How offensive.  Just wrong.

Absolutely, send out an announcement that you will be adopting, and celebrate with your family and friends!  But please leave out the part where you can't afford to pay for some other woman to hand over her kid, and you want them to finance it for you.

Answer 2

Personally, I wouldn't announce that I'm adopting AND oh yea, I need some money- at the same time.  Instead, be creative!

When I adopted my son, I planned a HUGE yard sale and let people know that the money I raised would go towards the travel fees related to the adoption.  I told family and friends if they had any junk to get rid of, I'd gladly take it off their hands.  They'd be helping me and my son (instead of strangers through Good Will).  You wouldn't believe the amount of junk I received.  I had a great yard sale and it was a win-win situation.

Plus, there's other ways to get money.  Do a car wash, cash in your stocks/bonds/thrift savings...  refinance your house and keep the equity money for the adoption... Good luck with everything!  

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I agree, people can be rude.  Ignore them.  

I also sold my car because my SISTER gave me her old one that was paid off and not worth much for a trade in.

Further, I did secret shopping and focus groups!!!

Oh and another thing I did:  I created a coupon swapper group at work to help me cut my grocery bills way down...  I also switched to a cheaper cable tv service, too.  :-))

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Go for it Tish!  (Really)

There are so many times when I go shopping and have to walk passed kids begging for money to go to sports trials, etc.  That is most definately tacky.  They are in private groups, their parents could be paying those expenses- but nope, they allow their children to harrass shoppers.

I also get door-to-door teenagers selling things that I don't need...  they need the money for their private school activities.  

Kristy

Answer 3

if you cant afford to adopt a baby dont do it its miserable and awful and rude to ask money from others for you

grow up

Answer 4

Adopt from foster care.

They are the children that need a loving home.

They are what adoption should be about - not about getting you the baby you've always dreamed of.

Adoption from foster care costs next to nothing.

Those that decide to have a baby - via natural means - don't send out notes asking for donations.

It's really bad form.

Answer 5

Honestly?  While I think it's great you are adopting, I think it's kind of tacky to make the announcement to friends and family and ask them for money.  

If you really can't meet the costs of the adoption fees, you could wait a few months and save up as much money as possible during that time, and after you have some money saved up, sit down with your parents or in-laws in person and ask if they would be willing to help you out with a loan for the rest.  They are the prospective grandparents, and if anyone would be willing to help out, it would be them.  But sending out a mass e-mail asking other more distant relatives and friends for money might not be received well by a lot of people, even if they never say so to your face.

We may have to consider expensive IVF or IVIG treatments in the future because of my history of miscarriages, and I can't imagine sending out an e-mail announcement asking friends or family to send money to help us fund the procedures.

Best of luck to you, and I hope everything works out in the end.

EDIT (TO OP):  The thing is (according to your blog), you are having trouble coming up with the $1000 deposit for the adoption agency, let alone the remaining $6000-$9000 that will be needed once there is a baby available for you.  And what about the huge costs of actually caring for and raising that baby?  How would you be able to afford that if there isn't enough money left over right now to save a few thousand dollars over the course of a year?

And as another poster pointed out, your blog states that you are lamenting you lack of health insurance--how would you possibly pay for the baby's medical care after it's born if you don't have any health insurance?  Something tells me that will be something that the adoption agency will have a huge problem with.

$1000 is not that much money.  If you don't think you can raise that in a few month's time, then it might be time to revisit this plan and think about adopting at another time in the future.  Perhaps you could see about one of you changing jobs to one that offers health insurance, cutting back on some of your expenses each month so that there is money left over to go into a savings account.  Cell phones, cable, going out to eat, high speed internet, a second car--maybe these are some things you could do without for the time being, and getting rid of them could add up to hundreds of dollars a month that could go into your savings account.  Have a yard sale or sell some things on ebay, and maybe you can ask friends or family members if they have any unused items they would like to donate, instead of asking them for cash.  At least those things would give you a start and get you headed in the right direction.

In addition to the likelihood of being offended when they are asked for cash for your adoption fund, I don't imagine your family and friends would be too pleased to know that you are hitting them up for cash when you haven't even saved a dime of your own money.  Asking your parents for a partial loan down the road will be a lot easier if you can show them that you were already able to put three or four thousand dollars together on your own.

I certainly understand your desire to get a baby, but perhaps this is not the right time for your financially.

Answer 6

So, apparently you WON'T be adopting unless someone else funds it for you. Hmm.

"It's their problem, not mine." Interesting take on that, considering you're asking for money! If you can't afford to adopt, you can't afford to raise a child either. You say it would take you a lifetime to save $25K?

Get a dog. They don't cost anywhere near $25,000 to raise, and you probably won't need to ask for donations in order to do it.

Seriously, you can't afford a kid. Oh, and if you're offended by my answer, I have 2 things to say to you:

1) The truth hurts.

2) It's YOUR problem, not mine.

Answer 7

My personal opinion (and I'm sorry if it comes off as harsh, I really don't want to be) is that it is rude to ask for contributions towards an adoption fund. Some will be offended, others will think it's tacky, and others will be too polite to say anything.

Yes, adoptions DO cost thousands and thousands of dollars (the amount you quoted sounds accurate). But, there are other ways that you can get that money. There are grants out there meant for adopting couples, and there are plenty of tax breaks available to those who adopt. If you look into it enough, and you get a little of assistance here, and then a little bit of assistance there, and suddenly, you've got almost all that you need and you have to supplement just a little bit of what it originally was.

Also, you might want to switch organizations... I said the amount ou quoted sounded right, but now that I think about it, it sounds much more steep than that. Find an adoption agency that is a not for profit organization, because then tend to be cheaper. Adoption doesn't have to be that expensive.

If it comes down to it, and you absolutely insist on asking for donations for the adoption, talk to whomever would be throwing a baby adoption shower for you (I know it's a surprise, but usually you have SOME idea of who is behind it, and usually this person is close enough to you that it is okay to bring the subject up) and tell them as tactfully as possible that instead of gifts, a monetary gift would be better due to the fact that your adoption experience has been financially steep. If this person gets the message out to everyone, then I'm sure people will be more than generous, because (a) they know you need the money for the adoption, and (b) because it's not coming from you, it's coming from someone else.

I still don't think that that's a good idea, I would look into government grants, tax breaks, and not for profit organizations before that. But again, if you absolutely insist, I really think that that's the only way to go, if you do it at all.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Just let everyone know that you'll be taking care of someone else's kid for the next 18 year's.

Answer 9

Hi, I would word it a little better. Email your friends and family and do a more heartfelt announcement as to why you are adopting. In this email do not ask for money. Then on your blog site you can put an announcement on there asking for donations. Adoption is expensive. I know from experience. I would say to anyone starting the process, expect to spend $25,000. And not only do you need that amount of cash, you need additional savings to prove to your agency that you have the financial means to take care of a child. Your agency ask for copies of bank statements and will make you fill out financial statements regarding your credit history and any debts owed. Good luck. It's a long painful journey but so worth it.

Answer 10

I personally feel it is rude to ask for money to pay for your adoption.

I know that adoption is expensive, but you knew that when you started the process.  You need to take out a loan or something in order to pay for the adoption or save the money.  25000 is a lot of money, but it isn't impossible, if you use a budget, to save that much money in five years.  That is only five thousand a year that you would need to save.

I just went to your website.  You are both VERY young (and I know you aren't young for LDS but in the world that isn't LDS you are young...)and so in five years, after saving 25000 you will be 32 and 28, which is actually still quite young for adoptive parents (well adoptive parents that are not LDS).

Edited to add:  I went back and found the link to your other blog, and after reading a bunch of entries, I have to say, I do not think you guys would make great parents.  You hit your puppy with shoes because YOU were careless enough to leave the shoes on the ground and he chewed them.  You can't afford 1000 dollar "down payment" on an adoption through LDS family services...which btw is only going to cost you between 4-7 thousand dollars.  Oh and in the state of Utah there is ZERO day waiting period, so once the biological mother signs over her rights, you don't have to worry about her changing her mind, since she is SOL.  Nice.  Oh and you don't have health insurance.

Answer 11

Sad and really pathetic. What makes you think your saving a child from poverty when your in the same position. Its best to keep the children with their mothers because you can't compete with her love despite what you you think.  Sorry, you were just not meant to have children.

Answer 12

Why are you asking for donations?

I mean, not so sound rude, but, if someone was planning to purchase a 50,000 dollar automobile, would they expect anyone to help them fund it?  

Why is adoption any different?

This is going to be YOUR child, YOUR family, YOU should be the ones paying for it.  Nobody else.

If I grew up and found some stuff lying around in my adoptive parents' room like this, that they actually had asked for donations to acquire me, I would be MORTIFIED.

MORTIFIED.

You want to adopt, then you have to find a way to pay for it yourself.

I didn't ask for donations to pay for my 30,000 college education.

I didn't ask for donations to pay for either of my biological children (cost of Dr.'s visits, prenatal care, the birth and postnatal care both came to 20,000 easily).

It's time to grow up and be an adult...and live in the real world.

Answer 13

sounds just fine

Answer 14

I think it sounds just fine. Have you checked into any grants that may help you too? Some countries have these available.

Also, have you thought about going back to foster care and request only placement with children who have already had their parental rights revoked?

Any which way, good luck in you new journey! It's a long road, but very much worth it!

Answer 15

I wouldn't actually ask for money that's a bit wrong. But I think annoucing that you are planning to adopt is great and having a Blog to record it on if a fab idea.

You can always have a link on the blog to a donation page if people want to but I wouldn't actually ask for any money.

If people call to talk to you about it you could always ask for money instead of christmas and birthday pressies....thats an idea.

Answer 16

I am not sure of your reason for adopting but perhaps you could include a little information about that to make it more personal? Also maybe something about the process being expensive, and that is why you would appreciate contributions to make your dream come true. I really hope things go well for you!

Answer 17

Asking for money in this way is exceptionally tacky.  

What is wrong with helping a child in foster care?  Otherwise you look like you're shopping for a baby - and it's wrong, wrong, wrong.

Answer 18

What a strange thing to do?  Is this a common practice in your country?  Why can't you just talk to your family and friends personally?  And if they want to give you a gift, you can then specify that you would rather have a cash gift to go towards your costs.  What's with the big announcement?

I just find it rude when people ask for money to fulfill their own agendas.  I think the only time it is acceptable to ask for money is if is a life and death situation or you are asking a bank.

Answer 19

Tish hit the head of the nail!  There are thousands of children who are available for adoption in any given state and they are FREE to adopt.  You might not get the "gerber baby" as Tish stated, but they are still children who need homes!

I am adopting (at least we are still fighting for it) out of foster care and I have sent two children back home.  One after only about 10 months and the other one lived with us for almost 2 years...we got him as a baby and when he left he was calling us mommy and daddy.  Yeah, it sucked butt - But I have to say that their parents worked their @$$ off to get them back and we are extremely proud of them...because it's what was BEST for the child, not what was best for us!

EDIT:  Hey Twylite - what makes me a b!t(h?  By stating my opinion?  Well, if that's what it is then I guess everyone on this board is a b!t(h

find something better to do than harrass people -

Answer 20

i hear you...

i'm thinking about asking for some donations too:

i need:

-to pay for my daughter's montessori education

-to pay for my son's college fund (he's a junior)

-to pay for a nanny for my wee babe

-to pay for weekly yoga and massage therapy sessions (i need some chakra work )

-to pay the co-pay for my impending pelvic floor surgery (from birthing my last kid-- betcha glad you dodged that bullet, heh?...

-to pay for my future plastic surgery (i'm thinking some new b***s and a tummy tuck..things tend to drop after gestating and sucklin' 3 kids)

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seriously, i think it's a wee bit presumptuous to expect people to finance your lifestyle choices. ever thought about a bank loan...like the rest of us who want things we don't have money for??

BTW-foster care adoption does NOT cost $20K.  but, if you are looking for a pristine gerber baby, fresh out of the oven...you'll need to drop some cash.

ETA: (from your blog) "The other thing I like is in some states the mom had x amount of days to change her mind and get the baby back, some states it is 30 days, other are up to 60, BUT Utah gives 0 days! It is a relief to know once she signs the papers there is no taking my baby back!! Now all we need is money and a baby!"

--oh h**l no!!! if you can't even respect the woman who would potentially give birth to a child and place with you, then you truly don't understand adoption...

wow...just wow

Answer 21

I have to agree with many here when I say that I think it's great that you are adopting.  It's something that everyone should consider and if they feel so moved, do it.

The one thing I do have an odd feeling about is your soliciting for funds.  Yes, I know how expensive it can be as to 99% of the others in this forum.  You are preaching to the choir.  To what ever extent we have all been there and done that as well.

Your comment that you see nothing wrong with approaching friends and family for support in your adoption attempts makes perfect sense but it just seems in rather poor taste to put it out there on the internet through a blogspot site.  It would be in better taste to approach family and friends privately rather then to put it out there where it looks like you will be soliciting funds from anyone else as well.  Considering that finances are one of the things that are looked at along with your adoption application, IF you worker find out about your need to solicit funds I'd say you may have an issue with the application that would need some explaining.  

Either way.  Do what you want.  You've already stated that you will.  But, if you put a question out for comment don't expect to get nothing but favourable ones in reply.  You wanted to know how to word it and we tried to tell you what to remove.

Answer 22

Well first of all congratulations ! i always love it when people adopt cause basically your saving a child!

instead of a letter why dont you meet with your family? have a party or something. it will mean more than a letter.

if you would rather send the letter then it sounds good so far. try making it more personal if you know what i mean. say how much you want a baby and you really would love it if your family and friends could help make this dream a reality.

ignore all these people saying you cant afford a child ect ! there just being rude ! $25K is a lot of money ! thats about a quarter of what my mum and dad earn in a year and i know there is know way they could just come up with that amount money. it is perfectly fine to ask your family and friends for some help ! its not like you want money for a new car or something, this is for a child !

hope i helped and good luck ! i hope you will raise enough money ! :-)

Answer 23

Good

Answer 24

You don't want an announcement, you want to know how to draft a sales letter.

Here's how to save 25K in one year.  You both work and live on one income. Certainly you both make at least 25k/yr.

If you can't do that, you have no business adopting.  You simply can't afford it or are not responsible enough to be parents to someone else's children.

Contrary to popular belief, LOVE is not enough.

Answer 25

Wait, wait, am I getting this right?

You're asking a woman to hand over the child she just gave birth to simply because you WANT him/her.

AND, you're asking OTHER PEOPLE to pay for your child?  You don't even want to pay for him/her yourself???

Wow.  I'd be livid if I were among your "circle" of friends and family.  And that IS your problem.

Oh, and the point of foster care is to REUNITE families, not build yours.  Sorry you have a problem with that, but seriously, foster care wasn't put there so that you can have the baybee you want so much.  You already know it's free to adopt through foster care, but you can't handle dealing with the "messy" stuff that goes along with adopting through foster care.  Too bad.  Those kids need homes.  It's not all about you.

Why not just be childless?  Is there something wrong with that?

Answer 26

You're asking for donations?  You're not running a charity or a church fund here.  Tacky.

Aside from that, the letter is fine, just say what you need to say and leave it at that.